I am perplexed. Year one, i gave my husband open ended recommendations for healing our marriage. Work on yourself. Get well. That wasn't working and after conferring with academic experts and in the trenches experts (fellow MS wives) I decided out of fairness to my husband to let him know that working on it means a minimum of:
2 therapy sessions a week (for CSA primarily)
1 book a month (victims no longer, shadow of the net, SAM model, etc.)
weekly meetings with an accountability partner
This is the first month and there is nada. He waited until last week to try to schedule therapy for this month and his therapist is not available.
The book is highly triggering for him. I asked him to stop reading it because he has no developed coping mechanism for dealing with triggers and no support mechanism. Which brings us to point three, he says the guy he asked to be his accountability partner felt uncomfortable because they couldn't meet in person--he lives 2.5 hours away.
I am fully prepared to act on divorcing this man, but not because I want to. I want him to get help. I wish I could tell you that life with him is living hell, but it isn't. He is as kind and gentle as he ever was. I assume he is lying only because I now know that is his MO, not because I can tell he is lying or I catch him in lies. My life would be easier if I were divorced. Trust me, I've worked it out in my mind and it would be MUCH easier.
I just don't want to wait around for our lives to explode again, which I believe is inevitable if he doesn't get help. What are my options? Divorce or suck it up and live with a sick person who refuses to see a doctor? Please advise.
Wife of a survivor