Going to see a new T for the first time on Monday. We're going to meet up for coffee & an informal chat. I've been looking for the right one for a while now & I sure hope I've found her. I'm nervous as hell... But; no pain, no gain. I feel like a kid about to go on my first date. I don't know what to expect... I want to make a good first impression... I want her to understand me... I want chemistry. I want to feel safe... I want to feel like we can talk about anything. I need to.

Good Luck!!!

LP,

That's a lot of pressure you're putting on the first encounter between you and a potential therapist. I understand about all the things one should get from a therapeutic relationship. And hopefully those things come about. Those things take time to develop in a therapeutic relationship. My advice would be to take it slow and get a feel for the chemistry between you and her. If it feels good, then go from there. Too much pressure and desperation might make you open up too fast and then feel like you're overexposed or may make you feel shame about telling too much too soon, if the pressure you're under brings it to that. I wish you the best with this therapist. May you get what you need from the relationship.

Take care,

Caz

Thanks guys!!!

I like that LP and I'll be right there with you as I'm trying out a new T Tuesday. You just gave me a good list.

... speaking of greeting cards - as we were in another thread, this would be a great time to send one to you both - LP and Lancer - that says:

"Good luck with your new Therapist!"

all my best wishes go with each of you - even without the cards.
Lee

Hahaha... Thanks. The cards are a great idea!

Wow... Kinda pissed. So this new T I was supposed to see... Where do I start? Was supposed to meet a couple weeks ago on Monday, but she cancelled last minute saying her car broke down. Then last Friday we were going to meet again, but we both agreed to call it off due to a huge snow storm that day. So then we made the appointment for today at 2pm. Were just gonna meet at a local Starbucks for a chat. At 1pm I email her asking if we're still on (We email each other all the time from our phones. Almost daily). No reply, but I figure no problem, right? I arrive at the Starbucks nice & early, grab a coffee & then take a seat in a good clear spot where we can't miss each other. I wait. At 2:05 I email again to ask if she's arrived yet. We've never met in person before, so I wanna make sure she isn't the hot girl at the table beside me, lol... No answer. I wait there until 2:25 & then finally decide to go outside for a smoke. I have a clear line of sight to the door. No one matching her description arrives. So then at about 2:35 I send her one more email saying that I have to go since she isn't answering me & hasn't arrived yet.

I'm a bit pissed, but hesitant to judge too harshly since I don't yet know why she stood me up. For all I know she has a great excuse. It's just hard not to think the worst of someone when we've had 2 other failed meetings before this.

Any thoughts?

Y'know LP, tho we're both having T frustrations at the moment, I for one am very glad for the company:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...5007#Post425007

imo, I think you have your answer on this T's suitability. She's incapable of keeping appts. The "reasons" don't matter, imo. She's not meeting your needs...or even you! And I'm like you if you read the thread. I'm hesitant to judge harshly. But, in the absence of obvious deal-killers like harsh language, a few days' reflection has given me my answers on #1, #2 and #3. And #4 never responded to an email inquiry. Waiting on #5. In short, if I'm paying them - it's MY time and MY money - they'd better have the basics in place. The rest of it - compatable personalities, my specific needs such as CAPS evaluation (PTSD) - is a matter of taste and personal judgment.

I do keep initial contacts more businesslike than nicey-nice. The only "pitch" I have, if there is one, is being able to concisely describe my clinical needs.

I'm in a major metropolitan area and I'd have thot it would be easier than this. Well, it ain't. I'm feeling frustrated, but not so frustrated I feel like giving up...yet.


So, yeah, go ahead and be pissed. Heck, even express it to her if you're comfortable doing that. At the least you can walk away with an exercise in assertiveness. Or something like, "We seem to have a problem connecting and my limit is three strikes. Sorry."

Lancer,
Not that I'm happy about you having T troubles too... But I feel a small sense of relief knowing I'm not the only one feeling this way. Keep at it & so shall I.

Not only are we great company, LP, I suspect there's a little wager going on somewhere on who will find the acceptable T first and a side on how long we'll stay. ;-)

LOL!

Good luck man

Just found an office in my area that looks promising. They have many female T's working there. I emailed one of them last night to see if they can fit me in. So here we go again.

I found a local office with a male survivor group program, as well as individual counselling. I emailed them a couple of days ago & had a couple of emails back from a nice lady there. I have to call the intake worker & I will try to do that today, if I have time during work.

Keep trudging forward LP-u experience qualifies you for some kind of award!


I've learned to treat T shopping as comparison shopping- not investing too much until we meet and I have other T's to compare and contrast to.

Having safe and positive understanding and support is key - and I have to let my gut guide me. Reading lots of books, journaling, meditation, exercise and sharing here on MS are other ways I also take care of myself in addition to a T-I am very grateful for having a number of understanding guys who support me on this journey too.

Thanks Buck! I've spent the last 2 days playing phone tag with the intake worker. Every time I call she's on the line with someone else, so I leave a message... Then when she calls me back I miss it, for one reason or another. We'll hook up eventually! Ahhhhhh!