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#423244 - 01/26/13 01:05 AM All Out
bey Offline


Registered: 01/28/10
Posts: 178
Loc: canada
After years of dating men (sometimes exclusively) I can finally say that I am a gay man. And I am so cool with that. Spent years wondering if I was more comfortable dating men because of the sexual abuse from my father and the betrayal / sexual abuse from my mother. Was I born straight and made gay? Should I try to date women? I like women, I like having sex with women even. So I would, and I would act out with men right away. Always wondering "but am I gay?" Am I meant to be gay or am I just punishing myself or trying to recreate my past, which while terrible does carry the comfort of all I knew.
And then I met someone. And it clicked. And I worked my butt off in therapy to be healthy enough to make a relationship work. And I stopped caring why. Because it doesn't matter if I was born gay or born straight or born neither. Not to me anyways. Everything that's happened to me in my life has influenced who I am today - from my genetics to my upbringing, abuse, drug addiction, friends... It's ok. I can let it go and let it be. I am who I am, maybe who I was meant to be, maybe there is no who I was meant to be. And I'm so in love. And so settled.
My name is Benny, I was hurt as a little boy. I am a gay man. A husband, a father, a step father. I am a dynamic, work in progress human being. I almost feel safe to say its all going to be ok. But I'm not quite there yet wink
_________________________
Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight
Got to kick at the darkness 'till it bleeds daylight

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#423304 - 01/26/13 04:33 PM Re: All Out [Re: bey]
1lifenow Offline


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 385
Loc: west coast
You rock Benny

I was hurt as a little boy. I am a gay man. A husband, a father, a step father. I am a dynamic, work in progress human being. I almost feel safe to say its all going to be ok. But I'm not quite there yet


I could have wrote this, cuz i am all this too. (well not a step father). Wow, thanks so much for sharing. Its funny, I struggled so long to figure it out, instead of just being. My new mantra is "there is no meant to be". There is no preordained course, script or great omniscient intention.

Like you being in love from a place of such inner honesty has help me feel so settled and the noise has quieted.

All the best Benny

Grant
_________________________
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

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#423999 - 02/01/13 02:22 PM Re: All Out [Re: bey]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 08:57 PM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

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#425583 - 02/17/13 02:40 PM Re: All Out [Re: bey]
kcinohio Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/06/12
Posts: 222
Loc: Ohio
Great post, thanks.

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#425618 - 02/17/13 08:12 PM Re: All Out [Re: bey]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1369
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: bey
My name is Benny, I was hurt as a little boy. I am a gay man. A husband, a father, a step father. I am a dynamic, work in progress human being. I almost feel safe to say its all going to be ok. But I'm not quite there yet wink


Benny,

As a straight man, i wish I had this degree of comfort on my own skin. I'm not there yet either, but thanks for the inspiration.

Jude
_________________________
"When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown, the dream is gone
And I have become comfortably numb."
Pink Floyd

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#425714 - 02/18/13 02:58 PM Re: All Out [Re: bey]
jay75 Offline


Registered: 07/23/12
Posts: 145
Benny,

GOOD FOR YOU!!! Clarity and a sense of self it's something we all strive for. I'm so happy for you!

-Jay-
_________________________
"Those are not your sins" A wise man

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