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#423793 - 01/30/13 07:21 PM Re: Sad/Depressed over the loss of my teen years [Re: onlyakid]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1039

Doing the best we can, with what we have, today.

Sky, that is very well put, and should be our motto.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#423894 - 01/31/13 05:17 PM Re: Sad/Depressed over the loss of my teen years [Re: DannyT]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Originally Posted By: DannyT
I also felt like I had lost something. But I think we tend to view those "normal" childhood times as a golden thing mostly because we had bad ones. Childhood is a state of confusion and hard adjustment at the best of times. It's also a time when no one has control over their lives, so everyone struggles to make do, no matter what their circumstances. We had some serious stuff to deal with that others didn't, but their road was only differently hard, differently complex.


While it is true that we may have not experienced some the problems associated with being a "normal" teen, we also did not receive the good things that came with those problems. For me, isolation was the order of the day along with social phobias that the normals didn't have. What did I miss out on, friends, girlfriends (I know of atleast 1 definite person who I turned away and probably 2 there would have been more perhaps if I was social and took care of myself). Teen years and even earlier childhood isn't euphoria in a bottle but I think my life would be better now if I had the "Normal" experience.

It is correct to say that we can't do anything about it, unfortunately forgetting about what we lost is easier said than done. I guess it is a little harder for me since I'm still in isolation and there for don't have any social life or even a job I really enjoy or feel like I even am good at.

I am actually still trapped because I cannot afford to live on my own and therefore still live at home at 34. I hope that my new T can help me move past this so I'm not as affected by this.

Jason
_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#423895 - 01/31/13 05:27 PM Re: Sad/Depressed over the loss of my teen years [Re: onlyakid]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1039
Jason,

I lived with my parents from 2009 until a few months ago, and I just turned 36. It felt like a never-ending cycle of reliving my teenage years having to come home to my parents every night. While I am appreciative of my parents letting me stay with them, it was also bad for my development and recovery.

Now, I'm on my own, and making rent (barely), as of November... I still don't really have the sort of job or income that I need to get by on, but I'm doing OK considering.

I just wanted to share that I understand the living with parents in your 30's, and there is hope of getting your feet under you and getting out... although it is tough.

Another thing that I've thought about is SSI - or disability. While part of me is too proud to consider it, another part of me thinks if some of these jokers who get on SSI are eligible with their invented back problems, then I should be eligible for not being able to hold down a job because of my CSA trauma.

Your T can help sort out the feelings and past, but it's going to be up to you to find a way out of your parents' house. I just did it, and you can too.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#423910 - 01/31/13 07:29 PM Re: Sad/Depressed over the loss of my teen years [Re: cant_remember]
gottymeguy Offline


Registered: 09/24/10
Posts: 35
I have been getting really depressed that I will soon be in the situation of living with my parents again. I have been out of for a bit, and depleted all my savings while trying to find a new one.

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#423914 - 01/31/13 07:49 PM Re: Sad/Depressed over the loss of my teen years [Re: onlyakid]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1938
Loc: durham, north england
Hi Jason.

Looking at this from another angle, I personally find your good wishes towards brandon quite profound. myself, while I wouldn't personally wish ill on any teenager at all, I still feel a great amount of jealousy and anger, especially towards teenaged girls, since god I wish that spots and dates and who liked whome was all I! had had to worry about as a teenager.

Personally, i hated the teenagers I met, since everyone I came into contact with until I was 16 was either an abuser, a bully, a name caller, or someone who stood by and watched while such things were done to me, I longed to be older since it seemed everyone I knew was either stupid, or cruel or indifferent, indeed at 12 even before the serious s/xual abuse started I was still longing for my child hood three years before.
One thing I'm realizing at the moment however is that "teenaged experience" is just a sterriotypical mess. if I kissed a girl now, it'd be just as profound for me as it would be at the age of 15, sinse it would still be my first kiss. If I go out with friends, well enjoying myself isn't something that is age dependent. To take something less problematic, while I always did well academically, I know! I could've done far better had I not been an emotional wreck with a shaky grasp on reality, ---- well hay, I can academically achieve now!

So, if you forget the sterriotypical stuff, like going to a prom or playing for the sports team or whatever, then all the experiences that make being a teenager special are pretty much the same ones you can have now anyway, buying clothes you like, being concerned over your appearence, heck even getting a little tipsy with friends. It's just your old enough to enjoy it!

This is pretty much the same thing I'd say about child hood experiences, because dam it I still! like! watching he man, indeed for my last birthday my mum bought me the entire original dungeons and dragons cartoon series on dvd and it was awsome!

This goes further, I'm going to watch a play of rohald dalh's james and the giant peach in march and dam well intend to enjoy it!

so, while there are somee things that abuse spoils, (for me, genophobia has completely destroyed any and all chances of a relationship), i've personally found myself that it's better to try and look for the good experiences and enjoy them, whatever! age group stupid society says they should belong to.

Btw, unless there is some sort of reason connected with abuse, I never really understand people's shame about living with their parents. My brother, who is 33 and a highly qualified solicitor who deals with judges, goes to crown court and more than that is a very exacting person! did that very thing, simply because property prices in britain are insane! indeed, had my dad's godmother not died in late 2011 and left her bungalow, he probably would still be doing that now, ---- heck, if the counsel hadn't given me a flat i'd likely be doing as much myself, and indeed at the moment I'm living with my parents pretty much half the time since I am having singing lessons and am in a production where they are in Nottingham, and my flat is 100 miles further north.

I do wonder myself if the shame at "living with parents" is an expression of more general shame, or indeed if it's just a picked up unfair comparison from society, ---- heck after all for hundreds of years when a family owned just the one house on a peace of land which parents left to their children it would be considdered quite the norm.

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