Take care of yourself. That's what I see here. You have to make your own decisions about what is and isn't a sin, but don't beat yourself up over it. Only you know whether or not there is something wrong with it, but no matter what you decide: take it slow. Don't do anything rash. Don't become so worn out fighting something that you make a harmful choice out of exhaustion.
In my life, it always works better to fight FOR something rather than to fight AGAINST something. Figure out who you want to be and let your decisions flow from that. That's my two cents, anyways.
Take care of yourself.
Like a spent gladiator
crawling in the colosseum dust
who can count on his remaining limbs
all the people he can trust.
Like the one who stands behind him
cheering him on
Estatic when he stands defiant,
wild with abandon when he's gone
just stay alive.
do whatever you need to.
you are worth it.