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#42386 - 06/20/03 10:36 PM Re: A Collective Discussion of Therapists & Therapy
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
Marc,

Quote:
I don't know that this therapist will be the best for me. I have high expectations for myself and for him and I don't know that they are realistic or unrealistic. I only know that he has not been abusive. I think that he probably does have a good heart and for me that is important.
I think what you're doing, taking your recovery into your own hands and your own plans, actively "taking back" your life, will be best for you.

Trust your gut. I learned never to trust myself, and I almost ruined my life, might have ended it. That distrust is part of the legacy of the sexual abuse, and it's got to go.

You prompted a lot of thinking about my own life with this thread. Thank you for that.

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#42387 - 06/21/03 11:25 PM Re: A Collective Discussion of Therapists & Therapy
Marc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 256
Loc: Tucson, AZ
Damn that therapist!!! ;\)

Well, I am going back to him. We've worked out some things.

First, He has to treat me like a parent/whatever ya wanna call it. He MUST call me out on things for now. MUST demand proof of what I tell him if he questions it (This was one of MY requests). I'm not a chronic liar, believe me. But I know how the 'game' is played unfortunately (Major was psych.) and I don't want a myself to play a 'game' with the therapist. I want to get better. I don't trust MYSELF enough to want to get better.

Second, I am typing up a contract between he and I that specifically states...

1) I will attend AT LEAST one AA, NA, SSA of my choice per week (I volunteered two, he says mandatory one.) Attendance to occur for 6 months. Went to my third AA meeting ever... today (A different place, though) and it wasn't as bad. \:\)

More to follow...


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#42388 - 06/22/03 06:14 PM Re: A Collective Discussion of Therapists & Therapy
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Great news Marc, it's a two way deal therapy - but there should only be one winner. ( although the therapist is allowed to go away feeling good as well )

Dave ;\)

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#42389 - 06/22/03 10:44 PM Re: A Collective Discussion of Therapists & Therapy
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Marc:

I am glad that you recognize that you know how to play the game so to speak and that you need a father figure to kick your ass once in a while and make you totally accountable for you recovery.

My sponsor in AA is long dead now but he is still my sponsor cause he still kicks my ass and calls me out when I am not doing what I should or being who I should be.


You know my brother I think it is extremely useful to have someone to lean on and be your teacher and yes to kick you in the ass when you need it.

You are gonna make it my brother and there will be the joy of life in your eyes.

Your Canuck brother

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#42390 - 06/28/03 06:36 PM Re: A Collective Discussion of Therapists & Therapy
Marc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 256
Loc: Tucson, AZ
Well,

He wasn't terribly 'enamored' of my contract. :rolleyes:

He felt that the contract should be about me more than anything. I of course felt that it should be about me and how he could help me.
(He also 'raked' me for not adhering to the requirement that I originally set forth to go to at least two meetings a week and not only did I change it in the contract but I only went once. That's 'another story though.)

The contract that I created is located here. It is in Word 97-2000 format.

He feels that the contract should set 'Minimums' not 'Maximums' on my rate of AA/NA etc..., keep in mind, this is not a legal contract nor is it meant to be.

My issue is that it feels like 'It's all about me' if it is 'all about me'. He has a point but it feels like there is an element of me giving away control. I don't know if that is part of my issues or not but I very much suspect it is. It's just hard for me not to 'require' something from him in the contract as well.

Any thoughts/feedback?

Thanks all.


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#42391 - 06/28/03 06:46 PM Re: A Collective Discussion of Therapists & Therapy
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Firstly, I am very sorry of all that has happened this past year. I can very much relate to that it sometimes does pour as it rains, although not with the same things as you of course. But this past year, it has been very crazy to me also. I think that you hit something hard when you say it is how to let yourself have someone to care of you and help you, not finding the good therapist. That is so much the truth I think. Because if you do not feel worth of the help, it does not matter if it is Freud himself who works with you, YOU will not let it work. It sounds like perhaps the last one was not right for you? If you are in 'crisis mode' each time you see him, did he really do anything good for you the week before? But it may be easier to go back at him, since he does already know your history, he knows your background, so it will not be like building a new relationship again. But what needs to be different is that you allow yourself to accept help, and allow yourself to feel you deserve it, or it does nothing. It is like here, all the good advice that is here with all these good people, it is of no meaning if a person can not accept it. I hope that you find something that works for you, whether it is this same person or another. You are a good and kind man, and you deserve to know that of yourself, and to feel better in your life. I will be thinking of good things for you.

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#42392 - 06/28/03 10:43 PM Re: A Collective Discussion of Therapists & Therapy
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Marc:

My antique computer will not connect with your contract.

But offhand I'd say that you are paying for his "help" so you can damn well require or at least expect something from him. If it's that important to you & he can't or won't comply, you can always find another T.

The only thing you have to be careful of is that what you are asking of him is not something that might hinder you're recovery, becuz we don't always know what's best for us.

But I think we know better than somebody who hardly knows us, even if they do have degrees & weekly or whatever sessions with us.

Well that's IMHOFWIW Marc.

It's great you have the courage & self-care & self-confidence to have a contract. WTG.

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#42393 - 06/29/03 12:24 AM Re: A Collective Discussion of Therapists & Therapy
dwf Offline
Moderator/BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/24/03
Posts: 1223
Loc: Austin, Texas USA
Marc,

Great job on the contract, guy!

For me, it was at the point in my therapy where I dared to question, to experience feelings of anger, disappointment and unhappiness directly with the guy opposite me in the 'quiet' space of the T room. (Not that kind of T')
It was at that point that I truly felt engaged in the process--instead of just trying to guess what I should do, or second guess what I had said or done.

For me, learning that it is possible for me to express my feelings, even the bad ones, openly with another man--and then have him come back and talk to me again the next week--was a big move for me.

It's then that I saw that 'running' was just one option out of many.

You've been on my mind, brother. Glad to hear from you and way to go, Marc! Good job. It's hard work but you're definitely worth it and more.


Your wolfless brother,
Looking for the pack..............................

_________________________
"Poke salad Annie, 'gators got you granny
Everybody said it was a shame
'Cause her mama was aworkin' on the chain-gang"

-Tony Joe White

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#42394 - 06/29/03 01:35 AM Re: A Collective Discussion of Therapists & Therapy
bowman Offline
Member

Registered: 04/19/03
Posts: 72
Marc,
It seems reasonable that you would have expectations from your if he didnn't think that that would be haelpful, then he should explain why. WTG on going back, even if you later decide that a different T would work out better, it seems like it was good to go back this time, just so you could be sure that you were not running away from the process.

Ken


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#42395 - 06/29/03 01:46 AM Re: A Collective Discussion of Therapists & Therapy
Marc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 256
Loc: Tucson, AZ
For Those Unable to View

Contract for Therapy


I ______________________________ the client promise with my signature to enter willingly into this contract with the following therapist ______________________________.

This contract obligates the client to no more than six months of an AA (Alcoholics Anonymous), NA (Narcotics Anonymous) or SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous) or other acceptable supplemental chronic abuse program at a rate of at least once per week with no obligation to specific time, date or location.

Additionally, the client is obligated to not less than six months of therapy from the aforementioned therapist to be re-evaluated at the end of 6 months for continuance by agreement of both parties. (1)

Therapist must provide periodic assessment and evaluation of patient status at monthly intervals to patient. Therapist also agrees to facilitate in a timely manner supplemental testing into the clients psychological profile to include an MMPI, ADD/ADHD and/or other behavioral testing per consultation with patient and as accepted by patients insurance carrier.

General client career and personal goals should be defined by the forth month of consecutive therapy.


This contract is a “Good Faith” contract and while not legally binding should be treated with the same courtesy and intent. Both parties may make modifications to this contract only upon agreement at the time addendum is added.

Additionally, a presumption is made that both the client and the therapist are working collectively to facilitate corrective thinking and acceptable personal goals for the client.

Patient Name: ________________________________ Date: ___________
Therapist Name: ________________________________ Date: ___________


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