TW I could have written everything you wrote except the part about your family contacting you. Like Jude said youíre trying to figure out where youíve been so you can figure out where youíre going and itís only natural to want to know the truth of your childhood. Itís also really scary because of what you remember but most importantly what you don't. Meaning that for me I remember the last time @7, when he got caught, and of course the first time, I remember the fallout of being caught, but thatís it. I know it had to go on for at least 2 years; 24/7 access to me, no other recollections. I wish someone in my family reached out to me, to talk about this but it will never happen, you should take advantage of this, just be very careful, it might be more then you want to know, there might be a good reason that your mind has chosen to forget, I think for me it was the mundane reality of being raped after a while, the coercion he used on me, the fact that I struggle to hate el diablo daily, or maybe Iíve forgiven him idk. Just be careful with this, the memories will come back in their own time, slowly Iím remembering more, the colors of the walls the lampshades etc. it might be things that make everything much harder on yourself. We all want answers just donít be surprised if you donít want to hear what they are.
"it has never yet been discovered how to make man unknow his knowledge, or unthink his thoughts"