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#423550 - 01/29/13 09:42 AM I am not self centered!
SamV Offline

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
I am abuser centered.

I absolutely have to make sure that I am perfect, clean, hard surfaced and hyper analytic. Everything MUST be reverse engineered or I will be hurt, brutally. I will be rejected, destroyed and abandon. Of course I am carefully and obsessively monitoring my actions, thoughts and words. Who has time for feelings, those are to manipulate the abuser, hoping to be able to talk my way out of the next abuse, or sadly, to talk my way into attention and intimacy.

I was abuser centered.
Confronting my abusers and learning to believe in me is importantly self aware that I am, and maybe a bit more than equal to peers, humbly I offer. One day I will be comfortable just being within others grouping.

I am.
The goal, I can actually see the finish line. A time where I do not think, feel or act for the abuser. Where I can interact with confidence and curiosity. I can see me, then.
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

#423552 - 01/29/13 09:54 AM Re: I am not self centered! [Re: SamV]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1483
Loc: New England
"You're being self-centered!" Thats something I hear alot. When the fact is I'm just trying to find my way out of this hell I've lived in for so many years.

The goal seems far away, but you are right, its within sight and attainable.

"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "
Joni Mitchell


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