Newest Members
PaulnMA, andrewmartin, Aurigny, Luther, LuckyCharm
12252 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
closerthenveins (26), Nvolpicelli (24), Sven (19)
Who's Online
2 registered (gatoonfanatic, 1 invisible), 34 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12252 Members
73 Forums
63113 Topics
441363 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#423551 - 01/29/13 09:50 AM question (possible trigger)
mommy2be Offline


Registered: 09/14/10
Posts: 3
Does anyone else's partner make jokes pertaining to SA (not theirs) or find jokes about SA funny from time to time? Eg- my partner found this funny: *possible trigger* http://joyreactor.com/post/626471

My partner disclosed to me without details about his SA ~8 years ago. After the births of our children I've become more sensitive to jokes about SA and only recently said that the jokes make me sad/uncomfortable. He still makes them or shares them with me on occasion, maybe one every few months, if that.

He's not in therapy for the SA (that's a whole different issue), but I wonder if any other partners experience this, too? I wonder if it is trying to normalize what happened or just a guy finding a comic funny or taking the opportunity to make the same joke someone who didnt experience SA would.


Edited by mommy2be (01/29/13 10:52 AM)

Top
#423577 - 01/29/13 10:56 AM Re: joking? (possible trigger) [Re: mommy2be]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 915
Loc: New York
Ever meet one of those fat people who can't stop telling fat jokes?

It's a defense mechanism: if they say it, no one else will say it first, no one will surprise them and "go too far" with something they weren't already prepared for.

I have a morbid, acidic sense of humor that often veers into Wrong-istan. I react to bad news in a rueful and sarcastic fashion. I confess it sometimes even now includes rape jokes. ***NOT HERE!!!*** But I think in general I've earned the right to be indulged - I'm Jewish and there's a quite strong chance that the old man who abused me in 1986 was an actual for-real original vintage German Nazi. There comes a point where you have to quit screaming and blurt out something that changes the emotional track. It's a defense mechanism when nothing actually defended you.

And yeah, you don't want to be the only one of the guys watching the Friars Club roast who doesn't laugh at Lisa Lampinelli or Sarah Silverman. You don't want to feel like you can't do that, like you're missing out.

The question is - are these compulsive, constant, at inappropriate times or before inappropriate audiences? Is it more of a verbal nervous tic? If he keeps going when you've said you're uncomfortable with it, that's a big problem. That's not funny.


Edited by SoccerStar (01/29/13 11:13 AM)
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

Top
#423584 - 01/29/13 11:19 AM Re: joking? (possible trigger) [Re: SoccerStar]
mommy2be Offline


Registered: 09/14/10
Posts: 3
Originally Posted By: SoccerStar
The question is - are these compulsive, constant, at inappropriate times or before inappropriate audiences? Is it more of a verbal nervous tic? Have you expressed that it makes you uncomfortable and does he show signs of caring?


Thank you so much for responding, SoccerStar.

They arent compulsive or constant at all. I go out of my way not to make jokes about it because I don't ever want to make light of SA, so I think the times he does it really stick out for me.

If the situation presents itself (and only then), he will make a joke about SA. He does not twist a situation around for the opportunity to make a joke.

As far as inappropriate times/audiences go, he will do it in front of me or in front of very close friends-- never in mixed company. We have two very small children and he's made a joke in front of them about it before, but the context was not one they would be able to grasp.

I reiterated last night after the fact that those jokes made me sad. I explained that I didn't want him to censor himself but it hurt to think about those types of things. He said 'Ok' very kindly and that was that.

Top
#423591 - 01/29/13 11:57 AM Re: joking? (possible trigger) [Re: SoccerStar]
mommy2be Offline


Registered: 09/14/10
Posts: 3
I replied before your edit.

When I said I had told him before that I didn't like those jokes I had said it in passing and when I told him again last night he said he didn't remember me saying that.

Top
#423725 - 01/30/13 09:10 AM Re: joking? (possible trigger) [Re: mommy2be]
sugarbaby Offline


Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 328
Quote:
It's a defense mechanism: if they say it, no one else will say it first, no one will surprise them and "go too far" with something they weren't already prepared for.


I've seen that. Not with H but with other people. That is spot on.

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.