I just watched a commercial on TV where somehow, one person was looking into her past when she was heavier in weight. The two, present and past, were talking in a kitchen in present time, and the one from the past was grateful, truly appreciating the outcome of the work of dieting. The one in the present was supporting the one in the past, telling her this is who she is, who she can be in her life and loving the person she was in the past. This resonated within the deepest parts of me.
I feel so good about who I am, but sometimes the shame of acting out and the frustrating struggle of surviving and making impulsive decisions that hurt me and my family makes me cringe. During those times I hug myself, I catch my look in the mirror and I smile. I love who I am now but I want to support and encourage the hurt personality still inside me to keep working to continue healing.
When I saw this commercial, I shed a tear. I really feel proud of who I am now through all this work, but importantly, I am proud and really care about who I was; that confused, scared, hyper vigilant man and boy who was so terribly damaged.
I love you Sam, all of you through all of time.