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#423279 - 01/26/13 01:25 PM Time for a new T? (May be a moot point)
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Could use some input on this from the more experienced guys.

After some false starts last summer, found an "intern" T who's my age, gay and afforable for me. Nice change after having only women Ts in the past. In some sense I get two for one because he's an intern and has a superior. Nor, being my age, is he naiive, overconfident 20-something.

He's made a few complete misses I take in stride because, for one, he's helped me consider re-examined my journaling - that a portion of my fatigue may be more HIV-related (20+ years). Early on he also committed to traveling with me when/if I make personal testimony in any potential CSA legal action.

And he put me in touch with a colleague (DO) who directed me to a study of an advanced HIV medication for which I've been approved. Anecdotal evidence from previous studies of similar indicates this could be life-changing for me...for the next few years.


But the doc colleague has caused some problems. When I went to downgrade a script refill her office indicated they didn't have my addy or DOB on record. Huh? Red flag on ID theft since I live in a hotbed area for that. Immediately notified the T so someone else knew of the potential problem. In the past week a couple emails and a phone message to the doc with no response. Nor any contact from her even when the T advised her of it. I put a fraud alert on my credit bureau files.

In discussing with the T (who didn't charge me for the brief session) he indicated this might affect his professional relationship with her they "feed" each other clients - and that we might have to end ours because of it. Fucking great. Thanks a lot. And just when I'm about to start new meds with possible side effects. He was also concerned I was ungrateful for the meds study. One has nothing to do with the other, imo.

Parallel I immediately drew, however, was with those who, because they do me a "favor" take it as license to be otherwise irresponsible or disrespectful. (Is that totally CSA or what?) He totally missed it and it's too bad because I feel it's something I need to examine.

Finally received an email from the doc's office email today indicating when the office manager had returned from medical leave my records, though secured, had been overlooked for computer updating. She's covering her ass. Didn't put her name to it, just the office email addy. Plausible deniability. I'll keep her as a fallback, but...

The T issue may be moot when/if we have another session. At the least I'd like to have a follow up to wrap things up. An opportunity to get real. For one, his closed-off body language (legs tightly crossed away from me, arms crossed) has been an annoyance on which I've given him a pass. Hey, he's human. Christ, I wouldn't like listening to other people's problems all day, even if I was paid for it. OTOH, as a professional he should be aware of his own body language.

I feel as if I've given him too many passes. Then again, I've lots of theraputic successes on which I've built and don't need, say, thrice-weekly sessions to figure it out. I just don't look forward to starting the damn search again. At least I'm in a major city.

Your thots? (Especially, too, if you're a professional)

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#423281 - 01/26/13 01:46 PM Re: Time for a new T? (May be a moot point) [Re: Lancer]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6505
Loc: Terminus
So what's the good part about this guy and this therapy situation??

You ought never have to deal with confusion (fk-up) on other's part, nor ever make excuses for one's professional shortcomings.

IMHO: If you have to list-out any practice-negatives and then justify them, snot the right person. Not talking bout drive-time or even $$. I'm talking about things like you state above.
_________________________
When the phone don't ring, I'll know its you.

The Aftermath Video

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#423306 - 01/26/13 05:39 PM Re: Time for a new T? (May be a moot point) [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Occurred to me, as I sort this out, why should I give a rat's ass about his professional "difficulties" when my issue is with the doc, not him?

And to imply my actions in covering my financial ass (because of the carelessness in the doc's office) somehow make me responsible for whether or not he continues that relationship with the doc? Ridiculous. Sounds as if their relationship was already tenuous. One patient does not a split make.

I'll be sorting this out for a while. Stay tuned and comments on both sides welcome.

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#423334 - 01/27/13 06:17 AM Re: Time for a new T? (May be a moot point) [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
I think I've got my own answer - journaling in the open is great therapy in itself - but thread's still open to comment.

One indicator is often my sleep. Though this has been on my mind and pissing me off all week, I'm sleeping normally.

In short, it's time for me to move on to someone who is NOT an intern. $liding $cale jacks up a bit, but I need someone with more than a year's experience who won't mix up my issues with his.

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#423380 - 01/27/13 04:52 PM Re: Time for a new T? (May be a moot point) [Re: Lancer]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1557
Loc: New England
Lancer,

Perhaps you could give the guy the opportunity to respond to your concerns, then decide based on his answers. Bottom line though is put yourself first. This isn't about HIM, its about YOU. No T should put his needs above yours.

Jude
_________________________
Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine.
Sheryl Crow

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#423398 - 01/27/13 07:53 PM Re: Time for a new T? (May be a moot point) [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Y'know, Jude, I'm thinking in those terms, though it may not sound like it. And I may end up doing that. We've just spent six months working, mostly successfully, together.

Appreciate the input.

otoh, I find it incredibly selfish and insensitive that he'd even bring up termination of the theraputic relationship because I'd caused him difficulties with an associate who was unprofessional. I did nothing wrong. In that respect, I don't feel I owe him anything.

What I may do is call, very briefly explain my undestanding of the situation and ask him if he feels we need another session to wrap up. At this point, I think it would be a waste of my time.

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#423435 - 01/28/13 06:36 AM Re: Time for a new T? (May be a moot point) [Re: Lancer]
A270465 Offline


Registered: 01/04/13
Posts: 49
Loc: SE Mich
Just quit a therapist cause my wife wasnt comfortable with her hotness... (She was pretty, but I was not swooed)
Keep only the best ppl that listen and u can be comfortable with.
There is no reason to see someone that doesnt fit that at least - comfortableness.
_________________________
BrokenLeg@2 EarCutoff@5 RanOver@7 UnanethesizedSurgeries@8 rapedfrom10to11 Dysfunction&Druguse@12 Crime@13 Dotdotdot Violence Jail@18Escaped Prison@19GladiatorSchool Max@20 Supermax@21 HellEnsues THROWNbacktothestreets@26 MarriedWKids@28 HeardofCptsd@33
Seeking help
And the days tick by all the same

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#423440 - 01/28/13 08:16 AM Re: Time for a new T? (May be a moot point) [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Still digestin'. Jude, your point about putting HIS needs before MINE (or at least being so unapologetically forward about it) I think may be the crux of it.

Similar point A...only keep the best peeps. Thnx.


Only remaining issue is that although I'd like to have a brief chat with his super, I'm not looking forward to it. For all I know, she may be the source of his attitude. I don't need to do it. But it might serve someone else in the future. Christ, I didn't want this shit.

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#423442 - 01/28/13 08:36 AM Re: Time for a new T? (May be a moot point) [Re: Lancer]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1045
Lancer,

In my opinion, the fact that he suggested terminating the relationship would make me unable to trust him with anything ever again. If you get deep into an issue and have a breakdown or something, and *THEN* he pulls the rug out from under you, where will you be then?

If I were in your shoes, I would seize the initiative, speak to his supervisor, and start shopping for another T. Only talk to your current T to ask for a referral, which he likely won't give you because you ratted him out to his boss, but you're doing it just to tie a little bow on the end of the relationship.

You didn't want this shit, but you got it. Take it and use it to grow. But that's just how I think I would handle it, and for the record: I'm not really connected to my emotions at all so take that with a shaker of salt.

Big Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#423463 - 01/28/13 12:43 PM Re: Time for a new T? (May be a moot point) [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Put a message into the T who caught up with me late this afternoon. What I got out of it was that his super's thots weren't that different from mine. I shouldn't have to be concerned about his other professional relationships and/or how/if I affect them. I need to do what's right, in my best judgment, for my needs (rather affiming, considering). Upshot was it got stickier than it needed to be. He was contrite. What I took away was he may be reconsidering his relationship with her somewhat based on this whole unnecessary mess. Not my business/problem. Don't care.

I left it that I'd contacted him with the intention of terminating, but that I'd think about it. Nevertheless, I told him, I had been shopping for another T.

What I see here - gawd, I'm on this WITHOUT a T - is an opportunity I might consider. Sometimes I feel I've developed the habit of just dumping people who make errors in judgment without giving them a second chance. Of course, the doc deserves to be dumped. She was unresponsive, unconcerned, cold and distant. She's history.

Irony is that I can't explore a change in behavior without this T. Intriguing.

Interestingly, when it comes to the T however, following our convo, I don't feel strongly one way or the other. That's a good place for me to be right now.

As always, guys, your thots either way....

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