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#423328 - 01/27/13 12:19 AM Thoughts to generate discussion
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1342
Loc: kansas
...


Edited by Obi (05/05/13 11:26 AM)
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#423333 - 01/27/13 06:00 AM Re: Thoughts to generate discussion [Re: Obi]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2018
Loc: durham, north england
Hi.

As someone who was! there a while ago but still sticks his head around the door occasionally, I do not disagree with your assessment on the new member front. This is partly because some older members leave and move on, or reduce their post count as I have done (heck I used to check ms every day, then over time it has slowly decreased, now I just tend to check once every few weeks and that to see if there is anything I feel I can help with).

Equally however we have now got far more newer members than older members, thus there is a purely logistical question, since logically the more people there are, the harder it is to connect with a few people. This isn't a cryticism, just taking note of the fact.

Equally however, one thing I have! noticed myself in the occasions I've wandered into ms recently, is that there are far fewer threads venting, expressing raw emotion or just asking for help than there were, most threads especially in the ms forum tend to be about specific incidents or questions. Not that there is anything wrong with this, but one thing about ms which did! help me was the ability to just turn up and say "I'm feeling bloody awful today!" and have people read, reply and listen.

maybe people are taking this sort of thing more into the chatrooms (I wouldn't know myself since I do not ever use those due to access problems), however equally I do wonder if perhaps encouraging new members to just post threads that do not! serve a discussion purpose but help with emotions might be a good way to bring people closer, since I know for myself one of the things that let me be a lot more honest was seeing just how much people were! willing to freely share their emotions without massive inhibitions.

Perhaps that is another point, maybe people are afraid that too much negativity would automatically become personal or be taken personally by another member, since usually on the net these days as much social nicety applies as elsewhere, which again is one of the distinctive things about ms.

As to politics, well I'm not sure, since obviously we don't have a similar polarization in this country, ---- indeed, at the moment the government is trying their damdest to actually make people care! about politics and not dismiss the hole lot, so I don't know what affect that might be having.

Btw, for a little humour on the political front I offer this joke a friend told me last night:

An architect, a poet and a politician were having an arguement about who's profession was oldest.

the architect said "well in the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth, ---- which took design, so architecture is the oldest profession"

the poet replied: "no your wrong. Because even before that in the beginning was "the word" so poetry has to be older"

The politician smiled and said: "your both wrong. Because even before the word there was chaos, ---- and what do you think politicians make?"

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#423335 - 01/27/13 07:35 AM Re: Thoughts to generate discussion [Re: Obi]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 736
Loc: Southeast USA
CSA is apolitical, and consequently the discussion I've seen on MS is also largely apolitical.

I suppose there are hints of political leanings that can be gleaned from members over time...but far less than you'd hear at a cocktail party.

Will
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#423340 - 01/27/13 08:49 AM Re: Thoughts to generate discussion [Re: Obi]
Candu Offline


Registered: 06/30/12
Posts: 312
Loc: Canada
Originally Posted By: Obi
another thought that was shared with me was that, in this country, we're becoming incredibly politically polarized. so much so that it could be spilling over into other aspects of our lives, including ms.....

i'm curious to anyone and everyone's thoughts on this. has the polarization spilled over into ms that it's making it difficult to create a community here bonded in the one goal for us all, and that is recovery?

I've only been here half a year. I hardly noticed any politics. And what I do is easy to ignore as I'm from Canada and I rarely concern myself with US politics.

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#423356 - 01/27/13 10:56 AM Re: Thoughts to generate discussion [Re: Obi]
LazyPirate Offline


Registered: 01/03/13
Posts: 106
Loc: Ontario
Agreed Candu... Same here. I have noticed that there is for sure a good core community here. I see a lot of posts/replies by the same handful of guys & that's good. To me that means that there are some that are really bonding & getting a lot of benefit from being on here. As a newbie I've yet to really feel that for myself, but I can see it happening. There is a high member count & most almost never post I think. Many likely just read, without posting, or have moved on or lost interest. I've done that myself on other forums in the past... Sign up & then either decide that I'm not really feeling a part of it or it falls by the way side for other reasons.
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#423357 - 01/27/13 11:09 AM Re: Thoughts to generate discussion [Re: Obi]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1045
Obi,

I can understand some early-MS nostalgia, but that's how things are. I registered in 2005, posted for about a year, and then dropped out until Sandusky brought me back. So I'm kind of both -- a vet and a newcomer.

I miss some of the guys I used to talk to, but like Dark Empathy said, some guys move on. And while that might be to the detriment of MS, it is good that those guys are able to move on with their lives. So I try to keep that in mind.

As for what specifically we can do to foster a community in the MS forums... maybe we should talk about engaging more guys in the Introductions forum so we can start shaping the conversation there?

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#423367 - 01/27/13 02:35 PM Re: Thoughts to generate discussion [Re: Obi]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1342
Loc: kansas
.


Edited by Obi (05/05/13 11:26 AM)
_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

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my vlog

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#423369 - 01/27/13 02:53 PM Re: Thoughts to generate discussion [Re: Obi]
Jim1961 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/10/09
Posts: 1138
Loc: Pa, but likely traveling...
Obi,
Thanks for asking. I'm a "MS Vet" that has pulled away...

To be honest, I got really tired of the anti-Catholic and anti-Boy Scout propaganda here (from some members). My Faith and the Church have been CRITICALLY important in my recovery, and I sure felt the BSA and Catholic Church were VERY safe places for my kids. And now that my kids are older, I know they have been instrumental in building their character.

I feel unsafe to even mention that I am a Catholic here. And I NEED to feel safe with that. I really distrust people with political agendas disguised as "support." The public forums are full of that now.

I mostly lurk now, but do appreciate one of the Healing Circles I participate in here at MS.
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Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever. -Yes, Starship Trooper

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#423370 - 01/27/13 03:00 PM Re: Thoughts to generate discussion [Re: Obi]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2018
Loc: durham, north england
That was what I assumed you meant there obi, as I said however in England even on social issues there is a lot of apathy at the moment, not surprising given the current economic climate and the government's less than steller spending policy, indeed in a recent chat I had with a local member of the liberal democrat party, he actually said I was the first person to show any interest in general political/social issues he'd met, most people's interests had apparently become so local it was nearly impossible for anyone to have opinions, ---- but that I'm guessing is a discussion for another time.

I will confess there are some fellows I met in my early days on ms whome I miss seeing around, but that is just the way things are and the nature of forums, ---- heck I'm hardly a regular attender myself anymore.

What I'm slightly more concerned about is as I said a slightly change in emphasis, since I see far fewer threads now where people express very raw emotion and just basically say "I'm pissed off today!"

This is something I think people probably could! help with, simply by being open, since frankly expressing very negative feelings especially at the worst periods to a bunch of strangers, ---- albeit strangers with likely some of the same experiences and thus a greater capacity to empathize is bloody difficult, and I remember for me it was the examples of posts from other members that made me become just as honest.

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#423381 - 01/27/13 04:54 PM Re: Thoughts to generate discussion [Re: Obi]
Letourski Offline


Registered: 03/15/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
I am going to come right out and say it. There is polarization here. No doubt about that. I have been a member for some time, and I am only in my late twenties. I have come and gone a few times. Truth is, I see more posts about what makes us different from one another then I do about what makes us similar. That might sound like a blanket statement, but consider how many SSA vs. Gay threads that have popped up over the last few years. Or even the what makes people gay questions that arise.

I certainly understand the need to explore those questions. But when I see people asserting themselves in a way that draws a clear line between "us" and "them" I have to ask myself what good that does. CSA affects everyone differently, but there are emotions that we have in common. The explosion of CSA reports has brought on its fair share of challenges, and as a community grows, full participation becomes more difficult. I do agree that a heartfelt welcome is important. I rarely hear "Welcome to MS, I am sorry you have to be here, but glad you found us."

Things change and that is inevitable, the wise men, the vets they part ways and move one. Hopefully to lead full lives. And as the door continues to swing open and closed, it's my sincere hope that we as a community can evolve together and continue to help each other in ways that are thought to be impossible for those just coming to terms with CSA. I could not have understood the impact that abuse has had on my life without the help of the many men who took their time to settle my frantic mind.

We share so many similarities. Our differences seem insignificant when we think about the reason we are all here in the first place. Heal well brothers.

Daniel
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