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#423280 - 01/26/13 01:33 PM please notice the name of this Forum -
wearytraveler Offline

Registered: 01/12/13
Posts: 49
Loc: xxxx
ok 2 times now i have been told i was either confused or I needed to make up my mind by different people on here.

May I just say that I am not confused and this is who I am.

I am not going to assume that the entire population on here feels that way about being bi but just a few on here that seem to be so concerned about being accepted as gay but absolutely hypocritical applying that acceptance to being bi.

Thank you for allowing me to say my peace.


#423299 - 01/26/13 03:45 PM Re: please notice the name of this Forum - [Re: wearytraveler]
1lifenow Offline

Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 407
Loc: west coast
There is only confusion if it confuses you, but you sound pretty sure of yourself. One of my buddies from the WoR knew he was bi, and that worked for him and his wife. They were both completely cool with "It". Cuz there is no "It" if it's not an issue.

For some of us, it was a struggle to figure out if that's how we truly were/ felt/ are? For me , it was thinking i was bi when was truly gay. So no matter what your sexual inclination and as long as there is no disconnect between what's in your head and where you are in your life , then its all good.

Oh course there is bi, generally there is a great pull one side or the other but it is clear we cant generalize for everyone.

If you are comfortable and accepting of both spirits, then others will be too. If not - F'em, or ironically probably not. Some guys struggle with accepting the not so str8 part and that's where the issues can lie.

the best answer i heard was 99.9% of people are straight, gay or bi, the others just not interested. One study said that shown porn, most gay men are only aroused by men, str8 men by women and the bi group showed 3/4 had the same arousal pattern as gay man and the rest like heteros.

It's just about all of us accepting whatever is in our heart and head and going with it. Friendship, compassion and love are all way more important than labels anyway.

Thanks for unconfounding the dichotomy wink

Sometimes the glass is truly both half full AND half empty.
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

#423324 - 01/26/13 11:02 PM Re: please notice the name of this Forum - [Re: wearytraveler]
Jacob S Offline

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 594
I'm married to a woman, monogamous, and plan to stay that way for the rest of my life.

But I identify as "bi."

If that confuses other people, that's not my problem.
Like a spent gladiator
crawling in the colosseum dust
who can count on his remaining limbs
all the people he can trust.
Like the one who stands behind him
cheering him on
Estatic when he stands defiant,
wild with abandon when he's gone

just stay alive.
do whatever you need to.
you are worth it.

#423858 - 01/31/13 10:58 AM Re: please notice the name of this Forum - [Re: wearytraveler]
CloudyFalls Offline

Registered: 07/18/12
Posts: 168
Loc: Ohio
This frustrates me, the lgbt community seems to sort of discard bisexuality by calling them curious or confused. I've felt that pressure to make up my mind as well, but the fact is I am bisexual, I am attracted to men and women sexually. The only thing I'm confused about is how I'm going to have a monogamous relationship, when I'm attracted to two sexes.

Being bisexual in my opinion is harder than being gay or lesbian. There's nothing to combat religion with, because now on their terms I must choose. And in societies terms there's a stigma that we're either doing it for attention, we're just sluts and will fuck anything, we're confused, or we're curious. I'm actually more afraid to say I'm bisexual than to say I'm gay, so I just say I'm gay instead. I could go on and on, but I'd need more info to back up my points, I don't wanna miscommunicate anything.
"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein

#423916 - 01/31/13 08:09 PM Re: please notice the name of this Forum - [Re: wearytraveler]
Dusty Boy Offline

Registered: 11/15/08
Posts: 280
Loc: Australia
I look at sexuality it is what it is, same as peoples dominant hand ie: right handed, left handed, ambidextrous (both handed equally), ambidextrous predominantly right handed, ambidextrous predominantly left handed. Myself am right handed yet there are a limited things I do left handed but not enough to call myself ambidextrous.
So I say why does it have to be such a big thing to identify as one brand of handiness or sexuality.

I am gay but growing up in the 50ís the pressure was to get married so I dated girls and I eventually married intending to be faithful, that is to not have sex outside the marriage with men or woman. She had a relationship with a student and we were going to separate the affair ended. We stayed together another 12 years till I became aware that she was becoming involved with another student so I left.
Since then I identify as gay. All my training to act straight has impacted on my persona and unless I tell people I am gay they assume I am hetro but being gay is only a minor part of who I am.


#423997 - 02/01/13 02:18 PM Re: please notice the name of this Forum - [Re: wearytraveler]
bodyguard8367 Offline

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""

Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 08:56 PM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

#424571 - 02/07/13 02:51 AM Re: please notice the name of this Forum - [Re: wearytraveler]
cdlphn Offline

Registered: 01/27/13
Posts: 9
I can relate to a lot of what others have posted in this thread. The information I have looked at (covered in "The Bisexual Option" by Fritz Klein) discusses that there are a lot of guys out there who have the experience of being sexually and/or romantically attracted to both men and women. Also, it is not uncommon for there to be a great deal of variety in how this shows up over time. Some guys will be more attracted to other males predominantly or even almost exclusively for a period of time, than to females, and back and forth. There can be periods of time when they are equally or somewhat equally attracted romantically and or sexually to both males and females at the same time. For me personally, these patterns have all played out plus more. It certainly has made the whole area around looking at what possibilities there are for a monogomous (or some appproximation) relationship very challenging. In some of my more recent relationships that have approached or reached the romantic or sexual level, I have tried to share my bisexuality with that person since I want the person to know that it is something they will have to accept about me if we are going to look at being in a relationship together.

#424949 - 02/11/13 10:18 AM Re: please notice the name of this Forum - [Re: wearytraveler]
wearytraveler Offline

Registered: 01/12/13
Posts: 49
Loc: xxxx

Thanks for your input on here I really appreciate the support, when I first wrote this - I was not as familiar with the hearts of the guys here as I am now. I am now seeing and have learned that the few who would say the things to me that were said are indeed in the minority.

Appreciate it

#425012 - 02/11/13 10:43 PM Re: please notice the name of this Forum - [Re: wearytraveler]
Lancer Offline

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
I think, too, Josh the reason you may have encountered insensitive remarks - I'm sorry you had to hear them here, of all places - has to do with reactions of gay people to history.

Waaaay back in the 70s, for example, the "bi" label was even used by Elton John and other entertainment figures to describe themselves. At the time, it was a radical but "safe" statement. Given his religious background, however, I'm a little suspicious of Ted Haggard's use of it. He's all about saving his own @$$.

Very often the most rabid anti-LGBT megaphones are closeted political, religious and other public figures who are struggling to repress or hide their own sexuality by lashing out in the angriest ways imaginable, invoking morals, Christianity, public safety, or whatever advances their little cause (and gives 'em a good bump in the polls). Then they get caught in an airport restroom, a rent boy toting his luggage, etc.

So, yeah, in that environment, the presumption of "guilt" is probably inevitable. Probably says more about them than you. Personally, I think a little "live and let live" would be good advice all the way around. Eventually it will calm down...and this thread is a good example of it.

One of my best friends identifies as bi. And I have to admit - perhaps given my own screaming queerness - I'd sometimes thot, "Aw, c'mon. Get off the fence." Frankly, our friendship is more important than labels. I DO have fun, tho, when he talks about an ex-girlfriend and I get to whine, "Aw, shit. We gonna talk about pussy and tits AGAIN? Ewwwww...." Hell, I can't even retaliate by describing MY old sexual exploits.

Glad you posted.

#425020 - 02/11/13 11:57 PM Re: please notice the name of this Forum - [Re: wearytraveler]
wearytraveler Offline

Registered: 01/12/13
Posts: 49
Loc: xxxx

Thanks for your response, while I appreciate the history involved in the gay community I don't see the roots of a bi person's history as one of that where people tried to hide their being gay or cover their ass by saying bi, to me bi is bi.

I just want to further clarify that the live and let live philosophy is something that I wish we all could embrace, quite honestly and this may be insulting to some but wrapping your entire identity into a sexual preference is limiting the definition of yourself - I believe that men and women are so much more than just a sexual preference, I don't believe that anyone is only gay or only bi or only straight but they are so much more it would be if you only defined yourself as being a parent, or only defined yourself as your own occupation, being any of these categories is one aspect of a life that has been given to us to live among all of the others who are living - if we could embrace each other - without focusing on cataloging a person into a group the amount of individualism would be celebrated and the definitions that we so quickly utilize for each person would be given less preference to the group and we would be looking at each individual as an individual - the word normal would be antiquated and shelved and perhaps one group or another group would not tell one individual how to live but celebrate that they do LIVE = and each person has a contribution to the whole.

I titled this thread please notice the title of this because I would like everyone to realize in the LGBT community that their are 4 letters there - I do not believe that 1 letter or one word can describe the vastness of an individual and in some cases it doesn't even begin to capture the vastness of the definition of human sexuality.


#441630 - 07/21/13 08:20 PM Re: please notice the name of this Forum - [Re: wearytraveler]
GoldStone Offline

Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
Well done. Good thread. BG nailed it.

#442673 - 07/30/13 08:36 PM Re: please notice the name of this Forum - [Re: wearytraveler]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 729
Loc: United States
Bisexual folks, and specifically bi men, exist and there is some great scientific research being done in this area. In the past, some research studies have cast doubt on the level of arousal bi men feel for both sexes - they found more attraction to men than women - but they didn't get the recruiting right and that affected the outcome [duh!]:

Past research not finding bisexual genital arousal patterns among bisexual men may have been affected by recruitment techniques. For example, bisexual men in those studies needed only to identify as bisexual and to self-report bisexual attractions (e.g., Rieger et al., 2005). Thus, the bisexual samples of previous studies may have been populated by men who had never or rarely behaved bisexually and perhaps identified as bisexual for reasons other than strong arousal to both sexes.... Additionally, bisexual participants in past studies were partly or exclusively recruited from the gay community. For example, the bisexual sample of Tollison et al. (1979) was recruited from a university gay student union. Thus, past studies may have unintentionally oversampled bisexual-identified men with homosexual arousal patterns.

Dan Savage has talked about "the young-and-temporarily-bi-identified and the gay-and-kidding-themselves-about-being-bi" folks getting into these studies and messing up the results. In a relatively recent study [Rosenthal, A.M., et al., Sexual arousal patterns of bisexual men revisited. Biol. Psychol. (2011), doi:10.1016/j.biopsycho.2011.06.015] they controlled for these folks and look what they found:

On average, the bisexual men in our sample had distinctly bisexual patterns of both genital and subjective arousal.... It appears that some men may identify as bisexual because they are sexually aroused by both sexes, even if they experience considerably more arousal to one sex than the other. Alternatively, men with bisexual arousal patterns may experience temporal fluctuations in their attractions and arousal to men and to women. Thus, a bisexual man may be more aroused by male stimuli at one time point but by female stimuli at another time point. Further, his arousal to his less arousing sex may vary in magnitude depending on fluctuations in his attractions to that sex at any given time.
The current study establishes that some bisexual men have bisexual arousal patterns. Accepting the centrality of sexual arousal patterns in understanding male sexual orientation (Bailey, 2009), this suggests that indeed, some men have a bisexual orientation.

So, wearytraveler and my other bisexual brothers you have *always* had a place here but now (look science!) you can send the uninformed here to read the research and not concern yourself.


Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

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