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#408955 - 09/04/12 07:32 PM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: SamV]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
Fellow survivors, the struggle to overcome a sexual addiction like pornography is a long, treacherous road, sound familiar? Yes, our recovery road is long and treacherous as well. So two roads? No, not really, more like a multiple lane highway. We can move from lane to lane, experiencing recovery strength in one lane, say personal boundaries, busting shame or fear, and move to another on the success of the last, pornography addiction, for example. We do not need to obsess that the result of this "change" is to fulfill the challenge to overcome the addiction. No this is a long process. We need supporters, advocates, compassion and affirming personal experiences.

I have found a wonderful site that lays out in great detail the many facets of overcoming pornography addiction:

http://www.feedtherightwolf.org/2010/05/how-to-stop-porn-addiction-stop-watching-porn/

Here we can find life experiences, steps, videos, advice on groups and therapists, and encouragement to succeed. Please let me know what you found interesting, what encouraged you, and in what you have tried and found a measure of success.

Thanks,
Sam
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MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#409568 - 09/09/12 05:24 AM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: SamV]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA


This is a Yahoo news photo, but the message is the same, Go Get A HUG, even if you have to wear one! smile

Sam
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MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#409610 - 09/09/12 04:38 PM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: SamV]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6845
Loc: USA
Sam

Thanks for that picture. I enjoy pictures like that a lot. I wish that buying a jacket would solve the problem of insufficient hugs. I can't remember my mom or dad ever hugging me. My grandma did. Then on and on and on. No hugs ever. Finally I got married to an affectionate wife and she started turning this around.

I think one element of recovery from porn is to be responsible to somebody. Someone he respects needs to check with him every day: 'Have you had control over this issue.' Probably an element of porn addiction is , as you suggest, insufficient hugs.

I'm in Weight Watchers. They only meet weekly. Everyone says it works. I'm struggling right now. But one of the reasons it works is that we have to weigh in every week. This means that we are responsible in a painless way to somebody for our performance. Then we have a little meeting in which a "coach" gives us tips on how to succeed. This kind of thing might work with many habitual areas of life.

I suppose that a boy who grows up without hugs is more susceptible to many kinds of abuse.

Puffer


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#409681 - 09/10/12 09:40 AM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: SamV]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
I think one element of recovery from porn is to be responsible to somebody. Someone he respects needs to check with him every day: 'Have you had control over this issue.' Probably an element of porn addiction is , as you suggest, insufficient hugs.Oh yes, absolutely we need to find someone to respect for our relief. Hugs is a sign, like two fingers in a "V" came to mean more than Victory, but Peace as well. My wife too was the affection and absolute conviction of loyalty that helped me to heal me as well. Her constant attention, devotion and compassion taught me. So with that teaching, I hug me. I am the respectable one that can affirm me, can support me, can comfort and hug me. Your work in WW is an extension of what we need, understanding and encouragement, so that we can begin and maintain healthy traits. For you, dear (((Allen))), much success on a healthier you. Thank you for joining us in enriching ourselves through healthy outlets.
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MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#409791 - 09/11/12 03:27 AM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: SamV]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3603
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey guys, I did it again, I'm not proud on myself and need some support.
It was very difficult time beside me:
I need to finish my post graduate study and have just one month left. So I took some time from my job, isolated myself and did some work last week, for three days I was doing from morning till night.
At same time one friend who is in unsafe environment was beaten and molested in bestial way again and now in hospital under intensive care frown
He has no one in real word and it is very difficult for me to watch such heavy suffering....
I was under huge pressure, felt very low and helpless and I did watch some porn and read some blogs about very risky behavior among men. Somehow I forced myself to stop it at the end...
And finally this last weekend I was at one party where I meet beautiful girl, she is friend of my niece and I know her already for couple of years. In short we danced and spent some time together and suddenly we admitted that we have had crush on each other some time ago... She is leaving today and last night we managed to see each other, it was like second date and it was great.
Anyway I can't believe that such beauty is interested in me, all time I was keep repeating in my mind that I'm not dreaming.
When I came to my home I was like in heaven....
During my sleep I have had some dreams almost like sexual in nature, I can't recall anything specific just such feelings in background.
I wake up before dawn and went on internet, I've read couple of pages of blogs about very nasty things and I did MB.
Must say that couple days ago I removed any records of such pages from my comp and decided to do what ever is needed to avoid it and somehow I was sucsessful.
So I felt so low again, dirty and not worthy.
I still can't believe that beautiful girl is interested in me, I'm sacred if I fall in love with her that I'll bring some terrible things to someone so innocent, I rely felt desperate.
And I need hug badly frown

Pero
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My story

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#409798 - 09/11/12 04:53 AM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: SamV]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3363
Loc: somewhere in Africa
((((((((((((Pero))))))))))))

sorry about your friend who was abused.
and happy about the beautiful new friend girl.

you have made some very good and positive steps. good for you!

OK - so you slipped. don't beat yourself up. you are not the only one that does that. get back up and start heading in the right direction again. you know the way.

we still love you.
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#409801 - 09/11/12 06:51 AM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: SamV]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
(((Igor)))

You are under so much stress, I can feel that struggle. I am happy you found a beautiful girl, Igor. You have put up good defenses so that you did not run to that porn, it was a struggle to get to the porn, it was difficult, right? That is such a good thing. Please remember that you are in training, so there will be times when it is overwhelming, and it is those times we will be here to support and encourage you to keep trying. We are in training with you, and we understand.

You have already succeeded fellow survivor, keep up the GOOD WORK!

Sam
_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#409808 - 09/11/12 08:30 AM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: SamV]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3603
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey (((Lee and Sam)))
thanks for supportive words, I needed it.
I'm not too hard on myself, I'm who I'm including "bad" parts. I guess I just wanted to be honest and to share in full my fragility, somehow I become stronger trough that.
I'm grateful for MS, I can't imagine my life without all of you guys!

Pero (Igor)
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My story

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#410153 - 09/14/12 09:31 PM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: SamV]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
(((Igor))) Recovering survivors that make assertive, healthy disclosures and seek positive actions for themselves are proving that recovery works! You are breaking through the shame, the stigma and the negative cycling behavior, well done!

This is a powerful post Igor, and it is from a powerful, compassionate man, congratulations.

Sam
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MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#410176 - 09/15/12 01:05 AM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: SamV]
Letourski Offline


Registered: 03/15/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
About a year ago (June of last year), I officially recognized I had a problem with porn and decided it was time to face it. I joined an online program and saw some success. They used cognitive behavioral techniques to re-wire the brain by modifying thought processes. I ultimately left the program, feeling that there was a lot of shame in the forum. There, many men spoke of their sexual urges as shameful. I have seen a lifetime of shame, and decided it was not a good place to be.

Many things began to surface when I quit porn. The crippling inner voice that told me I was completely worthless became louder and louder. Feelings that were numb for the last 21 years became "un-frozen" and boy did they feel intense. I wasn't emotionally prepared to deal with any of that. I slipped in and out of addiction multiple times over. Looking back today, I can say that I was always moving in the right direction. My overall use of porn to numb my life was going down. It has taken me this long to allow my brain to come down from using porn all these years. I weened myself off of it (unknowingly) like you would a drug or anti-depressant.

The whole process was one of self discovery. And then you Sam, wrote something in a post that struck me and radically changed everything. You wrote that addiction to porn and sex was merely a way for us to seek acceptance and love. That resonated so deep in me. From that moment, porn lost all of its appeal. You lifted the veil long enough for me to see the illusion that is porn. I have not viewed porn in over a month. The voice in my head has changed, and I am feeling much better about myself.

I know there is still a ways to go, and I have accepted that it's a journey with no absolute destination. Igor, stay the course my friend. I know it feels like you are taking one step forward, and two steps back. Trust in the process. Recovery isn't linear. That is true of CSA recovery and it is true of porn addiction recovery. You have to trust that you are moving in the right direction. I didn't know I was, but sitting here today I can clearly see that I was. Believe in yourself, because we believe in you. Heal well friend.

Daniel
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I am the warrior.

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