hi, Jacob -
Her comment became a real catalyst for a wave of painful flashbacks like I have never had before.
yup - it's hard not to get further polarized when that happen. you are doing well in that respect if you can keep a cool head - at least outwardsly - and not alienate the two of you even more. too easy to lash back or withdraw into isolation - a hard lesson learned for me.
The issue isn't her vs. me anymore, now its me vs. my past and whether I can tell her what has been going on with me for the past week without overwhelming her again.
glad you are on the same "side" now - more or less. you can take it slow and easy - make general comments - like - "i got triggered" or "had a bad flashback" or "something brought up some difficult memories." you don't have to go into detail. if she seems able to handle it - you can always fill in more - but can stop whenever you need to - for both of your sakes.
my wife is in an awkward place of inconsistent tension - pulled back and forth between wanting to know everything - and being afraid to face it all - or not able to handle all the ramifications. that's the hard part for me - it's not "just the facts, m'am." there are so many consequences that neither she nor i are comfortable to explore. i know what it all means but she would have a tough time grasping everything at this point. and i am afraid the too graphic revelations would undo a lot of progress. so we remain in an uneasy equilibrium...
hang in there, man. you have good instincts - i'm sure you will find you way.