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#423087 - 01/24/13 05:35 AM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: SamV]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3618
Loc: South-East Europe
Hi Sam and all,
I come here to show my struggle and be honest and open with you guys. I didn't feel well lately and I did it again, I skip in world of porn.
I've been included into some happenings which brought a lot of anxiety and problems with my sleep lately. And when some uncertainties are grooving and when situation is helpless that is triggering my anxiety and I guess similar negative feelings.
I hate myself as I can't change my coping mechanism and as I'm hyper-sexual, like such solution can bring anything.
I find difficult to rewire my brain no matter how hardly I'm trying. I just couldn't resist challenge and it made me sad.

Additionally I don't know how to prevent similar happenings in future and that is the main reason why I'm here, yes I'm fragile and I don't know how to deal with this issue.
Above all it is difficult for me sometimes to ask for help, it is difficult to be aware that I'm in trouble as I wrote here in this post but I decided to reach out and to share my struggles with you. I'm more than grateful that we have such opportunity offered here.

Sam you asked me recently if you could do something for me?
Well you did it already by opening this thread. Thank you for being so supportive to all of us here.

Here is my hug for all of you guys here (((( MS )))) as I need one too badly wink

Pero (Igor)
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My story

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#423088 - 01/24/13 05:52 AM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: SamV]
crazy gecko Offline


Registered: 10/04/12
Posts: 309
Here is a hug for you, buddy. I hope it helps.

(((((((Pero)))))))
_________________________
I guess what I'm trying to say
Is whose life is it anyway because livin'
Living is the best revenge
You can play
-- Def Leppard

My Story, Part 2

My blog

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#423092 - 01/24/13 07:06 AM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: SamV]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3618
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Gecko, thanks buddy,
Hugs and emotions always help me. I'm very happy seeing you sharing it wink

(((((crazy gecko)))))
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My story

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#423095 - 01/24/13 07:52 AM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: SamV]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5945
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
{{{Igor}}}

Please know absolutely that you are making progress. If you count the times you resisted looking against the times you did, you would be successful because you are either average, above average or doing exceptionally well.

how can you prevent looking in the future? Run!!! when the urge to look happens what, run. go to another room go outside go grocery shopping. if you have a laptop shut the top. If you have a monitor turn it off. most importantly, hug yourself. you are wanting to look because you're feeling lonely because you want a relationship. when you hug yourself, look in a mirror in your eyes. Tell yourself you are sorry for the pain that you had to experience, but that you are safe now and you will protect yourself.
_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#423194 - 01/25/13 09:29 AM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: SamV]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3618
Loc: South-East Europe
Thank you (((Sam))), I really appreciate it!
Maybe I'll need to throw my laptop trough window next time, lol, sometimes only some radical actions are working!

Pero
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#423199 - 01/25/13 11:22 AM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: SamV]
genedebs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/12
Posts: 287
Loc: MO
I still use porn as a masturbatory tool. For me it is not the porn. It is the need for masturbation. A hug, the experience of support and willingness to express positive regard toward me, is not very helpful for me.

I have a hard time accepting the hug as anything but a response to my behaviour. I cannot accept that it is about who I am.

And it certainly does not offer any kind of sexual release. In fact if I accept it as sexual it is very uncomfortable. Thank you for the topic.

It makes me examine myself and look ata what I am doing with porn. Mostly it is my obsession with oral sex, the most frequent experience of my csa (both forced and manipulated doing it and being done).

I know this is not healthy, but it is far more healthy than self mutilation.I feel it is safe to be open here. I don't really know if this is a good thread to express myself. I feel so sad and self pitying this morning.

Thank you for being here.

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#423201 - 01/25/13 12:43 PM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: genedebs]
Tyler845 Offline


Registered: 11/04/10
Posts: 276
Loc: U.S.A.
Support for you genedebs.

Can relate to the oral fixation.

I hope toward your wellness.

Take it easy on yourself, as hard as that is to do sometimes, given mistakes and what you may feel are failures on your part. You can walk stronger next time. Always another chance, as long as you're able to read this.

Be well.
_________________________
Most Often, The Child Inside Has Better Access To Execute The Flawless Potential Of Self.

Over-Ride Emotional Conflict With Rational Truths

You Are Freer Than You Think - Paul Berteaux

Come unto Me, all ye that Labor, and are Heavy-ladened. I will give you Rest -Jesus Christ

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#423207 - 01/25/13 01:27 PM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: SamV]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5945
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
Absolutely what Tyler says, you will walk stronger the next time you need to consider this abuse control. That is what it is, had you not experienced this during the abuse or after, you may not have been fixated on the act. A hug is a balance, not sex, not isolation, but in the middle. When we become sad or lonely, we tend to obsess about the lack of companionship in our lives. Too, it could be that we are feeling shame or frustration, all negative thoughts and feelings. When they become too much, we feel we need to relieve ourselves. The length and strength that we have become negative must also be reversed back to a point of function, so we need a great amount of stimuli to correct that imbalance. In a word, porn. That coping mechanism will jettison the negative thoughts like a reset button, clearing those hurtful feelings and creating a euphoric, overwhelming positive feeling inside us.

Recovery helps to create steps to slow our decent into despair of those negative feelings and eventually to be able to find positive coping skills like calming breathing, positive visualization and relaxation techniques. These support us and help us to take in helpful, functional thoughts we practice till we believe in them and they become a daily part of our internal support. We can even get to the point of automation, where we do not have to think through a process, it is already on.

Whatever you feel now fellow survivor, wherever you feel you are in recovery and how you perceive your current status, that is to be respected and supported. You are doing your best, it IS enough.

I am glad you posted in this topic, my best to you.

Sam
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MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#423209 - 01/25/13 02:17 PM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: SamV]
Candu Offline


Registered: 06/30/12
Posts: 312
Loc: Canada
I have recently been communicating with a woman from another rape/csa support site. In very little time we have developed a very close connection. A lot of unconditional acceptance from both sides. The discussions have been very emotionally intimate. To the point where in her last message she needed to clarify that she was not interested in any romantic or sexual relationship, that she thought that I felt the same way but still needed to clarify things. I agreed with her completely and expressed my desire for a true friendship and confirmed that I had no interest in any romantic involvement with her.

So what the hell does this have to do with this thread?

I became even less interested in porn. I look forward to reading her messages. I enjoy writing to her and telling her about myself, the good, the bad, and the ugly.(sorry I just had to) I feel great about the friendship bond that we are developing. And porn seems to be the loser. smile Yes I would like to develop a loving, romantic, sexual relationship with a woman in time (locally) but I'm not where I need to be for that to happen. And if and when it does happen I can tell my internet woman friend all about it.

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#423212 - 01/25/13 02:53 PM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: SamV]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5945
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
{{{Candu}}}

I celebrate this success with you, what a wonderful find! Replacement is the key to recovery, it helps to wean off the strong extreme emotions of porn and isolation, and brings us a balance of interest and curiosity. These then empower us to healthy relationships, inside and out.

Keep recovering, keep aware of yourself and live the life you are making the effort for fellow survivor! Great work here!
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