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#417680 - 11/29/12 09:19 PM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: SamV]
Tyler845 Offline


Registered: 11/04/10
Posts: 276
Loc: U.S.A.
Thanks Man. Really.

Am trying again tonight. Had a few falls lately. Knowing they're not as important as continuing in resolve is sometimes a tough pill to swallow, but exactly the antidote to overcome completely.
I don't fully accept that idea even now. It's only a drop in the bucket at times when I'm hating. (Feeling down on myself) With as much as I've done since new year I should feel great. Sober from alcohol/everything else illegal for around 7 months- Tryin to talk to girls again. Workin out- bout have a 6 pack - Joined the local church- have friends now- play basketball alot more again-
I still find ways to belittle and degrade everything about me. Even if it isnt a completely coherent thought, the feeling and fear of inevitable failure clings so strongly- I will

Be Happy

Hugs for anyone who trusts enough to accept them. Don't fear this simple gesture planted by a solemn sower. ((((( )))))

Lee- I shared your signature as a post on another site. Thanks for sharing that. Hadn't came across it til just now. Awesome verse.
_________________________
Most Often, The Child Inside Has Better Access To Execute The Flawless Potential Of Self.

Over-Ride Emotional Conflict With Rational Truths

You Are Freer Than You Think - Paul Berteaux

Come unto Me, all ye that Labor, and are Heavy-ladened. I will give you Rest -Jesus Christ

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#417683 - 11/29/12 09:35 PM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: SamV]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5947
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
It is a process Tyler. That you are aware of that is a good thing. You are thinking about the process and experience setbacks, not the cycle of the being controlled by triggers and coping mechanisms. You have come a long way, this IS the right path. KEEP TRYING! This too will become a part of the life recovered.

Good work on bringing you to the life you want to live, I celebrate that with you.

My best to you, Sam
_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#417684 - 11/29/12 09:36 PM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: SamV]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3516
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Tyler - i had read through that verse or over it or past it many times and never saw it. and then suddenly it just jumped off the page and smacked me in the eye! glad it spoke to you, too.

since this thread came up again - i'll give an update:

a couple weeks ago my wife found evidence of my "fall" on our computer. i thought i had removed everything - but i was busted. it was a long, dark week for both of us. we worked through it last Friday with our T's help and we are back on track again.

one good outcome was that by coming clean about it and telling her the whole back-story of what i was looking for and why (stuff that depicts similar scenarios to my past) she is starting to understand better what i am dealing with and the confusion and - as my T calls it - "crossed wires."

now here is the most amazing part - she asked me if i could come to her instead whenever i feel that need/desire. WOW - talk about HUGS instead!!! i think this is going to work well for me/us. in the past week i have already felt less attraction in the wrong direction and more toward her.

(i didn't want to share this {wounded pride!} - but it seems pretty clear that i should!)
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#417686 - 11/29/12 09:47 PM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: SamV]
Tyler845 Offline


Registered: 11/04/10
Posts: 276
Loc: U.S.A.
Thanks Bro'

Imitation being the sincerest form of flattery, and with flattery not necessarily in-sincere,

My best to you, as well.
_________________________
Most Often, The Child Inside Has Better Access To Execute The Flawless Potential Of Self.

Over-Ride Emotional Conflict With Rational Truths

You Are Freer Than You Think - Paul Berteaux

Come unto Me, all ye that Labor, and are Heavy-ladened. I will give you Rest -Jesus Christ

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#417785 - 11/30/12 04:23 PM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: traveler]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1600
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: traveler
a couple weeks ago my wife found evidence of my "fall" on our computer. i thought i had removed everything - but i was busted. ..........now here is the most amazing part - she asked me if i could come to her instead whenever i feel that need/desire.



HOLY COW!!! You better treat her right, that the most amazing response ever. Are there more like her across the pond?

Jude
_________________________
Seems I've got to have a change of scene
Every night I have the strangest dreams
Imprisoned by the way it could have been
Left here on my own or so it seems
I've got to leave before I start to scream
Joe Cocker

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#417797 - 11/30/12 07:10 PM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: traveler]
Tyler845 Offline


Registered: 11/04/10
Posts: 276
Loc: U.S.A.
That's awesome Lee !

I second what Jude has said- Quite the lady you have there. Congratulations. Nice work as well on your sharing and working through your "fall" I have 'em, Imagine we all do. No fall last night so I'm feeling good on this subject a.t.m. Here's to keeping positivity Going !

Be well Guys'
_________________________
Most Often, The Child Inside Has Better Access To Execute The Flawless Potential Of Self.

Over-Ride Emotional Conflict With Rational Truths

You Are Freer Than You Think - Paul Berteaux

Come unto Me, all ye that Labor, and are Heavy-ladened. I will give you Rest -Jesus Christ

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#417818 - 12/01/12 02:08 AM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: SamV]
Letourski Offline


Registered: 03/15/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
Hey Guys,

I am glad to see this thread still going strong.

Tyler,

You are moving along the path my friend. I felt for a long time like I wasn't going anywhere with it. In June of 2011 I realized I had a problem with porn/mb. I vowed to stop. It has been sea-saw for sure. And at times I felt stuck, but in reality every day I was making progress. Whether it was 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 months. Always moving forward. And eventually came some clarity, some space between the feelings and the behaviors. It was enough space to remind myself of how closely it resembled the very things that were thrust upon me as a child. And I didn't want that.

It's a learning process and I thought I was going backwards with each fall, but in fact I was and still am healing. Recovery and healing are from linear. Keep trying! There is no such thing as failure if you keep getting back up. Heal well. Feel free to pm me if you ever feel the need.

Sincerely,

Daniel
_________________________
I am the warrior.

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#417884 - 12/01/12 04:59 PM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: Letourski]
Tyler845 Offline


Registered: 11/04/10
Posts: 276
Loc: U.S.A.
Thanks man. Your offer of support means alot. I'm still fighting the good fight and am working on a week sober from the particular subject. I note that time in church "usually" adds to my strength and ability to execute sobriety under pressure. Nice day with the family happening as I type, so I've reason to be happy on both fronts.

Be well Brothers'
_________________________
Most Often, The Child Inside Has Better Access To Execute The Flawless Potential Of Self.

Over-Ride Emotional Conflict With Rational Truths

You Are Freer Than You Think - Paul Berteaux

Come unto Me, all ye that Labor, and are Heavy-ladened. I will give you Rest -Jesus Christ

Top
#422541 - 01/18/13 04:55 PM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: Tyler845]
Tyler845 Offline


Registered: 11/04/10
Posts: 276
Loc: U.S.A.
Hugs
_________________________
Most Often, The Child Inside Has Better Access To Execute The Flawless Potential Of Self.

Over-Ride Emotional Conflict With Rational Truths

You Are Freer Than You Think - Paul Berteaux

Come unto Me, all ye that Labor, and are Heavy-ladened. I will give you Rest -Jesus Christ

Top
#422597 - 01/18/13 11:13 PM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: SamV]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5947
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
Lee! What a wonderful supporter, you are fortunate. You know, she is drawn to you as you are drawn to her, she feels/she knows the person you are making the effort to be, and she is patiently waiting. You are quite a catch, remember that. Continue to live the life you are exerting yourself for in this struggle, choose HUGS, choose empowerment through many battles, that the victory is assured. Thank you for your share!

@Letorski, Daniel
Quote:
It was enough space to remind myself of how closely it resembled the very things that were thrust upon me as a child. And I didn't want that.
Indeed we do not want that, but we are programmed to expect it, and when we do not have it regularly, we become apprehensive, fearful. We need to HUG ourselves like we DID want, to consider carefully how we feel we would have been successfully raised with attention, support, caring and investment, and find those things in ourselves, mature them, accept them in us. What great advice... Keep trying! Yes!

@Tyler
We need to remember those affirming good times, and not invest in the dysfunction that overwhelms us. We are as sick as our secrets, I have told hundreds, and with each telling I am less overwhelmed. When you are ready, keep trying(I love that Daniel, thanks!), keep reaching out, keep seeking that with your make an effort to live, your life calm, balanced, content, peaceful. It is within your grasp.

Thank you for continuing this fellow survivors, my best to you and indeed, to us all!

Sam
_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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