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#423003 - 01/23/13 09:41 AM difficulties with asking for help
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3621
Loc: South-East Europe
Due to some things that I'm going trough lately I was very busy and all over the place. Among other things I've been involved into something that is difficult to deal.
And when some uncertainties are grooving and when situation is helpless that is triggering my anxiety and I guess similar negative feelings.
So with all that tension has built in me recently and I can't get any relief no matter how hardly I'm trying. I didn't sleep much for weekend and I reached for porn and did a lot of masturbation (I'm ashamed how many times I did it, it could be easily said that I broke some record to be ironic here). It helped me sometimes but not this time. I tried to exhaust my self with sport too and also it wasn't too helpful. Somehow I'm tireless and I guess some chemical or hormone balance is out of order in me.
The thing that is bothering me is that trough porn I'm in some way self-destructive as I'm looking for some stuff that I'm not proud of and that is triggering. I hate when I felt driven in such cycle (and such my coping mechanism) and now I'm just waiting for those negative emotions to settle down. I guess in all this it is the most difficult for me feeling helpless and driven by my compulsion trough anxiety. I'm somehow stuck and don't know how to change my approach and to prevent similar happenings in future.

My T is out of town (she will come back I hope next week) and I could call her by Skype although I don't feel "good enough" not "worthy or brave" to make such step. I've been on my own for so long and I have difficulties to reach for help. I always fought with my issues by myself and actually now after many years I even don't know how to ask for help...
Even I shared all what I have on my back with my T I still don't feel "close" enough somehow. Or to put it in other words I'm difficult to be spontaneous and true myself beside when Iím in therapy. It is somehow different when Iím having some scheduled meeting. I would share also that trough therapy I've discovered feelings of loneliness and isolation that I've been carrying since my childhood and that are the most difficult emotions that I occasionally have problems to deal with.
I donít know why is so difficult for me to reach out and to do something for myself, it always looks like Iím much better in helping others. Sometimes actually I donít have at all my needs spotted in first plan.

To be honest this is not the first time that I'm having such problems and that I couldn't ask for help. After some crisis is over I found it less important to talk about it (even I did) and when I'm in it is too difficult to reach out. So in some way I'm like torn inside and like always slightly not synchronized with some internal needs and outgoing reaching for help. It looks like there is always something like safety airbag that is stabilizing impacts of my inner struggles before I'm ready to share it to outside world.

I'm feeling a little bit better since yesterday and I have had more sleep last night so in some way things are turning to better. I think that even more is helping when I'll write all this so I'm just venting and trying to lower my inner pressure...
Any comment is more than appreciated!

Pero
_________________________
My story

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#423035 - 01/23/13 05:58 PM Re: difficulties with asking for help [Re: peroperic2009]
LazyPirate Offline


Registered: 01/03/13
Posts: 106
Loc: Ontario
I too have trouble asking for help, until it's almost too late... Cue; explosion of emotions. Even with those I'm closest to, the ability to open my mouth & say the words seems like a daunting task. Try to be brave... Step outside your comfort zone. You'll feel better after you do.
_________________________
The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression. - Gary Larson

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#423039 - 01/23/13 07:09 PM Re: difficulties with asking for help [Re: peroperic2009]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3516
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Originally Posted By: peroperic2009
Due to some things that I'm going trough lately I was very busy and all over the place. Among other things I've been involved into something that is difficult to deal.
And when some uncertainties are grooving and when situation is helpless that is triggering my anxiety and I guess similar negative feelings.
...
I don't feel "good enough" not "worthy or brave" to make such step. I've been on my own for so long and I have difficulties to reach for help. I always fought with my issues by myself and actually now after many years I even don't know how to ask for help...
...
I donít know why is so difficult for me to reach out and to do something for myself, it always looks like Iím much better in helping others. Sometimes actually I donít have at all my needs spotted in first plan.


Pero, my dear friend, i feel your pain. i wish i had known of this. i too went through a dark time this past weekend - and - like you - didn't reach out for help. like you, i feel others are worth it and i can often make more effort to help them than to help myself. you do that all the time. we really do need each other. if we had both spoken up - it would have been better for both of us. maybe next time we can try that...?

and you are SO worthy of receiving help and encouragement and support and love. i know that the past memories and present thoughts and feelings say the opposite - but that is a lie! WE value YOU and there are more of us - so - majority wins!!!

((((((((((((Pero))))))))))))
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#423078 - 01/24/13 02:00 AM Re: difficulties with asking for help [Re: peroperic2009]
crazy gecko Offline


Registered: 10/04/12
Posts: 309
Pero - I think we all regard you as one of the most supportive members on this forum. You have certainly given me a lot of support, both on the forums and via PM, and in doing have made a huge difference to me. It saddens me to know that you were suffering so much all this time and you never felt safe enough to reach out to us in return...

You are our friend and our brother and we love you. You are absolutely worthy of reaching out and asking for help! You have given so much to this board - you deserve to get something back. I hope that you will find the courage to be more open. You have already taken the first step by posting this thread, and for that I say "Well Done!".

(((((Pero)))))
_________________________
I guess what I'm trying to say
Is whose life is it anyway because livin'
Living is the best revenge
You can play
-- Def Leppard

My Story, Part 2

My blog

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#423081 - 01/24/13 02:45 AM Re: difficulties with asking for help [Re: peroperic2009]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3621
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey LazyPirate, Lee and cray gecko, thanks for your thoughts and support. It means a lot for me!

Originally Posted By: LazyPirate
I too have trouble asking for help, until it's almost too late... Cue; explosion of emotions. Even with those I'm closest to, the ability to open my mouth & say the words seems like a daunting task. Try to be brave... Step outside your comfort zone. You'll feel better after you do.

I'm definitely thinking to reach my T and to break my walls, thanks Pirate!

Originally Posted By: traveler
Pero, my dear friend, i feel your pain. i wish i had known of this. i too went through a dark time this past weekend - and - like you - didn't reach out for help. like you, i feel others are worth it and i can often make more effort to help them than to help myself. you do that all the time. we really do need each other. if we had both spoken up - it would have been better for both of us. maybe next time we can try that...?

and you are SO worthy of receiving help and encouragement and support and love. i know that the past memories and present thoughts and feelings say the opposite - but that is a lie! WE value YOU and there are more of us - so - majority wins!!!

((((((((((((Pero))))))))))))
Lee


Thank you Lee,
good idea to try next time to reach ant talk about struggles, I'm in it and next time I'll try to talk with you wink
(((Lee)))

Originally Posted By: crazy gecko
Pero - I think we all regard you as one of the most supportive members on this forum. You have certainly given me a lot of support, both on the forums and via PM, and in doing have made a huge difference to me. It saddens me to know that you were suffering so much all this time and you never felt safe enough to reach out to us in return...

You are our friend and our brother and we love you. You are absolutely worthy of reaching out and asking for help! You have given so much to this board - you deserve to get something back. I hope that you will find the courage to be more open. You have already taken the first step by posting this thread, and for that I say "Well Done!".

(((((Pero)))))

Thank you gecko, if I didn't spoke with you I don't think that I wold post anything. It is not just that I have problems with asking for help, many times I'm not at all aware that I need it.
I feel safe to share all my problems with this community but I also found trough therapy strict cultural values that were grown in me during my childhood and that sometimes drive me.
As I'm coming from very conservative patriarchal culture I have difficulties to see self as fragile and someone who doesn't have control over his life and who needs occasionally help.
I see my self in such light many times unconsciously and I even imposed some very strict rules to myself. For example I'm never allowed to feel joy in some sexual pleasures expect to masturbate (as it is harmless for me and others), or I'm not allowed to crash (even I can cry and be emotional complete feelings of lost and despair are not allowed and I never felt completely "lost"), I don't know what is meaning of word break down (I'm always holding my nerves and I can take a lot even when some people around me can literary went crazy).

I'm happy that you stayed with us here, be aware that you are teaching us a lot about recovery and healing
Thanks for being so brave!

(((Gecko)))

Thanks guys one more time for encouragement and support!

Pero
_________________________
My story

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