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#423079 - 01/24/13 02:05 AM The FIRST Therapist
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
The first T I visited with, I contacted by email, then phone, then in person. She was a Phd so she should have been at the top of her game. On all three of these contacts, she spent an inordinate amount of MY time, not filtering my issue, but explaining her requirements to contact law enforcement. Each time. When she met me in person, her positioning in the office, her elaborate explanation of contacting the police let me know clearly that 1) she felt threatened by my presence. 2) she had not much interest or experience in helping someone of the male gender- let alone one who might have issues of ASA- especially one aged 50+. 3) she fully expected me to admit to a "Sandusky", if you will.

Imagine...I wanted to apologize for being over 6-2, for being 200lbs, for being an educator, for being a male, for...just being me..for being there in that room...I was truly sorry for my very existence at that point.

I was embarrassed, disheartened by her comments and behavior, and deeply offended. She ended the session by giving me a questionnaire on co-dependency (so 1980s) and the 100$ + bill- she didn't accept insurance.

This experience is what every guy wants- the assumption that a sexual assault against his body is his fault because he is co- dependent. I was raped and it was my fault. Yessiree. Those were not her exact words, but I came away with nothing positive- except for the co-dependency questionnaire (my humor is sometimes sharp). I almost gave up the very day I sought help. Actually I did give up.

I suppose I share this because one weak T can truly set anyone of ASA back into the emotional void we all struggle to pull from. On that afternoon visit to that office, not only was I victimized again by words and behavior, it was confirmed what I was fighting against- yep, big guy...it must have been your fault. You were co-dependent!

It wasn't my fault and I'm not co- dependent, but for a few weeks I surely beat the hell out of my spirit believing it was. That was only a couple months ago. A few weeks later, a close friend- who has no idea I was actually raped- recommended someone. It took four visits, but I shared what happened. A few tears actually fell. The door has been opened. This T has not force closed that door. Hopefully, I will find a new beginning. And by the way, nor has this counselor mentioned law enforcement. One day, I may fully cry in her presence...maybe.
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#423183 - 01/25/13 06:45 AM Re: The FIRST Therapist [Re: ThisMan]
manofwisdom Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/03/12
Posts: 21
Loc: Minnesota, USA
Hi Bill,

I, too, am a survivor of adult sexual abuse. I was 21 and on a long trip with a priest moving him from Minnesota to Louisianna. Two nights in a row he woke me up with his penis in my face to suck him off. He was my priest, confessor and friend. There was another college student in the next bed so everything was very quiet.

The effect on me was devestating. I saught help to no avail. I did not no what "gay" was at the time.

So triggers for me are authority figures, Sundays and church. I still deal with this after 39 years.

You have my support and encouragement.

Jerry
_________________________
Jerry

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#423228 - 01/25/13 08:06 PM Re: The FIRST Therapist [Re: ThisMan]
CruxFidelis Offline


Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 486
Loc: NJ
It's too bad therapists can't offer a 1 session "free trial." I would refuse to pay over $100 for a re-victimizing guilt trip.

I don't understand how a so called "therapist" could think that being co dependent is related to sexual assault. I have had therapists and hospital social workers say dumb things to me, too. One hospital T asked me if I was sexually attracted to the guy who attacked me... not only am i not at all attracted to men but it's hard to be sexually attracted to someone who is beating you and forcing you to do terrible things.

Rape is violence. You didn't deserve it then and you don't deserve to be marginalized now. It's not a matter of being "co-dependent" (your "so 1980's" comment did make me laugh) or whatever psychobabble people are coming up with now. You were victimized and you deserve the SAME care and concern that is given to female survivors and male CSA survivors.

I'm happy that you found another T that is working out better. Let us know how it is going.
_________________________
“If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.”

- Saint John of the Cross

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#423300 - 01/26/13 03:50 PM Re: The FIRST Therapist [Re: ThisMan]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
My new friends. I thank you so much for sharing and letting me know there are other men dealing with this. ...I just have no words right now. But thanks.
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#423637 - 01/29/13 07:04 PM Re: The FIRST Therapist [Re: ThisMan]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Just excellent billray. Unfortunately, this T is going to keep pulling this sh*t with others. Glad you were clear enough to get out of the situation. Well done.

It's similar to a T to whom I told I'd been diagnosed with long term clinical depression (by a real doctor who prescribed an antidepressant). Her reaction was, "You know what your problem is? You don't do anything until you're backed into a corner!" I walked.

And you'll hear your share of stories here that many Ts aren't equipped to even believe that CSA isn't just an issue for children. Those children become adults. Therefore, I would expect that type to have any concept of ASA against a man.

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