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#42323 - 06/19/03 10:58 PM Re: Constructive Anger
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Men, I read here of some men who think that they are not man enough today to speak out--sounding like they feel inferior. godsrabbit is certainly advocating for the fact that we are all men. As Dave says, we have different strengths and do different things. Outis, you are already a strong man breaking the silence., there is no "someday I will be man enough," you are man enough now and have done it already.

Think about these ideas and see if they make sense:
__some men come here to read and do not post--they are still strong men
__some men work on their legislators and get bills passed. They are strong men.
__many people come here to learn about us. So, posting here at all is already breaking the silence and setting things straight to the entire WWW
__some of us write and speak and do a lot to bring the message about male CSA to a broader audience. We do it because we are comfortable doing it.
__I can tell you that I do it because all of you men, and folks in family and friends have brought me to a point where it is not possible for me to keep quiet. That is just my way--others have other ways.
__some men have told their spouses and families and some have not. One is not better than the other. From all I have read it seems that we do what we can when our spirit lets us know we can do it.
__keeping quiet as we continue to learn and get more comfortable with who we are is simply wisdom.
__Men like Marc give lots of passion and that is good
__Men like godsrabbit give lots of understanding and serenity and that is good.
__the simple fact that there is MaleSurvivor NOMSV is breaking the silence and educating BIG TIME.

At times I am like a bull in a China shop--not good, things get broken that way. At other times I just listen intently. I am probably more a man when I listen than when I am the bull crashing around the place.

Guys, do what you can when you can in the wat that you can and be happy with that. Boys are MUCH safer today than they were 10 or 15 years ago. Part of that is due to the work of the therapists here who speak loud and clearly about the harm CSA does to a boy. Just being a part of MS is continuing to make the world safer for boys, and hopefully for girls as well.

Be proud men--in your own way you have been a part of all this. It is good to see a boy the ages of when I was abused and to feel that he is safer now than I was. But the only thing that makes him safer today is men like you. You do far more than you know, by simply posting here.

Peace and gratitude to you all.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#42324 - 06/20/03 12:50 AM Re: Constructive Anger
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
This is really good!

Risky, but really good!

As I said before my intention was/is to stir up some righteous constructive anger on behalf of ourselves & all male survivors.

A serendipitous side effect is also taking place in which we are practicing & learning in this very thread to properly define & voice our anger--not only at SA & perps, but at each other over perceived slights or misunderstandings.

This is good & important. How can we constructively exercise our anger in confronting perps, going to court, trying to change laws, disclosing our SA, etc, if we can't even do so here with each other over matters of semantics & definitions & applications of anger?

It is important that we be specific in way we practically & constructively adapt & apply our anger in advocacy & action.

At the same time, it is important that in so doing
we not limit ourselves by defining anger and determining how to use it too narrowly.

People tend to define or feel or get angry in different ways from other people. Also in different ways in different phases of life or different situations. Likewise with how we act upon & apply that anger.

So there is a time to be angry, and there is a way to be angry. Much is a matter of timing & of focus--focusing ourselves, and focusing on the matter at hand.

If I'm coming across as an expert on anger, maybe it's becuz I am one... \:o :p \:D

If expert means by trial & error yeah I'm an expert--at trying & erring! \:\)

Glad this thread is causing such a stir. A good stir I'd say. Thanks to all of you.

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#42325 - 06/20/03 01:14 PM Re: Constructive Anger
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
Quote:
Boys are MUCH safer today than they were 10 or 15 years ago. Part of that is due to the work of the therapists here who speak loud and clearly about the harm CSA does to a boy. Just being a part of MS is continuing to make the world safer for boys, and hopefully for girls as well.

Be proud men--in your own way you have been a part of all this. It is good to see a boy the ages of when I was abused and to feel that he is safer now than I was. But the only thing that makes him safer today is men like you. You do far more than you know, by simply posting here.
Bob,

Thanks for the reminder. I lose sight of the forest for the trees sometimes. I'm still new at recovery, and I'm expecting to be done in a day.

And I did come around here reading and checking it out for a long time before I registered and posted. (Now you can't shut me up! \:\) ) So I believe it's very possible that any of us can write something that will make a big difference to someone else who us just reading and learning.

Thanks,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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