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#42303 - 06/18/03 07:59 PM Constructive Anger
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Quote:
There is much to be angry about when it comes to the topic of sexual abuse. My anger has served me well in the past, and I hope it has done
the same for this project. As our society has focused on the various types of abuse, racism, sexism, classism, and sexual abuse, there has been
a need for anger: it gets things done and leads to
important changes. I hope you will find just enough anger to accomplish what you need to.
-from "Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse", by Mic Hunter, pX.

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#42304 - 06/18/03 08:05 PM Re: Constructive Anger
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Victor:

If that is so, and I believe it is, why then does society still persist in perpetuating the lies about SA. I mean what do we have to do to get there gd attention. I am sick to death of hearing that we must have wanted it, we are sick, we deserve what we got or worse keep your mouth shut and don't rock the boat. They just don't want to discuss it. It makes them uncomfortable. What what in hell do they think it does to us; or don't they care.

I think that the only way is if we force feed them. By that I mean that MS rears up like angry wolves and howls so that they can no longer ignore us. Could it be, just maybe, that they are afraid a lot of them will be exposed for what they are.

Sorry. This really rang my bell hard.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#42305 - 06/18/03 09:00 PM Re: Constructive Anger
Marc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 256
Loc: Tucson, AZ
Honestly Mike (And I am sorry to say this.),

I believe it is primarily a case of...

Laziness and uncomfortability about sex in general.

Where is the incentive for the lay person to be involved? "It didn't happen to me!" is the most common 'excuse' for a lack of motivation on most issues that are critical to a healthier society at large. Honestly, look at how difficult the issue of sexual molestation by priests in the Catholic church STILL does not command attention. It does of course by many Catholics finally but this doesn't only affect Catholics. Example: the child who attends a Catholic school though he is himself not Catholic. This is not an issue of the church or of priests. It is an issue of us all. We are forced to examine the fact that we stand by and do NOTHING as this heinous crime continues. It won't stop until we see; in my brother/my sister/myself!

My two cents... Hey buddy can ya spare a qwarta?


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#42306 - 06/18/03 09:10 PM Re: Constructive Anger
godsrabbit Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 98
who is standing by doing nothing?

i find that generalization disturbing...

are we doing nothing?


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#42307 - 06/18/03 09:34 PM Re: Constructive Anger
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
A year ago, when the bishops met in Dallas., Mary Gail Frawley-O'Dea, PhD, gave this address . In it she points out the culpability of folks who never acted on their suspicions, like rectory maintenance workers or parish secretaries.

The reason we applaud the "courageous" individuals who ferret out the worst in our society and drag it into the light is because so many of us will not summon that courage. I don't even have the courage to tell my parents about being raped, never mind going public. Yet. So the folks who have the "sneaky suspicion something's not right" with Fr. X, or Scoutmaster Y, or whoever are just avoiding the pain as I am.

The difference is I am building the strength for the fight. One day I will be healed enough to stand up for the children who have no voice, and I will be man enough to withstand the scrutiny of those who might try to stop me. And I will be angry.

Remember what happened at the end of the Odyssey when "Outis" got back home and reclaimed his bow.

Thanks,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#42308 - 06/18/03 10:00 PM Re: Constructive Anger
Marc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 256
Loc: Tucson, AZ
Sorry godsrabbit,

Didn't mean to offend but disturb? Yes I do mean to do that. We need to collectively YELL!!!!!! This is unacceptable.

I wouldn't say the members of this board are doing nothing but let's face it.

Yelling to ourselves will not get us heard. We need to make it loud and clear AS A SOCIETY... this is unacceptable behavior. Burying our heads in the sand hoping the problem will go away by itself while countless more succumb to this filthy abuse is UNACCEPTABLE!

ENOUGH! Unfortunately, only the strongest of us survivors can wear it on our sleeve EVERY SINGLE DAY in order to get the message heard by your sister, your clergyman, your co-worker, your grocery clerk, your boss. I AM my brothers keeper and I will NOT sit idley by while this continues!

BTW: I love the ID! Very cool choice! \:\)


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#42309 - 06/18/03 10:11 PM Re: Constructive Anger
blacken Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/13/01
Posts: 1213
Loc: Northern Ohio
nope, I dont agree. Its not a casy of being lazy. Oh sure, like anything else, some people just DON'T care. Some ARE lazy. Some don't think it aplies to them.
But for most, its a matter simular to our own. It's simply uncomprehencable. And that makes it scary. We all know, (or are learning) how fear clouds our minds & effect our choises.
For the non-sexually abused, this is beyond their relm of reality. They can't believe (because of the terror it envokes) that this could happen. To most, there has to be a reason, some one or thing to blame. We live in a world here, where things are always explainable. Much of the simple mysteries in life are replaced with cold scientific facts. People, in general, expect our doctors to know everything and have the cure on hand. So, when it comes to sexual abuse, there has to be a definable cause (& cure). And if the cause is not found, or understood, then It must have been our choise. You know the rest.
The world is in denile. We are its voice. In brealing the cycle, we are its concious.
....Blacken....

_________________________
Everyone is a genius! If you were to judge a fish, by its ability to climb a tree,
it would think it was stupid all of it's life.
~Albert Einstein

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#42310 - 06/19/03 01:39 PM Re: Constructive Anger
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Wow!

Well, I wanted to stir up some righteous anger (as no doubt Mic did). Looks like it worked! So far. The key is that this anger be channeled & used constructively to do something about the plight of the male survivor. (On that click my sound link in my signature statement area!)

Quote:
I believe it is primarily a case of...
Laziness and uncomfortability about sex in general.
Quote:
But for most, its a matter simular to our own. It's simply uncomprehencable. And that makes it scary. We all know, (or are learning) how fear clouds our minds & effect our choises.
For the non-sexually abused, this is beyond their relm of reality.
IMHOFWIW, it is both of these things, and more.
People are uncomfortable about sex, and they are scared of it. Especially when it becomes abusive.
\:o
Quote:
Could it be, just maybe, that they are afraid a lot of them will be exposed for what they are.
Yep could be. 'Fraid so. Or they're afraid it could happen to them. Or that it did!

What's important is first that we determine we are going to do something about. Next, we determine what we are going to do. Finally, we with determination DO IT!

No we're not doing nothing, if we're talking about male survivors. But what about the rest of the world, the ones who make & enforce the laws, the ones who we need for medical care & who make decisions about the costs, the family & friends who need to know, and those who are still victims & not yet survivors?

We need to for their sake & ours to speak up &
"act up!" Be the courageous ones who will make a difference. Be our brothers & sisters keeper.

Man I love Joe's determination:

Quote:
The difference is I am building the strength for the fight. One day I will be healed enough to stand up for the children who have no voice, and I will be man enough to withstand the scrutiny of those who might try to stop me. And I will be angry.

"There is a time for anger..."

Of course everyones time for anger, as well as for action, is different, and comes in different stages as well. The point is that we must all do what we can to help one another to survive & to thrive, and to make sure there are no more victims of SA as much as we can.

Quote:
The world is in denile. We are its voice. In brealing the cycle, we are its concious.
Blacken, that is one for the books. In fact I would be honored to use that in my book--unless you've got one of your own planned.

Yes, I am quite serious!

Quote:
Sorry. This really rang my bell hard.
Don't be sorry that was the idea my friend.

Quote:
By that I mean that MS rears up like angry wolves and howls so that they can no longer ignore us.
The squeaky wheels gets the grease, and the howling wolves get justice! AWWWHHOOOOOOYEAH!


Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#42311 - 06/19/03 04:09 PM Re: Constructive Anger
godsrabbit Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 98
Quote:
Originally posted by Marc:
Sorry godsrabbit,

Didn't mean to offend but disturb? Yes I do mean to do that. We need to collectively YELL!!!!!! This is unacceptable.
bless you marc...

i am quite disturbed already thank you...i do not believe for myself that yelling is of much use...

righteous angers tears down to build up...if that is what some need to do, i respect that...i also hope those who do not agree that stirring up hornets do not feel stigmatized by those who wish to....there is enough pressure on all of us...talk or not talk, disclose or not disclose, confront or not confront, yell or not yell....

i think it is important that everyone understands that just because a child is tall does not mean he should be pressured to play basketball if what he really wants is to be a chess champion. just because we are survivors, does not mean we all must be righteous advocates either...i have enough self-esteem problems without feeling like i am not doing enough for other survivors of abuse by keeping my mouth shut...shame can come from all sides...

i am sorry, i am really speaking out of turn and i do not mean to be disruptive. i am very wounded about being made to talk and very disappointed with myself for not being stronger to help others...

but aside from all of that, perhaps it just is not in my nature to "yell"....

heavens, i am rambling...forgive me...i would delete this post, but it does not seem i would be doing myself any service if i refuse to speak up...


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#42312 - 06/19/03 05:49 PM Re: Constructive Anger
Marc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 256
Loc: Tucson, AZ
You post some very important points godsrabbit which is why I chose to declare earlier,

Quote:
...only the strongest of us survivors can wear it on our sleeve EVERY SINGLE DAY in order to get the message heard by your sister, your clergyman, your co-worker, your grocery clerk, your boss.
.

godsrabbit... NEVER feel any shame, embarassment, or weakness regarding your voice. Me railing against the establishment is pretty much one of the things that I was BORN to do! ;\)

That is 'Marc', that is not 'godsrabbit'. There are plenty of other 'Marcs' out there I am sure... This is OUR rally. IMHO, it is society at large who needs to deal with this. NOT survivors. Unfortunately in our 'society' they prefer to bury their heads in the sand so it is left to those of us hurting the most to do what we can. We've been traumatized too much already without having to lay our heads out on the chopping block. However, again that is what 'I' do.

Thanks for speaking your heart and mind. \:\)

Welcome again to the pack! \:\) \:\) \:\)


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