Elissa, I'm sorry you feel this way, but I also believe that this is exactly why this board is specific about being for male survivors and their supporters only. You feel misunderstood and judged by men. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but I think you have just experienced a small piece of what men experience in almost every place they turn to for help. We are judged every day - most rape resources consider men to be perpetrators by default. If you can convince them that you are a victim, not a perp, you are treated like a freak of nature - "look ladies, a MALE victim! Wow!". If we identify as straight, we are told to accept ourselves and come out of the closet. Cause CSA makes you gay, right? We are warned not to have children, because we will abuse them. There have been stories on here about men being forced to attend perpetrator support groups before they are allowed into the victim support groups. Imagine doing that to a woman who had been raped!

And when we fight against the stigmas, it a rare to get a better response than sympathetic "I'm sorry, it's unfair, but you have to accept these facts".

There is a reason why male victims keep quiet - we are not welcome anywhere. I don't personally have a problem with the idea that a female could come on here, as long as she respects the rules and not post in the "male survivors only" forums, as you indicated that you would. I can, however, understand that many men will feel that a female survivor posting here will dilute one of very few places where men are safe, and that if it becomes something that is generally accepted, this will turn into yet another place where men will have to fight for recognition among a choir of angry, female voices.

I am sorry Elissa ...

I did not mean to offend ... sincerely,
and I most certainly did not mean to make you feel bad.

Judgement is not the issue here and I regret that you feel
it is.

I can only speak of my own experience here ...
and it is that many guys are very uncomfortable having other people present in the restricted
'male survivors section' of this site ...
especially 'chat' ...
and I have seen men get downright nasty about it.

That is something I do not like at all ...
and I doubt that you would either.

You speak of understanding ...

I hope you consider the feelings of the men who come here
to be with 'there own' ...
their own community.

It's not rejection of others ...
It's simply an effort to learn to accept ourselves
for who we are ...
not what we are.


It's just a safe place for us to be ...