I am bill. I, too, was abused starting at age 4 and continuing through age 17. Thought it was all behind me, but it has come roaring back. At approximately - approx. because I can't recall the date, even though I could easily find out, I choose not too- the age of 50, it happened again. The details are irrelevant I suppose, but this single act of violence upon me has temporarily destroyed me. Rape. I am in total disbelief. Also in intensive therapy. I just wanted to say hi. And I want to hear from someone who may have been hurt in middle age, as I was. Angels.

Bill,

Hi!

Welcome to Male Survivor: I am sorry you had to find this place, but am hopeful that you DID find this resource to help you heal.

This is a special community-the forums in particular offer a wealth of experience, perspectives, and journeys of men who have suffered in many of the same ways.

Learn to be good to yourself, to take care of yourself, and keep showing up and sharing-THOSE are things which will make a difference.

Peace,

Jamie

Welcome Billray!

I'm sorry for the pain you've been through. We all have our stories and what's amazing is that while the stories differ, the feelings, experiences, and behavior resulting is very similar among us.

I hope you find the healing you seek here and in your therapy. Keep up the good work.

Jude

Thank you so much. Just reading your words of understanding and kindness bring me to tears. I know I will be quite all right, but my word, assault is such an ugly intrusion onto the spirit. ...and I will read the document. Angels.

Bill

I am sorry to hear that you were once again violated. The act is horrific. Any violent act can be a catalyst to start us down a terrible path. I was raped as a child and as an adult--in my late 40's/early 50's- experienced being violated--from being spat on, locked in a room with no escape and it made me feel like the child in the cellar and set me off. To this day I can still feel the spit running down my face, seeing them laughing at me, tying the door shut and it takes me back to the time as a child, a time I longed to forget. It raised the memories I so longed buried.

I am sorry for you to have to experience rape at this time of your life--it has to be devastating because it must raise so many memories and to feel so violated by an act so reminiscent of what happened to you as a child . I am glad you are in therapy and I wish you well. Stay here-people listen--share what you are comfortable, read about others. Please stay well.

...and thank you, KMC for understanding. And I, too, am sorry for your experience. The whole ordeal for me has set off a landslide, if you will, of secondary issues. From self-destructive behaviors to massive migraines to lock jaw syndrome and on and on. I know we will be okay in the end, but finding this site seems to lighten the load already. It truly has been horrific... and how it has stolen so much that I want back. Just so much.