Newest Members
Stormchaser, johnnyc717, bluebook, Roscoe, SJC
12314 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
blueturtle (46), David C (40), DavidC (40), Derdlecar (61), Hector (54)
Who's Online
3 registered (3 invisible), 16 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12314 Members
74 Forums
63360 Topics
443055 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 4 of 4 < 1 2 3 4
Topic Options
#422981 - 01/22/13 10:25 PM Re: I wish I was sexually abused [Re: DarkHadou]
cosmos Offline


Registered: 11/12/12
Posts: 181
Loc: Puget Sound
Gentlemen please remember that everyone here has their own issues to deal with a lot of times they overlap, sometimes they don’t, sometimes they might even offend without trying to be offensive. The original poster while I agree with C. Gecko that he seems a troll if you look at his posts really center on his conflicted sexuality:

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=userposts&view=started&id=8937.

We are supposed to be there for each other, not turn the pain of another member into something that it was never meant to be. For those lucky few here to be 100% certain of their sexual identity I applaud you, I wish I could have the same type of certainty, most of us here struggle with it, right? I personally found the title very offensive and the content as well but we all need to understand and remember that a member was bearing his soul to us as we all have done, if you find it offensive or you have nothing of value to add then don’t reply, but please don’t hijack the thread and turn it into a crusade. We all need open and honest dialog to heal, to be able to let go of the pain, maybe the poster is really struggling with his sexual identity, maybe he knows he's gay but just can’t accept it. We all know the pressure to deny and repress what happened to each of us, but how many of us have struggled for years against our true nature (homosexual) just because society does not accept anything but a man being with a women, it’s a very powerful programming and for those older members it must really have been very difficult to accept that you weren’t attracted to the opposite sex in the 70’s or 60’s, or the real dark ages of the MacCarthist 50’s.

The bottom line is we have a member who like everyone here has memories of things that have changed all our lives in horrific ways, we know what it’s like to be at the mercy of someone who’s only concern is themselves, we were just their “fix”, we need to be there for each other, not tear each other down no matter how offensive or revolting a given topic is. We need to be as adult here as possible not squabble like school children with nothing better to do then turn the innermost feelings of a member into some form of flame-war. Please we all need to be rational and civil here, useless ad-hominem attacks add nothing and are both harmful to the poster (bad karma) and can hurt the responder (more bad karma), let alone add nothing to the repository of the MS board archives.

Cee

For those that forget Matthew Sheppard or forget the suffering still going on, even in Brooklyn:
http://www.democracynow.org/2013/1/22/headlines#1226

Let alone dealing with the eff’d up church and the largest group of perps on the planet.

Gentlemen I’m tired of seeing the “trainwrecks”, people die in them, right?
_________________________
"it has never yet been discovered how to make man unknow his knowledge, or unthink his thoughts"

T. Paine

Top
#422982 - 01/22/13 10:28 PM Re: I wish I was sexually abused [Re: DarkHadou]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
removed per user


Edited by ModTeam (05/02/13 01:42 PM)

Top
#422984 - 01/22/13 10:44 PM Re: I wish I was sexually abused [Re: cosmos]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
removed per user


Edited by ModTeam (05/02/13 01:41 PM)

Top
#422988 - 01/22/13 11:05 PM Re: I wish I was sexually abused [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1305
Quote:
Originally Posted By: cosmos
We need to be as adult here as possible not squabble like school children with nothing better to do then turn the innermost feelings of a member into some form of flame-war. Please we all need to be rational and civil here, useless ad-hominem attacks add nothing and are both harmful to the poster (bad karma) and can hurt the responder (more bad karma), let alone add nothing to the repository of the MS board archives.

Originally Posted By: Gary
I think that's a mischaracterization of what is happening here. So far I have seen no ad-hominem attacks, or flame war, or squabble like school children. That may be how some people view it, but maybe what some people see as a flame war might be a spirited but respectful disagreement on homophobia at Male Survivor. This isn't the first time this has come up. Maybe one or two of us will say something, if that, and then it goes away. I'm tired of it.

With all respect to cosmos, I fully agree with Gary. I really don't see any "immature squabbling" or "useless ad-hominem attacks" - I think the arguments on all sides are reasonable and this is a discussion worth having. The argument is passionate and may seem messy, but I think if you read closely you will find few if any truly personal attacks. Always one to check myself, I have just reread all of my posts in this thread and can assure you I have only responded to what has been posted, believe I have been reasoned in my approach, and complied with the tenets of the posting guidelines. If you disagree or think I am out of line, please let me know specifically.
_________________________



Click my pic to see why I'm here

Top
#422991 - 01/23/13 12:39 AM Re: I wish I was sexually abused [Re: DarkHadou]
cosmos Offline


Registered: 11/12/12
Posts: 181
Loc: Puget Sound
Gary, Eric I agree that the remarks are offensive but is the poster knowingly, purposely trying to be offensive and homophobic or just trying to deal with abuse. While offensive and divisive it is not in and of itself homophobic. When comments are made that are not germane to the post, but hijack it and bring up homophobia it becomes about homophobia and not the original issue at hand. Not being mindful of the original intent of the post and entering your own prejudices into the discussion is a de-facto ad-hominem attack on the original poster by minimizing and usurping the original issue, homophobic or not. DH has some dark things to deal with, our discussion about homophobia may or may not help, but it’s definitely a hijack. Just as I’m outraged by DH’s posts my heart goes out to him and hope he figures this out for himself, it sounds like he’s in a lot of pain and denial.

Originally Posted By: Smalltown80sBoy
I've read through the guidelines and find no guideline for homophobic content. There should be. The fact that there is not collective outrage over this thread proves there should be some moderation on this issue.

I'm going to take a step back and alert a mod about this thread. Until clear guidelines are set for homophobic content, I will no longer be posting in the forums.


Sorry Gary I cannot disagree more it’s the reason that I responded, asking for “adult supervision” when there is no need for one is just senseless micro-management and potential censorship; sorry it just seems very childish to report this thread. Your opinion and voice have great value here, it would be a great loss to MS if you stopped posting.

See my point is that everyone is a member of some disadvantaged group; everyone likes to think they’re a member of some group that requires special this or that, its human nature. Just here on the net on MS we need to be more forgiving of other people’s foibles, and no so quick to take offense. We need to agree that we disagree.

Cee

Mods please move this thread to alt.politics.

tia
_________________________
"it has never yet been discovered how to make man unknow his knowledge, or unthink his thoughts"

T. Paine

Top
#422999 - 01/23/13 07:53 AM Re: I wish I was sexually abused [Re: DarkHadou]
LazyPirate Offline


Registered: 01/03/13
Posts: 106
Loc: Ontario
Cosmos = spot on. (with all due respect to everyone else's opinions)
_________________________
The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression. - Gary Larson

Top
#423052 - 01/23/13 09:19 PM Re: I wish I was sexually abused [Re: DarkHadou]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
removed per user


Edited by ModTeam (05/02/13 01:41 PM)

Top
#423061 - 01/23/13 10:37 PM Re: I wish I was sexually abused [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1305
ho·mo·pho·bia noun
Definition of HOMOPHOBIA
: irrational fear of, aversion to, or discrimination against homosexuality or homosexuals

Originally Posted By: DarkHadou
I wish I was molested by an older female sibling or cousin or mother ... I'm just saying that if I had a choice my abuser will NOT be a male...but of being molested or abused by a female, an older sister.

I don't care if the negative effects would of been the same. It's the fact that I HAD sex with males, that bothers me. It disgusts me. I care. Looks like a lot of here don't. " I don't care if I was abused by a male or female. " Well, I DO. If I had to choose it would be a female automatically.

Seems pretty clear to me that this statement meets the unimpassioned, unconnotative Meriam Webster definition of homophobia. What am I missing here?

Originally Posted By: cosmos
While offensive and divisive it is not in and of itself homophobic. When comments are made that are not germane to the post, but hijack it and bring up homophobia it becomes about homophobia and not the original issue at hand. Not being mindful of the original intent of the post and entering your own prejudices into the discussion is a de-facto ad-hominem attack on the original poster by minimizing and usurping the original issue, homophobic or not.

OK, so let me get this straight. By me calling it what it is, and you calling what I have called it what it isn't, does that not now make the original post (having once been what it was but now is what it isn't) something it is not?

And ad hominem? May I suggest you reread every post I wrote but with comprehension? I never have addressed anything but the issues raised. I never got personal with anything I have said here. In fact one could argue that you are hijacking this topic, assuming a moderator's role, and making it about Gary and me.
_________________________



Click my pic to see why I'm here

Top
#423140 - 01/24/13 07:18 PM Re: I wish I was sexually abused [Re: DarkHadou]
Casmir213 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/09
Posts: 845
Loc: Northeast, USA
.


Edited by Casmir213 (01/24/13 07:18 PM)
_________________________
I see recovery as a lifelong journey rather than a final destination, a journey, though, which can have many successes along the way.

WoR Alumnus - Hope Springs, OH, October 2009

My avatar is the farmhouse at the Hope Spring, OH WoR. It's a nice place.

Top
#423558 - 01/29/13 10:20 AM Re: I wish I was sexually abused [Re: DarkHadou]
ModTeam Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/06
Posts: 691
It appears this topic has reached the end of it's course. Using the discussion board to explore situations, thoughts and emotions is beneficial and healthy, until such time that the discussion becomes contrary to the goals and purposes of MaleSurvivor. This topic has been discussed and for the purposes of recovery has been thoroughly answered. Site management continually strives to provide an environment safe for the purpose of pursuing one’s recovery from the effects of past sexual abuse. Please do not attempt to repost this topic, as doing so may be cause for further action by site management.

Your cooperation on this matter is appreciated.

Regards

The Moderators
_________________________
Private messages sent to this account are checked irregularly due to personnel and time constraints. Please send messages to one of the moderators for the forum that is concerned by user name, or if there is no named moderator, send a PM to any moderator.

Top
Page 4 of 4 < 1 2 3 4


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.