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neutral is NOT taking sides!
i can see BOTH points of view.

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I haven't read through the whole thread and thus I don't know if the comments were homophobic or not. In fact, I've avoided this thread until now because I was sure it was a troll. But people keep replying so it must be for real. The fact is, I find the title of this thread seriously distasteful. "I wish I was sexually abused" really? WTF? Is that the only title you could come up with? On a site full of people who live in hell every day because WERE sexually abused?

I don't think there is much for the Mods to do here, frankly. It is a guy expressing his opinions about what happened to him. Homophobic? Maybe. Misguided? Maybe. Poor choice of words? Yep. The fact that others are defending him, or at least calling for cooler heads is NOT against any rules, I'm sure. I am not homophobic & I don't think I (or anyone else) should be called that on here. We are all brothers because of this hell & need one another's support. CE & ST80B, because of the words you've posted I know you guys understand this as well as anybody. I wish for peace here.

I see a disturbing irony in that sentiment. In fact, I would argue that neutral IS taking sides. Neutral? It is simply a decision not to decide. It is a decision not to act. It is a decision not to step in and help. In some cases, it is a decision not to think. Neutral is at best a hollow placation of both sides of an issue without investing in the passion of stronger conscience.

History is full of neutral people. They are called appeasers. From the British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain who appeased Hitler just to keep things peaceful ("Peace in our time") all the way down to those undeciders who allowed molestation to fester under their noses. In the Catholic Church. In the Boy Scouts. At Penn State. So many of us are here in this forum precisely because those who should have stepped in stayed neutral. I was molested under the eyes of those who simply would not see. Frankly, I don't see much difference here in this thread. And I find it hard to reconcile how some survivors here - many whose abuse smoldered and festered under the unwatchful gaze of those who should have taken a stand - can stomach for an instant the implications of what DH has said.

You want neutral? Two names. Tim Curley. Gary Schultz. Two men who decided to keep things neutral. If you don't know them, Google them.

As a sober survivor, I am reminded that a drug is a drug is a drug...(and trauma is trauma). Each with its own set of problems.

In my own personal case, I am faced with this nature / nurture paradox. No matter how you slice it...there is a short circuiting of normal sexual development. For me this is not so much about orientation but the confusion it caused. I was robbed, of voluntary curious experimentation...(not to mention I also have trust issues).

I eroticized the abuse...for me this was a learned survival tool. I also got deep into borrowing skin mags, (unbeknownst to my father), that had anything to do with female domination...(which I have come to believe is another survival technique, (form of distraction)...just like fantasizing).

Perhaps, we have an original poor choice of words, at the same time I believe there is merit about discussing the underlying issues in a civil manner.

In the end, wishful thinking reminds of another coping technique. These coping techniques though they serve to get us from point "a" to point "b" don't seem really useful in the long run. It reminds me of a post many moons ago where I was advised to get in touch with and become one with the pain.

this is entirely opposite of trying to avoid your triggers, rather I believe you are embracing them as a way to desensitize and take away there power...(that day actually really sucked....but I am still glad I did it).

We can focus on motor and we can focus on the battery. but if we don't deal with the soul sickness or lack of spiritual energy that is required to heal us...we are really going nowhere in a hurry.


The World I Know (Collective Soul)

island

Eric - i don't deserve this anger.
send it where it belongs - outside of MS!

OK, here's what i mean by neutral:

i was abused by males and then called a queer for being the passive victim. at various times in my life - years at a stretch - not just fleeting feelings - i have identified with macho heterosexuals who are considered normal by society - and at other times with gays who are considered abnormal by the prejudiced majority. i have felt and thought nearly every single thing that each of the posts above describe. like i said - i can see (AND FEEL - since i have been there) both points of view. i understand the issues.

what i am saying - is - everyone, please be kind and understanding with one another. i am not the enemy. the original poster is not the enemy. no one is attacking any one individual's personhood or value. we survivors - of all people - should know that recovery is a process. the things written here are not the bottom line. we all need to have the freedom to work through our battles with whichever particular demons we have to fight. trying to self-censor and conform to someone else's sensitivities would be more reasonable if he were responding to your thread - not the other way around. this is a major hijack! he's got enough to try to handle right now - it's not helpful to pile on more guilt for having triggered or hurt you. this thread is not the place for a societal reformation. it is one survivor dealing with his painful past - as we are all trying to do.

Lee

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Hey Lee -

Please do not construe my reaction to what you said with an attack on you. I appreciate what you bring here and consider you a friend. I agree with much of what you write here. But I disagree with the idea of neutrality and still stand by what I said (well of course I do - because I'm not neutral ). We should be able to do that and be cool with each other. I made my point - but I could have added a note of "due respect" and for that I apologize. But that said, did you ever notice that the Quote box reads "a good friend"?

And I also think (with all due respect) - re: your point above - that what I say DOES belong right here at MS - not outside of it. We are ALL triggerable. This site cannot exist with any meaning if it doesn't trigger. Written jousting that triggers is how I heal - I'm not afraid to test my thoughts against popular currents and I'm ready to be proven wrong if need be. It's not important that I be right. It's only important that I learn where right is - it may well be on the other side of the argument I am on. But I'll never learn that unless I take a stand.

It is worth saying that I carefully review and edit each sentence to avoid personal attacks. Please look carefully and review what I have written. I do not even attack DH - I address only the words he puts out here. Reread what I have written and I think you will see that is true. If it is not, take me to task for it. I really try to be very careful about that. But the words we publish should be fair game to discuss - to argue if need be. That should be what we are about. Healing isn't always a peaceful process. Stagnation is.

This is a tremendously important discussion. Because I argue vigorously a given point does not mean I do not see or understand the arguments on the other side of the issue. In fact, that is how I see them. I understand the strange and even embarrassing places that CSA takes us - and that those places can be different for each person. I respect anyone - even DH - for putting himself out here and showing his thoughts, being vulnerable. I don't think he does it to be given a pass. I certainly don't. I'm here to do the work.