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#422363 - 01/17/13 10:16 AM Not sure if this counts
WFD Offline


Registered: 01/17/13
Posts: 2

Greetings.

I'm a 33 year old man whose been in therapy for 2 years now(due to alcoholism and depression and social anxiety) and last week I told my therapist(via email) about the first time I had a sexual experience as a child. I was about 3 or 4 years old and this was the first time I've told her about it.

I've had this experience in my head for as long as I can remember but I've never made a big deal of it. The thing is, I'm not sure if my experience(s)counts as sexual abuse or not compared with some of the horrible stories one read about in the news, so I'm a bit wary of making a big deal out of it. But it has affected my love life, as in I've never had a GF and I've never had sex even though I had the chance when I was younger. I've simply not dared to do anything to anyone.

Without going into detail, I was 3-4 ish(I know this because we moved to another town when I was 5) and it involved an older friend of mine. My dad had passed away and I didn't have access to any male family members so I always went after older boys on the lookout for a father figure. I'm not sure how old he was, but I remember enough to know that he had hit puberty. Its kind of hard explaining without more details but I've been goggling all day on the subject and found this forum.

I had a therapy session today(I go once a week) and there were more crying than normal. My therapist was very careful, and didn't ask me any direct questions regarding the email I sent her. But, I found breathing to be more difficult and I really had to pull myself together.

Sooooo, hello to everyone I guess. It will be interesting to learn about your experiences and how you deal with things.

kind regards
WFD
_________________________
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing, Doubting.

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#422379 - 01/17/13 01:03 PM Re: Not sure if this counts [Re: WFD]
Anomalous Offline
Greeter Coordinator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 1353
Hi WFD,

Welcome to MS.

I am glad you have found this place of healing and support.

You have taken three very big steps toward healing - you told your therapist, you came here, and you told us. I hope you can appreciate the courage it took to do these things and commend yourself for being so brave.

There are several books you might find useful.

Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse by Mic Hunter

Victims No Longer by Mike Lew

I am certain others will share titles they have found useful. You can find these titles, and others here at the bookstore.

Take your time and look around. You do not want to trigger yourself by reading too many posts at one time.

At your own pace, read the boards and wander into chat. The lounge (chat) is open 24 hours a day though it isn't always populated.

We also have moderated chats called Healing Circles. They meet on Sunday and Wednesday evenings at 9pm eastern time and one on Tuesday at 19:00 UTC (European and African time zone) which translates to 2 PM Eastern US time zone. The Healing Circle on Tuesdays is on hiatus.

Again, welcome to MS.




Anomalous
_________________________
Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.

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#422391 - 01/17/13 02:30 PM Re: Not sure if this counts [Re: WFD]
WFD Offline


Registered: 01/17/13
Posts: 2
Thank you for the book recommendations,Anomalous. I've never even thought about that type of books but it makes perfect sense. I'm going to lurk on the forums for a while and perhaps learn more about myself through others.

Thanks for the warm welcome.

Kind Regards
WFD
_________________________
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing, Doubting.

Top
#422422 - 01/17/13 06:23 PM Re: Not sure if this counts [Re: WFD]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3488
Loc: somewhere in Africa
WFD - welcome.

this place can be a place of great comfort or of extreme terror. so - as Anomalous says, don't read too much at once. browse around and see what is here - sample some stuff and find out what fits with your situation and needs. the first time i registered i got so triggered i didn't return for years. now i've been back since a year ago Nov. and it has been one of the greatest helps in my recovery. feel free to just read or to contribute at your own pace. don't be afraid to ask anythng. we are here for you.

Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#422441 - 01/17/13 07:54 PM Re: Not sure if this counts [Re: WFD]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3488
Loc: somewhere in Africa
WFD - i just realized that i didn't answer the question implied in your post title - DID this count as child sexual abuse? i think you probably suspect the answer - and that is why you are here. look at some of what you wrote:
Originally Posted By: WFD
... last week I told my therapist(via email) about the first time I had a sexual experience as a child. I was about 3 or 4 years old ... I've had this experience in my head for as long as I can remember ... I'm not sure if my experience(s)counts as sexual abuse or not ... But it has affected my love life, as in I've never had a GF and I've never had sex even though I had the chance when I was younger. I've simply not dared to do anything to anyone. ... it involved an older friend of mine. My dad had passed away and I didn't have access to any male family members so I always went after older boys on the lookout for a father figure. I'm not sure how old he was, but I remember enough to know that he had hit puberty. ... I had a therapy session today(I go once a week) and there were more crying than normal.


i think almost anyone reading this would agree - this DOES count.
but only YOU can confirm it or not.
i know that this realization can be both devastating - and a huge relief - to have the truth out in the open.
i remember being in that "place."
the downside is seeing yourself in that light and having to make all those mental and emotional adjustments. it is very hard and painful.
BUT the upside is - that is exactly where healing starts. it is great that you are already seeing a therapist. and we are here to help...

best wishes for your healing journey.
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#422444 - 01/17/13 08:01 PM Re: Not sure if this counts [Re: WFD]
femalethriver Offline


Registered: 01/14/13
Posts: 14
Loc: Columbus, Ohio
WFD, I'm new too, a female CSA. i found your post so courageous and inspiring. I agree with the others about reading too much. "Triggers" can come when you least expect them and can set you back. You have a great therapist for being so gentle with what you shared in email.

Reading what you shared reminded me (triggered) how I felt when I first began acknowledging my abuse. I too thought it wasn't abuse or at least wasn't "so bad" compared to others because my perpetrator and i loved each other.

Some of the most rewarding days of my life were my years in therapy regaining the childhood that was stolen from me. I will keep you in my thoughts as you begin your journey.
Hallie

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#422445 - 01/17/13 08:08 PM Re: Not sure if this counts [Re: WFD]
femalethriver Offline


Registered: 01/14/13
Posts: 14
Loc: Columbus, Ohio
And to Lee and WFD, I was thinking similarly about the alcoholism, depression, social anxiety ... All things that got me in the door to therapy. All things that can be a result to adults who as children who experienced sexual trauma.

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#422504 - 01/18/13 09:50 AM Re: Not sure if this counts [Re: WFD]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6571
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
Quote:
Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse by Mic Hunter

Victims No Longer by Mike Lew


Yeah...I'd get a hold of these like right now! The VNL book has a special way of digging in the dirt, looking for anything there. You may be shaken, but I truly hope not.
_________________________
You are using 118 of the 300 allowed characters.

Still Not Recognized


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#422826 - 01/21/13 02:28 PM Re: Not sure if this counts [Re: WFD]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1584
Loc: New England
Dear WFD,

Welcome to MS.

That being said, you are not alone in your struggles with alcoholism and other addictions. The experience of childhood sex abuse distorts our normal development, and that shows itself in all sorts of ways.

Recovery starts with breaking the silence about what happened. You've already taken that step. And you've found a therapist to help you work through the issues you describe. You are ahead of where many of us were when we arrived at MS. You may find other issues to deal with in the process. In the meantime, read the posts here, and write some of your own when you feel able to. MS has been a huge help to me in recovery, and I hope you find what you need here. Good luck.

Jude
_________________________
Can't be bothered with sorrow
And I can't be bothered with hate, no, no
I'm using up the time but feeling fine every day
That's why I'm telling you
I just want to celebrate another day of livin'
Rare Earth

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