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#422628 - 01/19/13 11:08 AM I wish I was sexually abused
DarkHadou Offline


Registered: 10/13/10
Posts: 117
by an older female sibling or cousin or mother, I hate the FACT I was sexually abused by males, it makes me question my sexuality, I had sex with males, that thought itself is not only disturbing but I just get frustrated just by thinking about it, if I think about it as much and as deep as I want to I will end up punching the wall or putting holes on the wall and being pissed off the whole week then I will calm down and then next time I think about it I will get pissed off again, I'm just saying that if I had a choice my abuser will NOT be a male, now the way I think about the abuse is different than it was years ago, I have incest fantasies, just fantasies and put myself in that situation but of being molested or abused by a female, an older sister

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#422631 - 01/19/13 11:45 AM Re: I wish I was sexually abused [Re: DarkHadou]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 643
Loc: michigan
hey bud
I understand your frustration,I can tell you that it is no improvement to be molested by a female perp. my first times of being molested were females and all it served to do is cause a TON of confusion. I didn't like it and as time went on I came to understand that I was supposed to somehow. I didn't like the attention from the girls after that and it never really got any better they scared me then and still do. when I was attacked my guys It was more like just another bully attacking me hurting me or what ever... like "that's just life" the sexual confusion and the pain are still there no matter who our abusers are... it still sucks.


Edited by newground (01/19/13 11:46 AM)
_________________________
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"
Herman Melville

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#422632 - 01/19/13 12:15 PM Re: I wish I was sexually abused [Re: DarkHadou]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1426
all abuse by a male or female causes problems--they may differ but trust, attitude toward sex, confusion, self loathing seem cross no matter who the perp is--male or female. Abuse by male to male leaves victims questioning who they are, their sexuality--did I provoke or enjoy, trying to cope by acting out the abuse as a means to control what happen without emotion or satisfaction--the control will always elude. Be easy on yourself--get some help and try to understand your acting out does not define you or your sexuality. It is a way for you to cope and a false attempt to bring closure to the abuse. You need to to talk to a therapist and try to reconcile your feelings--part of you despises the abuser and sadly the part that he may have groomed-the child-feels love or a special feeling toward the abuser. You cannot control the abuse by acting out--you need to resolve the inner conflict--I can tell you it is a bi**h--I have that feeling that part of me holds of being special to the abuser.

It takes time, be gentle to yourself and remember any sexual abuse can mess a child's life.

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#422635 - 01/19/13 12:53 PM Re: I wish I was sexually abused [Re: DarkHadou]
LazyPirate Offline


Registered: 01/03/13
Posts: 106
Loc: Ontario
Ya, due to the CSA by a male I've spent most of my life being afraid to be close to other males. I have issue with be attended to by male doctors, etc. As a side effect I've only been able to feel comfortable with women. I'm working on that tho... My current Chiropractor is a guy & he's great! For years I wished that I had been abused by a woman, but now I don't think that matters.
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#422641 - 01/19/13 02:36 PM Re: I wish I was sexually abused [Re: DarkHadou]
Candu Offline


Registered: 06/30/12
Posts: 312
Loc: Canada
The grass is always greener ...

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#422655 - 01/19/13 07:04 PM Re: I wish I was sexually abused [Re: DarkHadou]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 915
Loc: New York
If I'd been abused by a female, I probably would have been spared the brutally violent pain, memories of which are severely challenging me now. However.... it was that brutality that led my mind to bury and avalanche and irradiate the memories and sow salt in the earth so that all I was left with were sterile stills from a silent movie, emotionless, signifying nothing. Which allowed me to have a childhood that all in all I'd judge as happy and normal.

For lack of that physical trauma, I likely would have had to deal with abuse from a female in mental realtime. And who knows what that would have done to my ability to build the life I had until the Doomsday Door got blasted open just a few months ago?

Though I'm sure it's not that black and white. You can't assume any human normality from any of this breed. A female sick enough to do this at all could quite likely think up tools of pain and terror all her own. In the morning, in the evening, ain't we got fun.
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#422663 - 01/19/13 08:33 PM Re: I wish I was sexually abused [Re: DarkHadou]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
removed per user


Edited by ModTeam (05/02/13 01:45 PM)

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#422664 - 01/19/13 08:40 PM Re: I wish I was sexually abused [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
DarkHadou Offline


Registered: 10/13/10
Posts: 117
Originally Posted By: Smalltown80sBoy
Males who were abused by females have it difficult as well.

Look at Debra Lafave's victim:

http://www2.tbo.com/news/breaking-news/2011/sep/22/7/debra-lafave-no-longer-on-probation-ar-259770/

Also watch the video. The clip of the sister's testimony is brief but heartbreaking (starting around the 1:25 mark).

I can't say what would be different because my sex perps were all males. But I was physically abused by my mom and brother and both were equally harmful. And I have read many stories of men who were sexually abused by females and from my understanding it's not like the Mrs. Robinson or Private Lessons type of initiation that is portrayed in films.


I don't care if the negative effects would of been the same. It's the fact that I HAD sex with males, that bothers me. It disgusts me. I care. Looks like a lot of here don't. " I don't care if I was abused by a male or female. " Well, I DO. If I had to choose it would be a female automatically.

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#422665 - 01/19/13 08:44 PM Re: I wish I was sexually abused [Re: DarkHadou]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1200
Quote:
I'm just saying that if I had a choice my abuser will NOT be a male

Well I don't even know how to answer this except to say that if you had a choice, it wouldn't BE abuse.

?
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#422693 - 01/20/13 03:36 AM Re: I wish I was sexually abused [Re: DarkHadou]
traveler Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3193
Loc: back in the USA
while you are wishing - why not wish that you WERE NOT abused? it makes just as much difference in the long run = 0.
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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