After a few conversations with my therapist, he's trying to get me to acknowledge that I have complex trauma issues due to multiple forms of abuse (neglect, bullying, and CSA) which has made life very difficult to grow up into. He said that the lack of support that I had growing up and culminated in my displaying "similarities" to qualities of aspergers, but has repeated himself over and over saying that he did not diagnose me as having aspergers.

It is difficult for me to not make the worst assumption, because I've had a grandmother, an aunt, acknowledge that they thought something was not quite right with me, alongside the fact that most of my family treated me like I was some unusual creature, and then the childhood schoolyard bullying.

All my life I have wondered if I had some form of autism because of how intensely difficult it has been to form relationships of any kind.

So I have a question for all of you trauma / csa survivors - did you ever question yourself? Did you ever wonder if you might be autistic or have some mild form of social retardation? If so, did you ever recover?

Hey Magellan, good to see you buddy
I must say that I'm not sure about questioning self about autism.
But I'm more than sure that many of us survivors are unconsciously willing to believe in the worst possible self image.
So if such very negative self image implies autism survivor would believe in it no matter how all evidences could say differently, it is not rational thinking and it is fueled by negativity.
It is like reversed negative picture of abusive people from outside that has groomed with time in survivor's heart...

Magellan

While I have not been diagnosed as such I have been told on more than one occation that I have an aspergers type personality.

And yes I have always thought there was something 'wrong' with me in the way I interact with others - particularly growing up. Having said that I do have quite a few good/true friends and have had romantic relationships. It was kind of like I had to 'learn' how to 'act' like other people by observing what was 'normal'.

Having said that my 10 year old daughter who is just like me in looks and personality HAS been officially diagnosed with Aspergers (along with Anxiety Disorder, Dyslexia and OCD - even though I think she is just extremely bright and a little eccentric). She has suffered bullying at school but not CSA or neglect (as far as I know). So that would lead me to believe that it is just an inherited personality trait. (I bet you didn't want to hear that).

SO to answer your questions - Yes, Yes and Yes.

Lee

I've lived my whole life thinking there was something wrong with me & being treated, by many, like there was something wrong with me. I have an awful time relating to others & forming relationships. So, you are not alone... In my case I think the CSA led to many many mental issues that manifest in both the mental & physical. My thoughts are with you.