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#420149 - 12/26/12 11:09 AM I told them
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6542
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
They all already know about the sexual abuse that "went-on" for seven long years. Same for the physical terror.

Ever since I disclosed about the SA and announced "I fully remember the PA" I have been shunned by my dwindling family.

This past Christmass Eve, I told my father that I'm aware of the isolation and do not appreciate it, and that its wearing my heart and soul down. They seem to be striving to rid themselves of a relationship that could have continued to be something other than all pain, all the time.

Is that an achievement? No. Its just sad.
_________________________
Stop expecting people to be other than what they are! You'll be so much better-off. [Christopher, age 10]

The Aftermath Video

My Absolute Hero!

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#420154 - 12/26/12 11:26 AM Re: I told them [Re: Still]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5945
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
They are who they are Still, you are... extraordinary. You have taken the worst of humanity's actions and you are Still. We do not disclose for them, we do no heal for them, we are not making this effort for them, not by a long shot. We are doing this for us. You have a right to be selfish, to feel the hatred and rage of a thousand wrongs committed against a child too strong to quit, and to early in the awareness of mankind to be rescued from that horror.

Go ahead fellow survivor, feel that rage burn inside you. Disclose, confront and create strong walls of personal boundaries. Find your safe place. Mine was hundreds of miles from the family that hurt me. The constant reminder of their lies drove me away. Good riddance to that rubbish.

You disclosed. To you, to us and a select few, that is a decades long struggle that you have now summited. There is nothing more they can do for you, nothing more to disclose, it is done. They know what they are willing to take in, time for Still to move on. A new summit, a new peak, a new challenge. Or rest. It is time to rescue Still. Take him from them, find your peace on a horizon far from them, care for your hurt self in solace, in solitude from their lies. Heal separate from them.

Have you considered that you are afflicted with constant geographical and visual triggers? Were you living in a different place, maybe 30 miles away, would that change your perspective? Have you considered getting away for a couple of weeks? No, you probably cannot afford it.

What if you could?
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MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#420157 - 12/26/12 12:04 PM Re: I told them [Re: Still]
northernflicker Offline


Registered: 08/19/12
Posts: 88
I'm sorry for your pain Still. You are strong. Your strength brought you to raise what you did with your family. They are weak, and that is very sad. The strength or weakness of others is something we can inspire but we cannot change.

I think as adults we can choose who we define as our family, and you have family here. Survivors and family and friends alike on this board choose each other.

Sam, what you said is true and beautiful. We all learn so much here.

Still, I wish you well.

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#420198 - 12/26/12 10:30 PM Re: I told them [Re: Still]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6542
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
They brought my father to the ER today. He's had lingering pneumonia for 6 weeks. The strain of moving-house and all wore him down greatly. So, this morning - ER.

I went there, not as the "dutiful trained dog," but by choice. Its the right thing to do. Its what decent folks do for one another. I cannot perpetuate hate, mal-treatment, etc. To perpetuate a wrong is to commit a wrong.

I just have never been able to keep such balance sheets...such accounting details. It would be dreadful if evil doubles or triples with every iteration of a wrong. I want to remain evil's dead-end.
_________________________
Stop expecting people to be other than what they are! You'll be so much better-off. [Christopher, age 10]

The Aftermath Video

My Absolute Hero!

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#420216 - 12/27/12 08:13 AM Re: I told them [Re: Still]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5945
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
It is good when we are clear and present when deciding how best to interact with abusers, especially the ones on our birth certificates. If a survivor feels it is the right thing, then it is for him. In this case, it feels like the right thing and it shows a generosity in you, good man.

I too work to bring a difference to indifference, a halting of hatred and an abdication of abuse.

What you did shows courage.


Edited by SamV (12/27/12 08:14 AM)
Edit Reason: Is a thought ever really over?
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MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#420401 - 12/29/12 02:52 PM Re: I told them [Re: Still]
mmfan Offline


Registered: 09/25/11
Posts: 114
Your speaking out was courageous and honored you. Their response reveals their shortcomings as human beings. You deserve to be believed, validated, supported and accepted.

I find it frustrating because it's not hard to listen, believe someone and validate that yes that experience must have been horrible, it was not your fault and we stand by you as you deal with the aftermath. It costs nothing, hurts no one and it heals tremendously. How hard is it, seriously? How small-minded does someone have to be, to turn their back on someone in pain? (especially one's own son/daughter/brother/family member) -I find it outrageous and sick really.

Sorry if an angry response is not helpful, it just elicits a response from me because you deserve better.

Going to the hospital was admirable. I'm not sure I could have done the same. "Evil's dead-end" was a great way to put it, and inspiring.

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#420658 - 01/02/13 12:06 AM Re: I told them [Re: Still]
sugarbaby Offline


Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 352
Still - I don't know when you told them but I just posted about my in-laws. It took them 4.5 YEARS to have a conversation with their son. As far as I know only one of his 4 siblings has ever spoken to him about it.

It is sad. It will get better though.

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#420807 - 01/03/13 09:13 AM Re: I told them [Re: Still]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6542
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
As I said before, we consciously protect our families from the truth so as to save them. To disclose back when I was a kid would have resulted in a sht-storm falling upon my head, but it would have also brought total destruction on my family.

Today, the pain is off-the-hook bad! I'm staring into a full new year and seeing nothing going for me. I've been kicked out of life in so many ways. I getting quite sick of it really.

Kicked out of childhood, family life, childhood friends, enjoyment and excellence in school, no instructions for life, no anything...just wake-up, cover-up tracks and hope I survive another night.

Kicked out of the family I created with Lorie. Publicly outed and humiliated, alienated to this very day.

I honestly wonder why I have not fled to Zimbabwe to grow yams and live in a moldy-wet treehouse. I haven't enough money to buy asthma meds. Can't pay for my daughter's snowboarding lessons she wants so badly.
Quote:
It is sad. It will get better though.


the slide downward has to stop first.
_________________________
Stop expecting people to be other than what they are! You'll be so much better-off. [Christopher, age 10]

The Aftermath Video

My Absolute Hero!

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#420813 - 01/03/13 09:46 AM Re: I told them [Re: Still]
men_of_hrts.dbw Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/09
Posts: 301
Loc: Orchidland Big Island Hawaii
Still,
It was in June 2011 I woke up and something changed.
I no longer gave a fuck. I had no more fucks left to give.
I moved to a remote off grid community on Big Island Hawaii..as far from society as possible. In the jungle.
It was the best thing for me.
I even have a Tree House I take naps in overlooking a macadamia nut orchard with a dwarf donkey and white billy goat.
I found others who understood my language, many are combat Vets who have lived there in peace.
They taught me a new language.

I hope you can find your island too bro..if someone had told me two years ago I would be where I am I would never have believed it.
_________________________
Doug>ASA Survivor (1x)
ECV 6001/MaTuCa Chapter 1849
E Clampus Vitus
"What Say the Brethren"
"Hang the Bastards"

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#420843 - 01/03/13 03:02 PM Re: I told them [Re: Still]
Gretta Offline


Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 239
Still,
You are not evils dead end. You have put an end to evil. Totally to different animals. Despite your pain you go to the bedside of your father. I am amazed at the spirit of the survivor and the care you are capable despite what was done. My husband wishes more that the abuse was not true not for his pain but for that of his mothers. Who is incapable. Sorry for your pain.

Gretta

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