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#422223 - 01/16/13 08:49 AM I'm on a 3 day suspension from work.
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Looking on the bright side I have awhile to think about it. On the other hand it creates a big problem and something that needs to be addressed. The reason I got suspended was that I lost 1 Librium pill because I wasn't paying attention because we are so busy. Why can't my life be better, I keep screwing up, I've always thought that I was incompetent and that the only reason I lasted on my last job before was the boss was an idiot or felt sorry for me, this kinda seals the deal. I guess I was right, I have to do something about this, I plan to call a new T today. I was also told that another incident like this would likely cause my termination. This is bad
_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#422224 - 01/16/13 09:00 AM Re: I'm on a 3 day suspension from work. [Re: onlyakid]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3377
Loc: somewhere in Africa
sorry - naturally you are upset by this. but please don't waste your time beating yourself up over it. it was a mistake - own it and learn from it. hope you accepted the repercussions in an appropriate manner - that goes a long way. and it can still be addressed if you need to when you return.

i like what you said about having time to think and calling a new T. that is a great attitude to take - make something positive out of the unexpected bonus of extra time off. it could be very productive. you sound more balanced that the posts i read by you a year or so ago = then you seemed to be much more down on yourself. looks to me like you are doing better.

Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#422226 - 01/16/13 09:41 AM Re: I'm on a 3 day suspension from work. [Re: onlyakid]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3603
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Jason,
I'm sorry that such error happened frown
You said nicely that such problem should be addressed now when you have some time for deeper thinking.
Please don't be hard on yourself we all are making mistakes. It is difficult working under stress.
I truly believe you'll find way to constructively move forward and use your potential, certainly you have it smile

Pero



_________________________
My story

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#422229 - 01/16/13 10:07 AM Re: I'm on a 3 day suspension from work. [Re: onlyakid]
Robert1000 Offline


Registered: 06/27/12
Posts: 336
Hey Jayson (that's your name, right?):

One of the worst aspects of our abuse, I think, or at least one of the tough ones, is that we have a tendency to feel as if we are cursed. I've had a therapist describe this as "magical thinking." The idea is that we have a very hard time coping with the idea that terrible things can happen to us for no reason at all, or only for superficial reasons. For instance, we often chose to think, when we were abused, that the abuse happened because something was wrong with us, not because our abuser happened to have an opportunity to victimize someone, and that opportunity allowed them to victimize us. It's hard to accept that truth, because that lends us toward a chaotic view of the universe, one in which bad shit randomly rains down on people. Well, hell, that's pretty much the truth. But, oddly, it's a truth that can allow you to have the life that you want.

You're not cursed. Nor are you incompetent. You can be as competent as you want to be. You might well be easy to distract. A lot of survivors of CSA have symptoms that present just like attention deficit disorder, because we have a high startle reflex, because we got hurt so profoundly. That startle reflex can prompt us to jump from subject to subject when we're talking, to skip around from idea to idea, and to forget things even when we're trying hard to remember. We do that, not because we're incompetent, but because we haven't learned to manage our anxiety very well.

What I'm saying is, you can do it. You're on the right track. I agree with those above. It's great that you're going for therapy. Me, too. I just restarted therapy and have my second appointment today at noon, which honestly freaks me out big time. After my first appointment, I felt like my head had come apart and wind was blowing around my brain! That was MESSED UP!

Anyway, keep it up. Keep trying. Keep seeking peace. You can do it.

Bob

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#422239 - 01/16/13 12:29 PM Re: I'm on a 3 day suspension from work. [Re: onlyakid]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Thanks guys, I'm feeling a bit better about it, it happened this morning and I guess it was a bit raw, I actually had to keep myself from crying in the HR office (I did actually a little).

Robert I do have those ADD symptoms. I've been diagnosed with Genralized Anxiety Disorder, ADD, social anxiety disorder, learning disabilities. But I bet your right it is from the abuse or other trauma that I've experienced.
_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


Top
#422243 - 01/16/13 01:45 PM Re: I'm on a 3 day suspension from work. [Re: onlyakid]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 842
Loc: Kc,Mo
thread about similair issue

All we can do is learn and grow my friend this happens to the best of us it is called an honest mistake. Unfortunately we got this thing called the human factor , and that will always leave room for mistakes and the important thing is to focus on the preventive measures to insure things do not happen the same way again. Will they ? who knows but no this that if it does it just means that we are human and how does that old saying go

SHIT HAPPENS

Just learn and grow my friend learn and grow think about anything positive you can take away from this. Being off , extra time to relax .

The importance of their stance on the issue . There are potential lawsuits for negligence . Maybe the pill would be found in another prescription or someone stealing or what ever they are justified in their action to insure things are more carefully observed ,l even though it is an honest mistake they have to cover their buts .


Do not take a mole hill and allow it to transition into a mountain. Learn and grow my friend learn and grow
and allow yourself to be better for it

peace and blessings
_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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#422244 - 01/16/13 01:46 PM Re: I'm on a 3 day suspension from work. [Re: onlyakid]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
I just got a call from the T and he squeezed me in for Tommorrow at 10am. I'm traveling about an hour but I wants someone who knows about male CSA so I don't want to fool around with possibly harmful therapy. I had so much problems making the call even though I've been to countless therapists, it feels like I'm going for the first time.
_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


Top
#422247 - 01/16/13 02:01 PM Re: I'm on a 3 day suspension from work. [Re: onlyakid]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 594
Originally Posted By: onlyakid
I just got a call from the T and he squeezed me in for Tommorrow at 10am. I'm traveling about an hour but I wants someone who knows about male CSA so I don't want to fool around with possibly harmful therapy. I had so much problems making the call even though I've been to countless therapists, it feels like I'm going for the first time.


I know what that's like. Had good ones, had really bad ones. Never seems to get less nerve wracking.
_________________________
Like a spent gladiator
crawling in the colosseum dust
who can count on his remaining limbs
all the people he can trust.
Like the one who stands behind him
cheering him on
Estatic when he stands defiant,
wild with abandon when he's gone

just stay alive.
do whatever you need to.
you are worth it.

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#422280 - 01/16/13 05:04 PM Re: I'm on a 3 day suspension from work. [Re: onlyakid]
Robert1000 Offline


Registered: 06/27/12
Posts: 336
Good luck with the new T. I'm actually filling out the paperwork in hopes of getting my insurance to recoup me some or all of the cost of my new therapist. Damn, I hate America's health care system. Why is mental health care so hard to get? Why can't our country understand that good quality and affordable (free?) health care would make our nation more productive and happier with fewer crimes and fewer suicides and all sorts of other costly stuff?

Sorry to rant, and I don't mean to inject partisan politics into this scene, but still....

This stuff is stressful enough without worrying about the cost.

Bob

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#422304 - 01/16/13 08:36 PM * [Re: onlyakid]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 02:07 PM)

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#422310 - 01/16/13 10:27 PM Re: I'm on a 3 day suspension from work. [Re: onlyakid]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1513
Loc: New England
Hey OnlyaKid,

Sorry about your suspension. One of my co-workers just got terminated for making 2 medical errors, neither of which actually harmed the patients involved, but they were both with narcotics, and thats where management goes ballistic.

Take heart in the fact that you didn't even come close to harming any patients. But being short of the recorded count of a narcotic med is also a trigger to make management frantic. It has to be reported to the state, and places them under greater scrutiny. The suspicion is always that the med was diverted for someones recreational use.

I've had a similar experience and thought my career was over. But I just went back in and determined to be exceedingly careful, take my time, and do the best job I could. Things have worked out. Don't throw in the towel over this.

Jude
_________________________
I went back to the doctor
To get another shrink.
I sit and tell him about my weekend,
But he never betrays what he thinks.
Can you see the real me, doctor?.
The Who

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#422330 - 01/17/13 12:38 AM Re: I'm on a 3 day suspension from work. [Re: onlyakid]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Yeah,
I just learned that someone from my hospital systems corporate security came down to get some reports about the transaction. In addition, there were some complaints about some other what I would regard as minor stuff that were documented as part of the offical reason why I was suspended. One of the biggest complaints I have about my supervisor is that she gets complaints about stuff and Im only told about them during my annual review. To be fair to her, I work night shift and we don't get a chance to see each other often, however I do have a corporate email which she could always write me a note and let me know what the problem is. This way I could handle it because I know and would be able to recall the circumstances that led to it. The person who complains about it rarely lets me know themselves and when they do most of the time they don't let me know the gravity of the situation. I'm not saying that I am not at fault in these situations but I don't like being surprised one day with them when I'm caught off guard.
_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


Top
#422360 - 01/17/13 09:51 AM Re: I'm on a 3 day suspension from work. [Re: onlyakid]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6401
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Jason,

For one thing, you went from a computer-world job (from teens to 30) and owned the science of the job.

Then you left that for something SO entirely different, its not even on the same symbolic continent. From puters to pharmacy? I was SO impressed and in awe that you were able to make such a brave and dramatic transition! So let's not forget THAT angle on things. You did what many could not even imagine doing.

Now, yes, accidents and errors happen. Ooops! In my book, NBD! But that's easy for me to say, but I truly want you armed with being truly (truly) impressed with yourself for making a successful and radical career change.

Hold THAT out as your headline...not "fkt-up" a meds inventory.
_________________________
Wishing You Were Here!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

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#422361 - 01/17/13 09:54 AM Re: I'm on a 3 day suspension from work. [Re: onlyakid]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6401
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Originally Posted By: onlyakid
Yeah,
I just learned that someone from my hospital systems corporate security came down to get some reports about the transaction. In addition, there were some complaints about some other what I would regard as minor stuff that were documented as part of the offical reason why I was suspended. One of the biggest complaints I have about my supervisor is that she gets complaints about stuff and Im only told about them during my annual review. To be fair to her, I work night shift and we don't get a chance to see each other often, however I do have a corporate email which she could always write me a note and let me know what the problem is. This way I could handle it because I know and would be able to recall the circumstances that led to it. The person who complains about it rarely lets me know themselves and when they do most of the time they don't let me know the gravity of the situation. I'm not saying that I am not at fault in these situations but I don't like being surprised one day with them when I'm caught off guard.



Is there any way to improve communications with all involved parties?

You would necessarily want to call their current methods "lousy," but maybe ask "how can I improve channels of communications and feedback on a daily basis?"

Just a thought. Hope its not over-stepping.
_________________________
Wishing You Were Here!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

Top
#422377 - 01/17/13 12:49 PM Re: I'm on a 3 day suspension from work. [Re: Still]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Originally Posted By: Still
Jason,
Now, yes, accidents and errors happen. Ooops! In my book, NBD! But that's easy for me to say, but I truly want you armed with being truly (truly) impressed with yourself for making a successful and radical career change.

Hold THAT out as your headline...not "fkt-up" a meds inventory.


Yes, errors happen, etc and while I shouldn't beat myself up about it, I need to work to fix it. It can't be NBD because another incident could possibly lead to me being fired. But thank you.
_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


Top
#422511 - 01/18/13 10:22 AM Re: I'm on a 3 day suspension from work. [Re: onlyakid]
ShortedDiode Offline


Registered: 11/26/11
Posts: 97
Loc: Hamilton, ON Canada
You mentioned you work the night shift. Did you discuss that with the HR department? It's well known that night shifts wreak havoc with your alertness and attentiveness and that could've been a contributing factor. Rotating shifts are even worse. This is true for everybody that does shift work. Maybe you can get them to put you on a shift that works better for you?
_________________________
If it's a choice between laughing or crying, I'd rather laugh.

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#422514 - 01/18/13 10:51 AM Re: I'm on a 3 day suspension from work. [Re: onlyakid]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6401
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Jason,

I did not mean to make the NBD sound trite. I look at anything less than a nuclear war as "NBD" in the grand sceme. I DO wish you did not have to deal with it at all.
_________________________
Wishing You Were Here!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

Top
#422528 - 01/18/13 01:27 PM Re: I'm on a 3 day suspension from work. [Re: Still]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Still,
Thank you I know you didn't mean anything by that. I understand what you were trying to say, basically don't beat yourself up about it. Unfortunately, getting fired is a big problem because while I will have a place to stay, my parents will let me stay, I have credit card bills I have to pay that my parents don't know about. They lent me money to pay off my CC bills, so that I could pay it off thru them at 0% interest. I gave them a low figure embarassed about the amount of debt I had, so now they think I have no debt. If I defaulted on my credit cards (because I wouldn't qualify for unemployment I don't believe..I have to DOUBLE check that), all of the mail that would come would raise a red flag. I already have the bills set to paperless so they don't think I owe anymore. Companies don't send bills for $0. Plus my xmas gift was them forgiving the $3000 balance I owe them (as much as I appreciate the gesture I feel like it has so many strings attached) supposedly leaving me with no debt period. Plus just try to get a job in this economy after you've been fired, its hard when you are looking for a job when you are employed.

Anyway, as usual (I know I'm sorry for being down on myself), I've backed myself into a bad situation. In any event, Im sorry for the rant but rest assured I don't think you meant anything by NBD.

Jason


Also
_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


Top
#422529 - 01/18/13 01:32 PM Re: I'm on a 3 day suspension from work. [Re: ShortedDiode]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
That would be great except there are no job openings during the day and no one would be willing to trade shifts with me (I know I certainly wouldn't). Best I can do is sleep during the afternoon and evening hours rather than the morning so I'm more well rested. I didn't want to do that because I didn't want not to be able to do things in the evening when the day people are around but who am I kidding, no day people want to do anything with me anyway. Come to think of it, no night people want to do anything with me either. So I guess that will help and I will do that ASAP to remain more alert. Thank you for the idea that your question gave me.

Jason
_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


Top
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