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#422218 - 01/16/13 08:08 AM Stress over upcoming Therapy
SmartShadow Offline


Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 134
Loc: Washington State
I found a T who has the ability and experance to work with me.
I have a lot of requirements for a T that rule out most practicing therapists. I need someone with extensive EMDR training. CSA, Trauma, Sexual Addiction, DID, dissociative issues, etc. the addiction stuff has not been an issue for quite sometime now, but it is a big part of what I have learned to deal with. I just wanted someone who gets this stuff and my isues aren't going to challenge any paradigms, or that I would see horror and rejection reflected back in his face. I have never been able to work through any trauma stuff in my now almost 20 years of working through this stuff. Just behavioral and emotional stability work. I supose my counselors have eather not been qualified or could tell I was not ready to go there. I am as ready as I will ever be, so I go for a 2 hour intake and planing session a week from today. Based on the phone call to set this up he is cautious about jumping into EMDR. I think he is concerned about the DID stuff. He mention that there can be some, name I can't remember, fractured parts that haven't grown and have gotten worse over time. Interesting what the brain can do when it has to I suppose. Well sound like he can deal with my fractured traumatized state no problem. So far so good. But I am a bit stresed out. Just fear I supose. Bad dreams, emotional symbolic dreams, scatered sleep and a heavy tention seams to be a growing pattern. I think a month from now should be quite telling for me in all of this. I realy hope it works out.
It's a 5.5 hour drive one way so that's a bit hard. I supose I could keep looking but it seams like a long drive may be the price to pay for a good fit. It dawns on me that I could easily be 15 hours or more away from home to go to a session. I will likely have to tell my adult children who live at home what I am doing. They know I have some non csa childhood trauma so I can just go with a half truth and get by. This seam like a lot of work especially if I go once a week for a wile. I hope I can keep it up and the rest of life as well.
Well, dam the torpedos after all.

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#422221 - 01/16/13 08:31 AM Re: Stress over upcoming Therapy [Re: SmartShadow]
traveler Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3199
Loc: back in the USA
sounds like you have done your homework and are ready for the next step. i, for one, expect to hear great things from this new partnership. hoping it is a good fit and that the outcomes you are seeking come to fruition...

my best wishes, good luck, prayers - all go with you...
Lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#422225 - 01/16/13 09:17 AM Re: Stress over upcoming Therapy [Re: SmartShadow]
SmartShadow Offline


Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 134
Loc: Washington State
Thanks Lee, I will keep you posted.


Edited by SmartShadow (01/16/13 09:18 AM)

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#422227 - 01/16/13 09:54 AM Re: Stress over upcoming Therapy [Re: SmartShadow]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1433
I am glad you found someone to help. I too have dissociative issues and fugues and it is difficult to find someone with significant experience, especially when in the outer suburbs of a city.

Good luck, it sounds like you are in good hands.

Kevin

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#422253 - 01/16/13 02:24 PM Re: Stress over upcoming Therapy [Re: SmartShadow]
Robert1000 Offline


Registered: 06/27/12
Posts: 307
Good luck. I, for one, get super-freaked out before seeing a new therapist, which I did for the second time today. And afterwards, I feel strange and otherworldly, although today I'm not so bad. Go for it, dude. It's painful, but it's good. This is the path to peace.
Bob

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#422354 - 01/17/13 08:41 AM Re: Stress over upcoming Therapy [Re: SmartShadow]
SmartShadow Offline


Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 134
Loc: Washington State
Thanks for the words of encouragement.
I think the driving has me the most concerned. I will just half to figure it out I supose. It feals like it will be exhausting. Maybe all things have there reason. I keep thinking just stay over night and brake up the drive. Could do a second session the next day before going home. That makes the most sence to me but this idea is not good for my wife. I will figure it out I am sure. One step at a time.

I think there is a part of me inside that is afraid of everything and every one. If is strange, I have learned a lot about my self in the last few months. I am afraid at times of this whole process and even the T. How can a compleat stranger be safe? But I have been preparing for this for 20 years. It's time.

I am trying to not think to much about it so the time will just evaporate and I will be going through it. Truth is my mind is working over time trying to control everything. I though I was past that. I supose something inside of me feels like this is a threat. Probably why this work has not been an option before now. But the difrence is I am not afraid of the fear any more. I hate it but I don't belive it can compleatly dissolve me like I once did.

Thanks again for the support. The strange thing is, I get unsettled, then I talk here and I feel much better. It is like my brain can now resolve things in a way that seams new for me. It must be the process of organizing my thoughts and feeling into words or some thing.


Edited by SmartShadow (01/17/13 08:43 AM)

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#422359 - 01/17/13 09:40 AM Re: Stress over upcoming Therapy [Re: SmartShadow]
Robert1000 Offline


Registered: 06/27/12
Posts: 307
I actually think that writing things down makes them real in a way that talking doesn't. Maybe that's why I feel relieved when I post here. It's like, when the thoughts are just floating around in my head, they're evil demons that make all sorts of trouble, but when I write them down, I capture them and pin them to the page or the screen.

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#422425 - 01/17/13 06:30 PM Re: Stress over upcoming Therapy [Re: Robert1000]
traveler Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3199
Loc: back in the USA
Originally Posted By: Robert1000
I actually think that writing things down makes them real in a way that talking doesn't. ... when I write them down, I capture them and pin them to the page or the screen.


this has been scientifically proven - that writing uses a different part of the brain than just thnking - and talking uses another part. my T says that it is important and helpful to do all three - think about things, write them out, read or talk through them aloud - hear it yourself (i guess that's four! i never was good with numbers!!) but the point is - you do process things differently with each activity - and all are necessary - and help get a better understanding - and give more insights. it has really worked for me.

Lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#422939 - 01/22/13 01:20 PM Re: Stress over upcoming Therapy [Re: SmartShadow]
Robert1000 Offline


Registered: 06/27/12
Posts: 307
Wow. Thanks for posting that, Lee. That's good to know.... Thanks again.
Bob

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