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#419684 - 12/20/12 07:22 PM * [Re: Farmer Boy]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 01:25 PM)

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#419694 - 12/20/12 08:07 PM Re: Going to 'talk' to my abuser [Re: Farmer Boy]
Candu Offline


Registered: 06/30/12
Posts: 312
Loc: Canada
Hi Lee, based on his response that you wrote above, I think that he probably is remorseful. I don't know how old he was at the time and how old he is now but time and age does change us. If he was an adolescent he couldn't appreciate how bad a thing he did. Not saying that his actions should be excused but I hope that a lot of younger abusers would not have done what they had done if they had an idea of the effects on their victims.

In my case my abuser was an older friend. Maybe three years older than I was. While he had to know it was wrong but likely couldn't appreciate the damage he caused. (I hope he dies a horrible death for what he did to me and others. Forgiveness for me is not an option.)

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#419745 - 12/21/12 09:57 AM Re: Going to 'talk' to my abuser [Re: Farmer Boy]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5780
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
Please take a look at "Disclosure and Confrontation" http://www.malesurvivor.org/ArchivedPages/singer3.html

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#420534 - 12/31/12 03:26 PM Re: Going to 'talk' to my abuser [Re: Farmer Boy]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
Hey Guys

Just giving you an update.

I see my brother this Friday morning (4th of January) (Thursday afternoon/evening in US).

I am still planning what I am going to say to him and want to thank the guys that have offered advice.

More details later.
_________________________
More than meets the eye!

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#420538 - 12/31/12 04:13 PM * [Re: Farmer Boy]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 01:45 PM)

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#420541 - 12/31/12 05:41 PM Re: Going to 'talk' to my abuser [Re: Farmer Boy]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1790
Take care of yourself. Keep yourself safe and do not set expectations as what your abuser may say.

Keep well and best of luck.

Kevin

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#420714 - 01/02/13 04:15 PM Re: Going to 'talk' to my abuser [Re: Farmer Boy]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
I leave to go on my pilgrimage in a few hours.

I am freaking out obviously. Guess it is to be expected.

More new flash backs etc.

I do feel deep inside it will be ok.

I need my friends around me now noe than ever and it means so much to me to know you guys are here. I couldn't do this alone. Actually I wouldn't have done this if I hadn't found the strength I got from being here and sharing in all your/our experiences. You have all helped me to get to this point. Every post....Every PM.

I hope I get the answers I need from my meeting.
I am scared to get them!
I don't know where they will take me.
I may just get a brother out of it rather than another perp.
That will be HARD to let go of (if I do let go)
Sometimes I still HATE him for what I became (a man whore)
But hey I guess I will see what happens.

Lee
_________________________
More than meets the eye!

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#420717 - 01/02/13 05:06 PM Re: Going to 'talk' to my abuser [Re: Farmer Boy]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1600
Loc: New England
FB,

We've got your back. Whatever happens, you have brother here who understand you.

Jude
_________________________
Seems I've got to have a change of scene
Every night I have the strangest dreams
Imprisoned by the way it could have been
Left here on my own or so it seems
I've got to leave before I start to scream
Joe Cocker

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#420722 - 01/02/13 07:19 PM Re: Going to 'talk' to my abuser [Re: Farmer Boy]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 918
Loc: New York
Lee,

You have all of your considerable life accomplishments, everything you've struggled to beat and did, your loving wife and kids, all your friends / brothers here, AND basic human decency, rule of law, civilization itself, all on your side.... versus just his teenaged dick on the other side. He knows why you are confronting him and now it's his turn to be afraid.

We're all with you.

Matt
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of Heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#420726 - 01/02/13 08:53 PM Re: Going to 'talk' to my abuser [Re: Farmer Boy]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 759
Loc: Southeast USA
Lee,

You have this one in hand. You are the one with nothing to prove or account for. Keep cool and calm. Like I said earlier, you have personal and career/vocational success doing something you love. You accomplished all of this while bearing a terrible burden.

That is real strength.
We're all supporting you.

Will
_________________________
Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
Ruins of a past unknown-

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