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#42152 - 02/09/03 11:53 PM Just want to talk
Kieran1 Offline
Member

Registered: 01/30/03
Posts: 33
Loc: Canada
SAeems like I always log on here,wanting to talk and talk.I feel like I could go on forever,it seems. How my life has changed in the past 10 days,how I divulged my abuse to the love of my life.I crossed the line,and I am proud of that.I am however,kinda scared about what is going to happen this week. I have a date with a therapist who specializes in male abuse victims. I got in to seem him early.Now I have to relive the whole thing again. My wife wants me to go in the session with a resolve to tackle these issues that have tormented me so long.I am truly terrified of going through this again! Thank God she is at my side.Where does my path go from here and is it going to be rough in there?Let me know brothers.

Your friend,Kieran


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#42153 - 02/10/03 12:06 AM Re: Just want to talk
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Kieran. I am not saying that it is going to be easier but it will be easier than the huge step you took with your wife. Brother this therapist is there to help. They are non judgemental just as we are. I have been where you are and it is SCARY. But the door is open now. Remember that one thing you have done and for which you give yourself little or no credit. YOU HAVE SURVIVED inspite of the bastard. And man that is huge. Pat yourself on the back for that. It is time to get rid of the shit that you were given, and see it for what it was. You were powerless and someone abused their power. Just remember it is not a secret any more. Once you tell someone else it looses its hold a bit. You have been upfront with us and your wife. What you are looking for now is some guidance from a professional as to how to take a step at a time. Go for it. And keep us in the picture. I will be thinking about you till the next time you are back here with us

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#42154 - 02/10/03 01:40 PM Re: Just want to talk
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Kieran
the scariest part is over, disclosing to your wife was almost certainly the hardest thing you'll ever do.

And Mike points out that you have survived until now by your own methods, YOU did that - nobody's carried you.

Those two things take an immense amount of strength and a sense of self preservation that you didn't know you had. And now you do it's frightening.

Therapy is totally non judgemental, the T shouldn't give you the answers but lead you to find your own, in your own time. You set the pace and the agenda.

It is great pressure I can't deny that, but you have great strength already and you will gain more.
But if you feel it is too much then tell the T, or move onto a different aspect of your healing.

I found that talking to my wife afterwards was also a great help, but I also found thatI hated talking in our home - I felt that it violated our space. So we found a quiet pub and would go there after my T and talk, if I felt like it of course.
We still do something similar and go out for a curry on a Friday night and I talk, we discuss, what's going on. I still don't like talking at home.
That's just the way we do it, and it set a nice routine and place. Surprisingly we both felt comfortable talking in a public place, the curry house we use has booths and we always get the corner one so it is fairly private.
It also means we are less likely to throw our toys out of the pram and get angry, although it's something we very rarely do anyway. But we're captive and don't have the interuptions of the 'phone, TV etc.

Whatever you choose to do though, make sure you do talk to each other.
Soon you'll find that there is no need to be scared because you will trust yourself. Once you do that then trusting your wife will come naturally.

If anyone says it's easy, they're lying.
If they ask "Is it worth it ?" say "YES !"

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#42155 - 02/10/03 02:13 PM Re: Just want to talk
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Right on Dave. It is worth it. No matter how much it hurts.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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