Newest Members
Stormchaser, johnnyc717, bluebook, Roscoe, SJC
12314 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
iwishicared (41), Scott Oliver (53), TutDaVinci (32)
Who's Online
5 registered (Obi, Ocellaris, Frm73, 2 invisible), 17 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12314 Members
74 Forums
63369 Topics
443111 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 2 of 3 < 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#421491 - 01/08/13 09:50 AM Re: What exactly do stories build? [Re: Luftraumm]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
Hey Luftraumm

Like everyone else has said 'welcome to the club' . Though I'm sure we all wish we didn't have to be here.

Just wanted to let you know that there is no rush to tell your story.

I have been here since August and still haven't told my whole story. I have gradually revealed different parts of my story as I have come to understand what actually happened. If I wrote my story when I first came here it would have been incomplete. Since coming here I have remembered different things and talking to other guys here I have realised that some things I thought we ok were actually CSA and some things I thought were CSA actually were not.

This place is great for being able to talk about what happened to us and to work out what we think about it.

It is different for everyone but please take your time.

Lee
_________________________
More than meets the eye!

Top
#421592 - 01/08/13 09:16 PM Re: What exactly do stories build? [Re: Luftraumm]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3363
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Originally Posted By: Luftraumm

My stories always have to do with family, with a paternal image.
I often feel orphaned. So i look for a Father, a male figure that has everything the male figures in my life failed to show me.


i feel that void of a good and true father figure, too.
real father died when i was almost 3.
step-father & 1st abuser entered my life when i was almost 6.
at that point, i lost my mom, too because if she showed me affection or took my side, it caused anger and conflict and worse punishment from him.
so - i identify with the orphan characters or abandoned/neglected characters, too.
difference is - i consciously avoid the substitute father figues while craving that - and unfortunately have been attracted subconsciously to inappropriate pseudo-father figures without realizing it - to my own hurt and regret.

lots to consider. take your time - you will figure it out. it's almost like we discover things that we then recognize and feel like they are both new - and that we knew them all along but weren't aware of it...

Lee


Edited by traveler (01/09/13 04:38 AM)
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#421649 - 01/09/13 11:21 AM Re: What exactly do stories build? [Re: Luftraumm]
Luftraumm Offline


Registered: 01/06/13
Posts: 17
Loc: Brasil
Seems like the feeling of being sepparated from your family because of trauma is very common...

I can relate a lot to your relatioship with your mother, in a mixed up way, we try to protect our family, and somehow we end up feeling responsible.

In my case i was repeatedly abused by my father, from 9 to 14, and all of it mixed with emotional abuse in "normal" days. But my family kept going in a haze of lies, for 7 years, it`s been a little more than a year i disclosed all of it to them, since then my father got out of the house.

I`m still getting to understand i`m "safe" now, and trying, with family therapy and my own therapy, to actualy have a family.

The substitute father figures have faded in and out of my life, most of the time it was healthy.

But i always identify them, and always look for the image of the Alpha male.
I struggle quite a bit with wanting to be that and failing miserably.

in most of my relationships i ended up entering some sort of codependancy where i play the role of the father, primary care giver, i`m subconciously always trying to be a father/alpha male.
Most of the time i can`t cope with this kind of pressure...

whew...sorry i went on a rant there...

Top
#421667 - 01/09/13 06:35 PM Re: What exactly do stories build? [Re: Luftraumm]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3363
Loc: somewhere in Africa
don't be sorry - that's what helps - putting it into words, making sense of an absurd situation, having someone else "get it."

you are doing it right - and well!
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#421677 - 01/09/13 07:20 PM Re: What exactly do stories build? [Re: Luftraumm]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
Hey Lu

I 'get it'.

I was not physically or sexually abused by my dad - but every other kind - emotional, mental, verbal....

I was sexually abused by both my older brothers who I looked up to as role models. Unfortunately it became a pattern of looking for Alpha males and then being abused by them.

I 'need' to be the alpha male. And I can't cope when I don't make it.

I commend you on trying to 'actually have a family' - I know how hard that is.

I agree with the other Lee - putting it into words really helps (you and us).

Rant away Brother!!! We are listening.

Lee
_________________________
More than meets the eye!

Top
#421731 - 01/10/13 01:45 AM Re: What exactly do stories build? [Re: Luftraumm]
crazy gecko Offline


Registered: 10/04/12
Posts: 309
Father figures... oh boy.

I've never had a healthy father figure in my life. My father and foster father were my abusers. Other father figures came and went at times. Other "father figures" drifter through my life at times, but they never really cared, and usually left me feeling hurt, disappointed or abandoned. Or all three. My wife's father hated me and never hesitated to show it.

My girlfriend's father shows a tendency to be "fatherly" towards me, but I think I've lost the ability to be a son. One can't learn to be a son at 40. It's too late. He scares me. Not because he's ever said or done anything threatening - just because I don't know how to act around him...
_________________________
I guess what I'm trying to say
Is whose life is it anyway because livin'
Living is the best revenge
You can play
-- Def Leppard

My Story, Part 2

My blog

Top
#421737 - 01/10/13 02:45 AM Re: What exactly do stories build? [Re: Luftraumm]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1509
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: Luftraumm
Did any of you find yourselves always looking for symbols? because somehow i got used to always grabing onto stories, books, characters, carrying these symbols everywhere i went, trying to look into fiction for role models and some kind of certainty.


Role model? Peter Pan of course. He wanted to stay a little boy forever and always have fun. He lived in a place without adults, and he could fly away from danger. He was brave. He fought pirates and indians. And NOBODY would dare to molest him.

_________________________
"I get up, and nothing gets me down.
You got it tough. I've seen the toughest around.
And I know, baby, just how you feel.
You've got to roll with the punches to get to what's real"
Van Halen

Top
#422460 - 01/17/13 10:09 PM Re: What exactly do stories build? [Re: Luftraumm]
Bert DMA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 12/09/11
Posts: 11
Loc: New York and Japan
Hy,
You asked "how have you told youselves your own tale?"

I've used music my whole life. Chamber music in particular. The anonymity of solo piano music is the gold standard for musicians . useful for telling one's own story and employing sensitivities.
_________________________
Bert DMA: Doctor of Musical Arts

Top
#422471 - 01/18/13 01:20 AM Re: What exactly do stories build? [Re: Luftraumm]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Luftraumm --

Welcome to MS. Glad you were able to find us. Yeah, it feels overwhelming at first. But you can take your time. You don't have to read all the posts at once! Take a break from it.

Get to know the threads and only post when/where you're comfortable. Post only as much as you're comfortable posting. You'll get to know us. We'll get to know you.

Sometimes what I'll do is some writing in my journal, get my thoughts organized and use that material to post here. Sometimes I'll do it the other way around. But writing is terrific for a lot of us.

Sejam muito bem-vindos!

Top
#422479 - 01/18/13 02:16 AM Re: What exactly do stories build? [Re: crazy gecko]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 594
Originally Posted By: crazy gecko

My girlfriend's father shows a tendency to be "fatherly" towards me, but I think I've lost the ability to be a son. One can't learn to be a son at 40. It's too late. He scares me. Not because he's ever said or done anything threatening - just because I don't know how to act around him...


I hate people who try to act that way toward me, even though I know they mean no harm. I don't really know why.
_________________________
Like a spent gladiator
crawling in the colosseum dust
who can count on his remaining limbs
all the people he can trust.
Like the one who stands behind him
cheering him on
Estatic when he stands defiant,
wild with abandon when he's gone

just stay alive.
do whatever you need to.
you are worth it.

Top
Page 2 of 3 < 1 2 3 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.