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#421394 - 01/07/13 01:20 PM EMDR doc cancels on me again
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1039

Friday was supposed to be my 2nd session with my new EMDR T, the one I've been working up towards since starting therapy again in September. An event that I was terrified of, but ready to do...

But, on Thursday, someone from her office called me to tell me that she (my T) was sick, and could we re-schedule. I was frustrated, but yeah sure. I booked for this Friday. Then, I called back and was like, "Hey, I wanted to do this. Is she available Monday?" So I booked for Monday.

This morning, another call from her office, saying she is still sick. Cancelled on me again. This is not good.

While I can understand in a logical and rational sense that these things can happen, and there's nothing one can do about being sick, and the flu in my area is going around, etc... the wounded part of me doesn't give a shit about what makes rational sense.

To my wounded self, I've been blown off twice in a row by someone I need to trust to make this work.

I called my original T, the one who recommended me to her, to see if I could come in to see him this week, and he told me sorry, he was booked solid.

So now I got all these emotions bubbling up at the surface that I usually keep bottled up, and there's nowhere for them to go. And I don't have anyone to talk to.

Fuck. Fuck me. It's a firehose and I can't turn it off.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#421396 - 01/07/13 01:40 PM Re: EMDR doc cancels on me again [Re: cant_remember]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1402
Loc: California
You're feeling upset because you feel like you're being abandoned by your therapist.

These feelings belong in the past, but you feel them today. These feelings are real to you because they hurt so bad, but they're just being triggered because the therapist is sick.

There is an especially virulent flu virus going around this year, it was headlined in the news over the weekend. Trust that your therapist hasn't abandoned you, embrace the feelings of abandonment you have, and acknowledge them, but keep in your mind that your therapist has not abandoned you. You just feel abandoned.

It's okay to feel the feelings you're having; for this moment, don't do anything other than accept the feeling. Feelings are what they are. They come and they go. They move like the tide. They will pass.

D
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

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#421400 - 01/07/13 02:26 PM Re: EMDR doc cancels on me again [Re: cant_remember]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1039
Thank you, Magellan.

If you weren't here... what would I have done?

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#421413 - 01/07/13 06:24 PM Re: EMDR doc cancels on me again [Re: cant_remember]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3393
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Cant - until the T becopmes available - bring as much here as you can. i know we are not qualified, trained professionals - but we do care.
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#421414 - 01/07/13 07:10 PM Re: EMDR doc cancels on me again [Re: cant_remember]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1039
Thanks, Lee.

It's nothing you're not familiar with. It's just another situation where I realize that I'm not in control of my emotions. That I have this logical and rational understanding of a situation that does not match at all what my emotional reaction is -- and the two vibrate against each other in a very unpleasant way.

I recognize that I'm having irrational feelings, but that doesn't help me control them. It was eight years ago (2004) when I first realized this, and I don't think I'm doing much better at dealing with it.

I can communicate it -- "Hey, this situation is causing me to feel this certain way, even though I know that isn't the case." -- but does nothing to help me integrate my emotions into my primary self.

Help?

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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