"you need to move on and get over it."

from a fellow survivor.

1) I was with a woman and was having difficulty responding to her advances. She didn't understand. I was a little drunk and blurted out that I was abused as a child (my first disclosure to anyone other than my therapist). Her response: "what a waste."

So that's what I am- a waste? I literally went from being very emotional to feeling absolutely nothing.

2) My current girlfriend (she does not know about my CSA) were discussing her teaching experience and a boy that she had that they were watching close as he had been abusing other kids in the past. She found out that he was a victim of abuse. She then stated, "that's what happens when a boy is sexually abused, he becomes an abuser himself."

Me: "surely not all abused kids turn into abusers themselves?"

Her: "yes, they do. without exception."

Me: "Hmm."

On a Christian forum, when looking for advice about forgiving my parents and "honoring" them, as per the fifth commandment:
"I think that you need to put the past behind you and look forward to the future with the Lord. At the least you can use it as a learning experience."

Yeah, thanks. I'm holding on to the past on purpose, because I like being miserable. The nightmares and flashbacks have nothing to do with it at all.

From the same thread:
"You must secure your salvation. Bitterness and unforgiveness will send you to the lake of fire."

I no longer frequent that forum...

I still hear that - from my partner! I can't go to him with any of this. I come here instead. In that sense, you guys know me better than my own "family".

[Psychiatrist, on flashbacks]:

"These things emerge when you're ready to face them."

Yeah, right.

John

.

Just get over it

It doesn't matter anymore it already happened don't think about it forget it.

Why would he do that? what happened to him?

Don't tell anyone else the family won't understand.

"Don't all boys experiment?"

Maybe some boys do....BUT MEN AND BOYS DON'T!!!!!

"I'm sure he was just doing his best. All parents make mistakes".

Right. He raped us, repeatedly, by mistake. Ok then.

"He had a drinking problem. He probably didn't even know what he was doing"

Funny how the vast majority of alcoholics don't go around raping their sons. And then there's little thing about him actually having to be relatively sober, as opposed to black-out drunk, in order to get it up to rape us...

"You should think carefully before you have kids. You might have an urge to abuse them too."

I actually believed that, and took it to heart. That's why I waited till my mid-thirties before I had a kid. I just didn't trust myself before that...

not the worst, but the one on my mind right now.

"If you feel guilt, it means you must have done something wrong."