Can I call it rape when he 'only' manipulated me into giving him oral sex at 5 or is it 'just' sexual abuse?
Rape implies the use of physical force. But what difference does it make? Either way its affected you deeply throughout your life.
Did my father sexually abuse us even though he didn't touch us?
I think that 'leering' can be sexual abuse as well.
Could my brothers have had a sexual relationship on an equal level even though they where 6 years apart?
NO! As you said, 10 year olds do not have
"loving sexual relationships" with ANYBODY EVER.
How far does this pattern of CSA go?
Its sounds like its a family-wide. The less you have to do with those characters, the better.
Am I just making a big deal about nothing?
ABSOLUTELY NOT! You brothers primary goal in speaking with you, was to convince you that it was all no big deal. Boys will be boys. BULLSHIT! Count how many ways your life was changed for the worse because of his sexual abuse. The damage to you IS
a big deal.
FB, you were the winner in that meeting, not only for having the courage to do it in the first place, but for not letting him excuse himself by claiming it was just 'boyhood experimentation' or because he was 'abused' himself, or because it was 'so long ago'. Flex your muscles, beat your chest, and roar like King Kong. You did it.
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "Joni Mitchell