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#420865 - 01/03/13 06:03 PM Secret Coded Language
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6400
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
I keep coming to the same conclusion, over and over and over again:

We are inconvenient. Like smashed bugs on a windshield, we just ruin the view...annoy...cloud the picture. Try to fix us with the jet-spray windshield thing. We just smear. "Oh fk! This again!!!"

To deal with smashed-bugs, the normals use coded dialogue. Perhaps you've heard some of it?

"I really hope he finds the help he needs" is code for "just keep him away from me, I can't do anything for him and I don't want him around. If he "finds the help he needs," it won't be near me, cuz I can't offer anything."

"hey! call me if you need anything" is code for "please just get away from me right now, I have the kids' basketball to get to."

"I'll be there for you" aka "I'm always here for you" actually means "I'm interested in how you do with this shit, until it costs me too much emotion, stress, time, inconvenience, hair-spray, etc."

You guys hear any good lines of Normal Code?
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#420875 - 01/03/13 07:02 PM Re: Secret Coded Language [Re: Still]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1039
"You need to talk to somebody about it," means "I don't want to hear it." -- I get this from my Dad when I try to talk to him about it.

But I'm trying not to be so cynical about the normals at the moment. Bless their hearts. They don't know no better.

Cant
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#420958 - 01/04/13 09:31 AM Re: Secret Coded Language [Re: Still]
peroperic2009 Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3603
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey bugs smile
I'm sure there are some normals that buzz with us with care and attention, please keep buzzing further till we learn to understand better each other and get needed support.

Pero
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#420976 - 01/04/13 12:40 PM Re: Secret Coded Language [Re: Still]
sentry Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 08/11/12
Posts: 58
Loc: Canada
very Good Still! So true! Why don't they just be honest and say what they really believe instead of pretending to care.

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#420977 - 01/04/13 12:42 PM Re: Secret Coded Language [Re: Still]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1309
Loc: kansas
What about those of us who do say things like that and actually mean it?
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#420980 - 01/04/13 01:18 PM Re: Secret Coded Language [Re: Still]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1401
Loc: California
I'm coming out of hiding/posting to respond to this, because I struggle with making a lot of assumptions about what other people mean when they speak.

How do I know what they're saying is not what they mean? I'm passing a lot of judgment and being rather presumptuous when I assume that someone means something terrible, when in fact, they may be doing the best they know how.

It's an ugly way to experience someone's lack of awareness to pass a judgment on them as if they don't care, when in fact, they may feel simply overwhelmed. Someone can care and mean well, but not know how to provide the support we need.

I experience this with my sponsor; fortunately, he's old enough to be my dad, wise beyond his years, and admits his shortcomings readily. Sometimes he'll say things that don't fit what I feel like I need, but if I pass judgment on what he's saying rather than taking it for what it is, then I completely shut down our interaction between us, and shut off any potential for future understanding and empathy.

I hope that made sense. I'm going back into hiding now.
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#420983 - 01/04/13 01:31 PM Re: Secret Coded Language [Re: Magellan]
sentry Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 08/11/12
Posts: 58
Loc: Canada
Hey Magellan Good to hear from you.
My T is a good guy and I have been lucky to have found him.He is relativly new at CSA issues but he is humble enough to admit that he is on a learning curve and doesn't have all the answers but he is committed to work on it. I value his honesty very much and he earned my respect and trust even though cetain areas we can't get into just yet regarding issues that are critical to me.

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#420988 - 01/04/13 02:13 PM Re: Secret Coded Language [Re: Still]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1309
Loc: kansas
all I know is that if I say to someone

call me anytime if you need something

or

i'll be there for you


I actually mean that...

I've had a few people actually take me up on those offers and I've always followed through... I've had a couple of people call me in the middle of night, i'm sleeping, because they are having trouble with an issue and they needed someone to listen to them.

did I get upset because they woke me up? nope
did I tell them to call me later so I could sleep? nope

what did I do?

I stayed on the line and listened. offered support when they asked for it. did not gripe once.



had another friend of mine come to my door, several years ago, at 3:00am ringing the door bell. I got up answered it. did I get mad at him? nope...

I invited him in because he was having an issue that he was having trouble dealing with. I stayed up for a few hours listening and talking to him until he fell asleep on my couch....


nope, I don't have any secret codes when I say things...

if I say those things... I MEAN THEM.....
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