.

What is it? I probably have some or at least something where I can relate.

I know we are not all the same or have precisely the same story, but If it' was caused, aggravated, distorted, or shorted out by csa, some one here has it too.

I have a lot of triggered dissociative episode at times. My wife says I go away. I sometimes watch what's happening in my head and its a compleat disconet with where I am am and what's realy going on.

I know I am not alone here. Neither are you.

What do you mean by support group?

It can get better

Mike

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Hay Bryan,

Sounds like you realy know the terminology well, and thank for putting a name of some of my experience.

Yea well my hart goes out to you. I know your pain and all of this is real. I have no ansors for you, but I will keep you in my prayers and that you find the help and answers you deserve.

Mike

This kinda stuff scares me, it makes me wonder if maybe I've forgotten about stuff in my past, and how would I ever know if it actually happened? I'm only 20 but it feels like it's very possible I could be affected by this. I really began to worry when I heard my abuser (my cousin) was abused by his step-dad (My uncle), whom I remember being terrified of. (Which I don't even know if that is true, and I'm not about to ask my abuser, let alone speak to him). So what if I was abused by my uncle? I feel like there's some deep dark buried thing in my past, I could be making it up in my mind but it's how I feel. Also, this happened to my aunt. Her husband raped/abused her and her kids and she's just now remembering everything. It's terrifying. My family is just ravaged with CSA history, on both my parent's sides.

I've had this 'big time' but now it's somewhat healed.

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...9563#Post419563

Puffer

PS. I think I'm 85 or 90% healed, but we don't know what we don't know. I still haven't remembered much of what happened when I was 4, and some other stuff I still need to work through. Abuse at a young age is problematic but it can be worked through. Also severe sexual abuse and/or torture is a major obstacle in a person's life and needs to be given some attention.

On one hand this is so compleatly tariffing to think you could think all is well wile being with your past abuser. Yet on the other hand remembering the betrayal of someone so close to you equates to worse then death for the mind. this is one Eft up dilemma. Would EMDR work for this and or help resolve and process the repression. I am in the same boat, I don't want to manufacture something that is not real, yet sometimes I think there's more to the story. My mind works over time to forget the the curent stress of the day. Who knows what it has forgotten in the past. some times feel like I am on a raft in the middle of the ocean and a giant wale is about to swallow me whole.

Thanks for making a place for me.

We can figure this stuff out, you guys are smart and we know how to survive csa

EMDR with a competent therapist is a good method of treatment. When I was having EMDR I also was seeing a therapist who would help me talk through the results of the EMDR. Some people who have had severe abuse sometimes have hypnotherapy. I had light hypnotherapy for awhile and if done properly it doesn't make the client feel threatened. It was very beneficial to me.

Puffer

My EMDR therapist just called and cancelled my appointment for tomorrow because she's sick. I'll have to wait til next week to get started.

LAD, as you know, you and I share this special hell. Fortunately, I have never felt excluded here at MS for having no memory of the abuse. I thought for a long time that I was "less of a survivor" because I didn't have a story, but I ran across old posts that talked about there being "no hierarchy of abuse," and that rang a bell for me, meant that I belonged.

It's funny (maybe "funny" isn't the right word), my most recent T (the man who recommended me to my EMDR T) said something during my intake session with him, something like: "You know, we're told to say that if you don't remember it, it probably didn't happen. But with you, I'm pretty certain something happened."

It was a humorous moment because I laughed at the obviousness of his statement. But it just goes to show you how much professional skepticism there is for what was once called repressed memories and now we're calling dissociative amnesia (DA).

The hesitance among the professional T community to treating DA is, I think, directly connected to the flood of allegations in the 90s related to ritual abuse. There were so many that the FBI concluded that it was mathematically impossible for the thousands of deaths that would have had to occur to support the allegations made by ritual abuse survivors.

The response to this was to conclude that if it was impossible that all these allegations are true, then some of them must be due to "False Memory Syndrome."

Consequently, these days, T's are gun-shy about being labeled a False Memory implanter and shunned from the professional community. It's all very convenient.

That said, I've had good T's all along (minus a few quacks), and I started with one of the best in NYC. He very gently allowed me to come to terms with the idea that I was abused but didn't remember it, and that that was OK.

LAD, I would certainly join any support group for others like us. I don't know if we would have enough to warrant our own message board on MS, but we could start with a group PM or a thread on this forum.

Cant