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#420671 - 01/02/13 04:26 AM Almost 35 and I gotta change
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1537
Loc: New Jersey
In June I will turn 35 and it makes me realize that my life can't remain on hold as it has been for the past 21-22 years. Can't change everything but I can change some stuff. Like my weight, I'm currently 120-130 lbs overweight, I'm 6' and I'm 320-330 lbs (cant tell for sure because my scale stops at 300). Won't be easy because I use it to numb feelings but I'm really trying to stay on track. Though my back of my mind wonders, if I end up doing this now why could I do this before?

Anyway, just wanted to get that out there

Jason
_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#420677 - 01/02/13 08:11 AM Re: Almost 35 and I gotta change [Re: onlyakid]
SamV Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5935
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
Hey Jason,

Welcome to the other side of 30, heh heh. Being overweight, using food to feed your emotions is one of my most difficult coping mechanisms too. Take heart, there is hope but first at least for me I needed to become aware of the emotional overload in each situation before I could calm myself enough to compensate with a couple of slices of pizza and soda versus the whole family size pizza and liters of soda.

I began to feel the emotions, felt the surge and the panic, using a calming breathing, stretching and visualization technique to slow down my chaotic thinking. This helps me to slow the process of climbing up on my coping mechanism of overeating. Then I have to drink water or chew on carrots, salad, fruit and nuts while I am in the grip of the coping mechanism so that the harm of overeating is minimized. Sometimes this helps, other times is off to fins a bag of chips and dip! Finally Jason, don't beat yourself up after an episode, relax and tell yourself that this is a learning experience, this is you maturing, this is okay as long as you are trying to understand how to heal yourself. It's okay.

Depriving oneself, not buying the snacks, fighting the urges all these did NOT work for me. Being my own friend and encouraging slow, really slow, steady change while supporting myself through affirming thoughts and actions is beginning to work.

I recently purchased a weight loss plan that balances the food I do eat with other foods the help burn the calories quicker coupled with eating more often and feeling that support. I have never purchased a plan before so I hope it encourages me to persist and not just to begin again. This time I am in my corner as well as the diet, so we'll see how that goes.

Thanks for the share Jason, you are not alone, but you will have to do this at least part of the time by yourself. Make those times your good and pleasant times by realizing what triggers you into an overeating episode, then come to Ms and share. The life experiences of this group of survivors will support you, giving you practical behavior for you to try out.

You have been successful in the past dealing with coping mechanism, you will be successful with this.
_________________________
My SENSITIVE Difference

"Lets talk about that."

Go Get A Hug: HUG>porn

*When provoked* "Anyone holding back his sayings is possessed of knowledge.” (Proverbs 17:27)"

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#420711 - 01/02/13 02:57 PM Re: Almost 35 and I gotta change [Re: onlyakid]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
Hey Jason
Thanks for your honesty.

Admitting what we struggle with is the biggest start we can make with healing.

Learning to take care of ourselves- physically mentally and spiritually - is the next step- I know I've used food to numb out and avoided a healthy relationship with my body - and now I have to work out often to feel better in a real way that is affirming and sustainable and builds my self esteem.

One day at a time.
_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

“It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#420712 - 01/02/13 03:34 PM Re: Almost 35 and I gotta change [Re: onlyakid]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 997
I'm 36 and overweight, so I guess we're some kind of club?

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#420815 - 01/03/13 09:50 AM Re: Almost 35 and I gotta change [Re: onlyakid]
Shyshark Offline


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 405
Loc: Canada
Hi Jason ...

First things first ...

Try not to beat yourself up with those old, tired admonitions ...

"If I can do it now why couldn't I do it before ?!"
Frankly Jason ... who cares!

Actually Jason ... you should.
Turned around it's saying ...
"If I couldn't do it before what makes me think I can do it now!"

Those are 2 things you absolutely do not need hanging over your head.
Yesterday, Jason ... that was yesterday.

Today is all you should care about.

You haven't told us what your life situation is, or what support system you may already have in place.
These 2 points are critical for your success, and unfortunately are seriously affected by such things as your physical location and the resources available to you, including financial ones.

So may I suggest a good way to start?

Prove to yourself that you are dead serious about it.

Pound that pavement ... bang on those doors ... make phone calls and explore internet resources until you have a headache! ... and most of all ... have a doctor ... and if you can ... a therapist.
Both of those are invaluable sources of what may be available to you in the community where you live.

example : The nurse in my Doctor's office found this site for me.
You never know who or where something of immense value can be found.

Explore anything and everything that is available for you to use ...
because,
doing something like this alone is possible ... but VERY much harder than with people who know how to attack each aspect of your goal ... and to keep you out of harms way. Like hurting yourself or wasting time and effort that are not best suited to your needs ... therefore robbing you of what you need most ... confidence, determination, and a sense of accomplishment leading to actual success.
The more connections you make the better chance you have of finding what you need to address
BOTH your food/weight/exercise issues ... and your abuse.

So ... make that first definitive step ...
go after this with everything you've got ...
and get everything you can from anywhere you can find it ...

to help yourself ...

Good luck Jason.
smile
_________________________
Experience is a brutal teacher.

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#420820 - 01/03/13 10:40 AM Re: Almost 35 and I gotta change [Re: onlyakid]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 550
Change those numbers just a little bit and I could've written that post. Sorry you're in that position but thanks for sharing, helpful to remember others feel the way I do.
_________________________
"As long as the child within is not allowed to become aware of what happened to him or her, a part of his or her emotional life will remain frozen . . . all appeals to love, solidarity, and compassion will be useless."
-- Alice Miller

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#420898 - 01/03/13 11:18 PM Re: Almost 35 and I gotta change [Re: onlyakid]
Ohio Offline


Registered: 06/16/12
Posts: 35
Im 5'9'' and 200 lbs compared to what I weighed which was 150.Gained 50 lbs and it sucks cause thats the only bad habit I have is eating and not working out

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#420906 - 01/04/13 12:22 AM Re: Almost 35 and I gotta change [Re: onlyakid]
SamV Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5935
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
I feel your frustration Ohio. I think you may be trying to focus on a part of the coping mechanism like eating and numbing to attempt to "fix" it. Recovery teaches us that our minds tell us what will be focused on in discovering negative feelings and poor coping mechanisms. Let go of the shame associated with feeling like you are fat, ugly or somehow different than others. Survivors suffer from poor self image, even going so far as to believe it was our looks that singled us out for abuse. It does not and it did not. The feelings of loathing you are experiencing may be about fear of being abused again or a learned trait that perhaps the way one looked caused the abuse.

Sit with these feelings of self loathing.
Write out every feeling.
Share these with MS, local support and your doctor, therapist or group.
As these feelings create resentment or frustration inside you, tell yourself it's okay, you can feel good about yourself no matter what your current size or shape, that you love and cherish you unconditionally.

Recovery themes are about accepting ourselves as prisoners of war and healing from the torment and inhumane suffering. Keep building a new you from the hurt, keep healing.

_________________________
My SENSITIVE Difference

"Lets talk about that."

Go Get A Hug: HUG>porn

*When provoked* "Anyone holding back his sayings is possessed of knowledge.” (Proverbs 17:27)"

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#421084 - 01/05/13 03:37 AM Re: Almost 35 and I gotta change [Re: onlyakid]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1537
Loc: New Jersey
Thanks for all of the posts. I've had setbacks but I'm working on them. Writing things out is a good idea, I never remember how I felt at the time. Sometimes even in the moment I have trouble figuring it out. I've had a full pizza before but not lately. I'm hoping to start seeing a T again soon.
_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


Top
#421169 - 01/05/13 09:27 PM Re: Almost 35 and I gotta change [Re: onlyakid]
seikei Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/06/12
Posts: 94
Your experience resonates with me Jason. Two years ago I lost about 60 pounds. Looked great, felt great, people gave me cheesy compliments (which I suppose is what I was after) But then I ran into a tremendous amount of stress and for all intensive purposes it all went to hell. If you are going to do it Jason, make sure you do it for yourself and not for others. I didn't and now I'm right back where I started. :-/

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