Im so glad you posted. So many of us have had those same feelings of shame, depression and hopelessness, and difficulty with relationships. I hope you are able to find a therapist who can help you sort it out. There is hope for a way out of this.
No, being sexually abused by a man or older boy does not make you gay. But it can distort your sexuality and cause a great deal of confusion. Many of us consider ourselves straight, but also feel sexual attraction to men at times.
You are NORMAL for a survivor of boyhood sexual abuse, and you are not alone here. Keep posting your feelings and experience. And read other's posts too. You'll learn alot and see just how normal you are as a survivor.
Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine.Sheryl Crow