Every day for me is a struggle. Not just Holiday's ,but everyday. Holidays just make it worse. I have a hard time excepting what happened to me.It's hard to explain. Everday gets worse and worse and let alone I can't work and SSI just accepted me.
It's the parts where I don't feel like a normal person is what hurts me the most. I'm socially backward, Can't communicate with my wife at all, The marriage is falling apart. It scares me to death to be thought of having these feelings I have by myself ,but Im so depressed and unhappy I can't show the right kind of love to my wife. It scares me to death to think that I'm gonna be alone for the rest of my life.
I just have a hard time excepting what happened to me, but is also having sex with the perpetrator make you gay in anyway? These are the thoughts I have that Im so embarrased and mostly shamed about.

Hi Ohio,

Im so glad you posted. So many of us have had those same feelings of shame, depression and hopelessness, and difficulty with relationships. I hope you are able to find a therapist who can help you sort it out. There is hope for a way out of this.

No, being sexually abused by a man or older boy does not make you gay. But it can distort your sexuality and cause a great deal of confusion. Many of us consider ourselves straight, but also feel sexual attraction to men at times.

You are NORMAL for a survivor of boyhood sexual abuse, and you are not alone here. Keep posting your feelings and experience. And read other's posts too. You'll learn alot and see just how normal you are as a survivor.

Jude

Yeahh, but im schizoaffective. Which means Im schizophrenic with a mood disorder and having "episodes" as I call them doesn't help. Im severely depressed all the time ,don't talk to anyone, isolate myself from my family and my wife.
It's just so hard for me right now cause I feel like killing myself yet I've attempted four times and haven't succeded. Im just having a real hard time right now is what it is.