Newest Members
lilac, The Wife Of, smusab, whiteflag, North101
12287 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
cyclebreaker (41), monkeybusinessinky (28), Tom Byrnes (55), wind west (30)
Who's Online
4 registered (don64, 3 invisible), 22 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12287 Members
73 Forums
63219 Topics
442062 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#420661 - 01/02/13 01:07 AM Paper Bag
CdnDW Offline


Registered: 08/24/12
Posts: 105
I have loved this song for a long time, but in re-reading the lyrics a few weeks ago, I discovered a new meaning in the song. This song reminds me of my self in the past. To all of you who struggle with codependency like I do, enjoy. May you find awareness and growth.... I also recommend watching the video if you've never seen it.

Fiona Apple, "Paper Bag"

I was staring at the sky, just looking for a star
To pray on, or wish on, or something like that
I was having a sweet fix of a daydream of a boy
Whose reality I knew, was a hopeless to be had
But then the dove of hope began its downward slope
And I believed for a moment that my chances
Were approaching to be grabbed
But as it came down near, so did a weary tear
I thought it was a bird, but it was just a paper bag

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

And I went crazy again today, looking for a strand to climb
Looking for a little hope
Baby said he couldn't stay, wouldn't put his lips to mine,
And a fail to kiss is a fail to cope
I said, 'Honey, I don't feel so good, don't feel justified
Come on put a little love here in my void,' he said
'It's all in your head,' and I said, 'So's everything'
But he didn't get it I thought he was a man
But he was just a little boy

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

Hunger hurts, but I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

Hunger hurts, but I want him so bad, oh it kills
Because I know that I'm a mess that he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold because these hands are just too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving, it works, when it costs too much to love
_________________________
I am not your rolling wheels, I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride, I am the sky
- Audioslave

Top
#420727 - 01/02/13 08:53 PM Re: Paper Bag [Re: CdnDW]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 678
Loc: NJ
Wow, that's a progress check for me. I can't even relate anymore - and I am sure I could have one year ago. Thank you for posting this.

Top
#420734 - 01/02/13 09:50 PM Re: Paper Bag [Re: CdnDW]
CdnDW Offline


Registered: 08/24/12
Posts: 105
Unfortunately I still can Esposa. I hate that I can though. I fight this neediness. I want to be emotionally independent but find it so hard some days. When I posted earlier today I was posting as a place of looking back... Not far back, but looking back. Now, I am staring straight into again tonight. I have been having a really tough time with anxiety and depression over The holidays and today, at his request, I finally opened up about the sadness, loneliness and isolation I have been feeling. I talked of some things that happened between us that triggered me but I owned my feelings and my reactions. I said clearly that I know that I would have rolled with these things better had I not been feeling so raw and had I not created unrealistic expectations for the holidays. He did not hear me. He did not hear my feelings, he only heard my reference to these incidents and talked About how I blame him for feeling bad when he has done nothing wrong. We went round and round and he didnt... maybe couldnt get it. I finally asked to please drop it and let me nurture myself. Then tonight he got up from The dinner table and went to his safe place in the basement and played guitar. Then when it was time to put The kids to bed he said he was going too because he wanted to get up extra early to go to The gym. I asked if he would go later in the morning as I have to work tomorrow but the gym has babysitting and he asked why bother going later just to stay up tonight for nothing. Spending time with me was for nothing. He left me with my isolation and loneliness. I know these are my feelings and I must get past them, but i just need a friend and he ignores that. I just want someone to be there as a loving witness sometimes. Someone who wants to be with me even when i am sad... Not someone who abandons me when i need them most. I am right in the middle of this storm right now and it hurts as bad as the song describes. I am hungry for love and affection and just dont know how to ask for it in a way that he can understand. I know all the reasons why he may be grappling with this, but it doesnt change the fact that I need too. I wish I could just shake myself and get over this, but I am hurting and I am hurting alone and I feel pathetici sitting here alone in my livingroom crying.
_________________________
I am not your rolling wheels, I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride, I am the sky
- Audioslave

Top
#420735 - 01/02/13 09:52 PM Re: Paper Bag [Re: CdnDW]
CdnDW Offline


Registered: 08/24/12
Posts: 105
_________________________
I am not your rolling wheels, I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride, I am the sky
- Audioslave

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.