I have taken time out to just sit with this and be. Thanks to all of you, male and female, who have opened your hearts to give me such wisdom and your thoughts. I've actually printed them out as they have been lovely to mull over and just realise people 'get' this in all its complexity.
I do not know up from down at the moment with his DID. I am trying to gain clarity whilst being in the eye of the storm. The boundaries get blurred between where my responsibility ends and his begins. DID comes with a lot of force in the rage alters. It has been quite something to experience, even whilst learning as much as I can.The horrible things on here made things worse, which is why I didn't return for a while. God knows what is going to happen. Literally.....think only he knows. So I am going one day at a time. And not feeding my fear by listening to the nastiness. Using the measured comments to keep checking in and making sure i'm looking inwards at my drivers and consciousness. What else can I do really?
My partner chose this route, as yours chose his outoflove- and it is part of where they are going. Neither of us can control that. If we do not work out, I will be heartbroken. But I would be grateful we are further along in our respective journeys than we were before we met, and we will carry on learning. I do not own this man, and I do not own his path in this lifetime. I have shared some of it, and the learning and joy and depth of experience has changed me forever.
I think there is plenty of support here for you but you need to allow others their own journey. It may well be different to yours. No one refutes you're having a really shit time. But no one is a winner in this. It is shit all round going through it. It isn't a competition. We ALL do our best, with the awareness we have at any given time. We ALL screw up. I'm sure your halo slips occasionally too. Gaining more awareness just means you're even MORE aware of how much you fu** up
I get massive self doubt, hence my posts in response to the nastiness. At the moment from your posts you seem happy to absorb what feeds your personal story, and refute anyone else's experience that is incongruent with that story.
Outoflove you said - 'the fact that your partners mother and father took in his ex and her child speaks volumes.' So you would choose your son's ex partner over your son? You are so quick to judge without knowing context it is frightening. Things are never black and white- surely you have learnt that from being involved in this journey.
Do not be spiteful to CdnDW. She has a point and I took it with the tone it was meant. It is not highly offensive to everyone on here, it was an offering of an opinion. And yes - sometimes someone is just being an ARSE. I know I am sometimes, when I'm not aware that i'm projecting blame onto another. Aren't you ever an arse to someone outoflove?????? (awaits storm of fire to rain down on me for that comment, it was said tongue in cheek but think humour may get lost on this occasion)
At the end of the day I am not a some scarlet woman (I don't even know what that means tbh, sounds like something my nan would say) I'm a woman, who has done a lot of self work, has a lifetime of self work to go, and who has ended up involved with the most beautiful wonderful brave man I've ever met. Who had this secret that he disclosed to me and I would not change that for ANYTHING. You, outoflove, have been deeply hurt by a survivor acting out and leaving, or maybe he just had to leave to heal. Reflecting your hurt as blame on others does not make you feel any better. There is love and support here for you too. From me also. If you could stop to breathe and allow others their own unique experience.