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#419532 - 12/19/12 08:42 AM Re: Going to 'talk' to my abuser [Re: Farmer Boy]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3621
Loc: South-East Europe
Wow Lee, those are good news.
I'm glad to hear that your half brother was interested for talk and I hope it will be healing experience for both of you.
You have been very brave in your wish to go trough all this, I'm so proud on you smile
Yeah, there were couple important hms that you wrote and that could be problematic during talk. I would be a little bit worried because he didn't go trough counseling for abuse and if there are some terrible unknown facts (for example if he was abused by someone before he went on you, or if that abuser could be some family member etc.) it could be also that some difficult memories for him (or you) could emerge during or after talk with you, so please be ready for anything frown
Maybe you would have couple more meetings with your T before you'll meet your half brother?
Those are my thoughts on all this.
Hang on (((Lee)))
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#419533 - 12/19/12 08:58 AM Re: Going to 'talk' to my abuser [Re: Farmer Boy]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
Thanks again guys for the support

I forgot to say that after my wife let me have it when I got off the phone I spoke to my mother-in-law (who is visiting us at the moment). She WAS AWESOME!!!! She was so happy and encouraging, told me how proud she is of me and said everything I needed to hear as well. It really helped me to reclaim the moment.

HaHaHa....Why can't my wife be more like her mother? laugh
(bet no one has said that before)

BTW - my wife didn't feel the need to tell her mum about my porn habit or addiction to MBing......so obviously I'm still the golden boy!!! Pheww - I need my mother-in-law's support right now. I think she would probably understand anyway. She has a better understanding of the real world than my wife.


Edited by Farmer Boy (12/19/12 03:49 PM)
Edit Reason: add
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#419540 - 12/19/12 10:20 AM Re: Going to 'talk' to my abuser [Re: Farmer Boy]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 755
Loc: Southeast USA
Lee,

That's all great news. Like others have said, the door has been opened, just be ready for HIM to unload a few burdens as well. Always remember that this meeting is for your sake, even if he has a tale to tell. You did say it was for mutual healing...

Women...yes, they are complicated creatures. The "monthly thing" is stil a bit of a mystery to me. I know it is supposed to be worst in the third week. Still, I'm always caught by surprise when my loving wife becomes a shrew during this time. After it passes, she has said before, "How can you stand to be around me when I can't even stand myself?" I just smile at her.

Will
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#419542 - 12/19/12 10:39 AM Re: Going to 'talk' to my abuser [Re: Farmer Boy]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1046
It's crazy when women get jealous of MB'ing and p0rn. I mean, really.

P0rn can certainly be addictive and problematic on all sorts of levels, but as a general thing it's not that big of a deal.

Cant
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#419553 - 12/19/12 01:58 PM Re: Going to 'talk' to my abuser [Re: Farmer Boy]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
Will

The monthly thing in my house is the week before....THE WEEK...and the week after. I guess that is why I only have a week left to get lucky. frown

Can't wait till my daughter starts and there are two of them. laugh

Lee
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#419556 - 12/19/12 02:04 PM Re: Going to 'talk' to my abuser [Re: Farmer Boy]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
Cant

I was thinking of you during all of this. I am so sorry you don't have the same opportunity to find out what you 'can't remember'. I hope I finally get the answers I'm looking for but realise I may never know and can't neccessarily trust what he says anyway.

I do feel very fortunate to be in this situation.

Thanks for being here....REALLY!

Lee
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#419562 - 12/19/12 02:23 PM Re: Going to 'talk' to my abuser [Re: Farmer Boy]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1046
Thanks, Lee.

We're all in this together.

Cant
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#419574 - 12/19/12 04:56 PM * [Re: Farmer Boy]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 01:25 PM)

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#419655 - 12/20/12 02:08 PM Re: Going to 'talk' to my abuser [Re: Farmer Boy]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
I need your help.

I will not be able to meet with my T as Pero suggested to workout a game plan for my meeting. I am not known for my tact.

Any thoughts on how to handle this would be great!!!

One of my good friends pointed out to me if I say the wrong thing and he goes into defensive mode I will not getthe outcome I so greatly desire.

I want him to be accountable for what he did but I don't want to destroy him in the process. I am the better man and I have compassion for him.

Thanks

Lee
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#419674 - 12/20/12 06:23 PM Re: Going to 'talk' to my abuser [Re: Farmer Boy]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 755
Loc: Southeast USA
.
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