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#420444 - 12/30/12 01:08 AM What is the dumbest thing you've been told?
Randy65 Offline


Registered: 04/14/12
Posts: 109
Loc: Jonesboro, Arkansas
I know that some people are trying to help or can just can't handle the CSA once it is revealed. I have had some strange things told to me and wondered if others have experienced the same.

Such as,
Your preacher can fix it.
How did your parents react when they found out?
Did you go to the police?
Are they (the perps) still alive?
Do you remember what they looked like?


These things used to really hurt me to hear, but I hope by sharing it will help others.
Thanks,
Randy
_________________________
My Story of CSA
http://youtu.be/EJIlKCRL_6M

My Story of CSA: The Day God Entered My Heart
http://youtu.be/vpCWEp6u9zM

My Story of CSA: "Flashbacks" (Trigger Caution)
http://youtu.be/xLd5Fe-MxVM



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#420446 - 12/30/12 02:15 AM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3450
Loc: somewhere in Africa
dumbest thing?

"just forget about it and move on..."
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#420447 - 12/30/12 02:21 AM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 916
Loc: New York
Wife: "Does this explain why you don't wear nicer clothes? Because you're trying to keep men from pursuing you?"

She means well, she really means well, and for the most part she does well. But... oy!
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#420450 - 12/30/12 06:30 AM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
"You seem to have a catastrophic fear of destruction"

(The therapist who spent months Ignoring all my PTSD symptoms.)
_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

“It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#420456 - 12/30/12 09:42 AM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
Letourski Offline


Registered: 03/15/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
"You must have liked if you kept going back."

Ex-girlfriend after disclosure.
_________________________
I am the warrior.

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#420465 - 12/30/12 12:51 PM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1390
"If you continue to let your boyfriend do this to you, you'll become a homosexual - if you aren't one already."

... County Social Worker (who I took the city bus to see when I was 16). Yes - she actually said that. And yes - I actually believed her.
_________________________
Eirik




Click my pic to see why I'm here

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#420476 - 12/30/12 04:34 PM * [Re: Randy65]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 01:43 PM)

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#420477 - 12/30/12 04:48 PM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1714
I have heard some great lines, but on the other side I have heard some wonderful words of support--I believe the supporters have outnumbered the negative side.

However the negative comments are hurtful and show the character of those who spoke the words--

"report it and let's get some money from the church"

"no one dissociates from abuse, it is not real"

"do you think I am stupid to believe you were abused"

"your father was the abuser not the priest"

Just a few of the hurtful comments I have heard--yes they are dumb but hurtful.

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#420478 - 12/30/12 04:54 PM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
Jude Online   content


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1558
Loc: New England
"So somebody put his penis in your mouth, so what?!? That was years ago....just get over it"
_________________________
Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine.
Sheryl Crow

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#420495 - 12/30/12 10:48 PM * [Re: KMCINVA]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 01:44 PM)

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#420496 - 12/30/12 11:03 PM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
When trying to explain to my wife how since a small boy I have always felt like a sexual object ....

'So you want me to tell you you're ugly?'
_________________________
More than meets the eye!

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#420499 - 12/30/12 11:14 PM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA

50 years after the abuse, I finally told my mother. She thought briefly, and said: "Well,...you should have told us...Your father would have killed him..."

Sometimes the biggest wounds come from just being shunned without any words at all by your peer group in middle school.

Puffer






Edited by pufferfish (12/31/12 11:23 PM)

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#420503 - 12/31/12 12:08 AM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: pufferfish]
Candu Offline


Registered: 06/30/12
Posts: 312
Loc: Canada
Not told but. This year I went to a men's resource center that has a CSA program. I finally went and said I was there for thier CSA as I had been sexually abused as a child. His eyes lit up like I was a gift from heaven. Not exactly what I expected.

Then after meeting with an intake counselor I was told they will get back to me shortly to setup a schedual for therapy. After not hearing back for a couple of weeks I called and talked to the Therapist/Administrator. He then emailed me with the following.

Quote:
18/06/2012
Thanks for contacting us tonight. Yes you met with J*** V*********. He referred me to you and I will get back to you in a few days regarding when sessions will begin with your therapist.

I'm still am waiting for the planets to align. frown


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#420545 - 12/31/12 06:48 PM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
Tedure Offline


Registered: 04/17/09
Posts: 203
Loc: Utah
"Are you still struggling with that?"
hmmmmmmmm
_________________________
When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change.

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#420548 - 12/31/12 07:55 PM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3450
Loc: somewhere in Africa
"Why do you want to keep thinking about it so much?"

WANT!!!!????
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#420576 - 01/01/13 03:52 AM . [Re: Randy65]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (01/12/13 09:16 PM)

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#420589 - 01/01/13 11:00 AM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
frankie72 Offline


Registered: 11/23/12
Posts: 32
Loc: Australia
"Why don't you just forget about it" is probably the worst I've heard.

"I'm sorry" is another one that annoys the hell out of me. To me it just comes across as trying to be sympathetic without trying to understand, thinking it will fix everything... or maybe I'm just too hard on people.

My abuser: "I'm sorry. I was just curious and experimenting."


Edited by frankie72 (01/01/13 11:51 AM)
Edit Reason: add

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#420591 - 01/01/13 11:37 AM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
Edward2 Offline


Registered: 09/30/12
Posts: 17
Loc: Maryland
"Did you enjoy it?"

"What did it feel like?"

"You must have liked it since you didn't tell anybody."

"That certainly explains alot about you."

"How could an 8 year old have an erection?"

From an uncle [the one person I told]: "Don't tell your parents; it will kill them."

From the uncle: "Lots of people experience things that they don't like. After all, I recently lost my job. But I will just have to find a new one and forget about the old one. You need to do that as well."

From a therapist I went to at 18 [yes, he should have his license revoked]: "If you keep thinking about it, you'll become a homosexual. You need to think about all the good things that you have in your life."

Happy new year!

Ed

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#420616 - 01/01/13 04:06 PM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Edward2]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Some words from psychotherapists:

You were naked, in Colorado? Was it cold?

Before the torture/abuse began, were you already doing oral... on the other boys?

Puffer

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#420617 - 01/01/13 04:27 PM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
seikei Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/06/12
Posts: 94
"Why do they have they to sue the church? If you can't have a relationship, then you have other issues besides being moleasted." - Catholic "Friend" (Notice the scare quotes)

My response: "You know nothing."

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#420619 - 01/01/13 04:42 PM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1342
Loc: kansas
"you need to move on and get over it."

from a fellow survivor.
_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#420634 - 01/01/13 06:52 PM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
mh6893 Offline


Registered: 12/08/10
Posts: 35
Loc: Hong Kong
1) I was with a woman and was having difficulty responding to her advances. She didn't understand. I was a little drunk and blurted out that I was abused as a child (my first disclosure to anyone other than my therapist). Her response: "what a waste."

So that's what I am- a waste? I literally went from being very emotional to feeling absolutely nothing.

2) My current girlfriend (she does not know about my CSA) were discussing her teaching experience and a boy that she had that they were watching close as he had been abusing other kids in the past. She found out that he was a victim of abuse. She then stated, "that's what happens when a boy is sexually abused, he becomes an abuser himself."

Me: "surely not all abused kids turn into abusers themselves?"

Her: "yes, they do. without exception."

Me: "Hmm."
_________________________
Regards -

Jack


My profile photo is me around the time of my experience.


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#420670 - 01/02/13 03:44 AM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
crazy gecko Offline


Registered: 10/04/12
Posts: 309
On a Christian forum, when looking for advice about forgiving my parents and "honoring" them, as per the fifth commandment:
"I think that you need to put the past behind you and look forward to the future with the Lord. At the least you can use it as a learning experience."

Yeah, thanks. I'm holding on to the past on purpose, because I like being miserable. The nightmares and flashbacks have nothing to do with it at all. crazy

From the same thread:
"You must secure your salvation. Bitterness and unforgiveness will send you to the lake of fire."

I no longer frequent that forum...


Edited by crazy gecko (01/02/13 04:29 AM)
_________________________
I guess what I'm trying to say
Is whose life is it anyway because livin'
Living is the best revenge
You can play
-- Def Leppard

My Story, Part 2

My blog

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#420681 - 01/02/13 08:47 AM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Tedure]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1390
Originally Posted By: Tedure
"Are you still struggling with that?"
hmmmmmmmm

I still hear that - from my partner! I can't go to him with any of this. I come here instead. In that sense, you guys know me better than my own "family".
_________________________
Eirik




Click my pic to see why I'm here

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#420688 - 01/02/13 10:08 AM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
unhappycamper Offline


Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 616
Loc: VA
[Psychiatrist, on flashbacks]:

"These things emerge when you're ready to face them."

Yeah, right.

John

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#420697 - 01/02/13 11:14 AM . [Re: crazy gecko]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (01/12/13 08:55 PM)

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#420713 - 01/02/13 03:39 PM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
F.A. Offline


Registered: 09/02/11
Posts: 229
Loc: United States
Just get over it

It doesn't matter anymore it already happened don't think about it forget it.

Why would he do that? what happened to him?

Don't tell anyone else the family won't understand.
_________________________
F.A.

To be sick is to be fragmented. To be healed is to become whole, and to become whole one must be in harmony with family, friends, and nature" -Navajo-
Blog: http://csafresno.blogspot.com
Facebook: http://tinyurl.com/CSAFresno
My Story: http://tinyurl.com/78upvvu

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#420716 - 01/02/13 05:05 PM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
Jude Online   content


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1558
Loc: New England
"Don't all boys experiment?"

Maybe some boys do....BUT MEN AND BOYS DON'T!!!!!
_________________________
Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine.
Sheryl Crow

Top
#420779 - 01/03/13 03:09 AM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
crazy gecko Offline


Registered: 10/04/12
Posts: 309
"I'm sure he was just doing his best. All parents make mistakes".

Right. He raped us, repeatedly, by mistake. Ok then.

"He had a drinking problem. He probably didn't even know what he was doing"

Funny how the vast majority of alcoholics don't go around raping their sons. And then there's little thing about him actually having to be relatively sober, as opposed to black-out drunk, in order to get it up to rape us...

"You should think carefully before you have kids. You might have an urge to abuse them too."

I actually believed that, and took it to heart. That's why I waited till my mid-thirties before I had a kid. I just didn't trust myself before that...


Edited by crazy gecko (01/03/13 03:09 AM)
_________________________
I guess what I'm trying to say
Is whose life is it anyway because livin'
Living is the best revenge
You can play
-- Def Leppard

My Story, Part 2

My blog

Top
#421060 - 01/05/13 12:59 AM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 605
Loc: one foot out the door
not the worst, but the one on my mind right now.

"If you feel guilt, it means you must have done something wrong."
_________________________
"These days I just try to keep to myself,
well aware I've lost touch with everyone else.
I understand that I'm fading away."

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#421063 - 01/05/13 01:14 AM * [Re: Obi]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 01:48 PM)

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#421064 - 01/05/13 01:18 AM * [Re: crazy gecko]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 01:48 PM)

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#421102 - 01/05/13 06:25 AM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
LazyPirate Offline


Registered: 01/03/13
Posts: 106
Loc: Ontario
"This won't hurt a bit".
_________________________
The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression. - Gary Larson

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#421113 - 01/05/13 07:00 AM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
firebird Offline


Registered: 03/29/12
Posts: 26
Loc: the western hemisphere
that my time is worth 5.68 an hour
_________________________
'The flower you love is not in danger...I'll draw you a muzzle for your sheep...I'll draw you a fence for your flower...I' I didn't know what to say. How clumsy I felt! I didn't know how to reach him, where to find him...It's so mysterious, the land of tears.”


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#421125 - 01/05/13 11:30 AM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1342
Loc: kansas
Originally Posted By: Smalltown80sBoy
Originally Posted By: Obi
"you need to move on and get over it."

from a fellow survivor.


Wow - a fellow survivor told you that? I'm sorry.


Yup, needless to say I hardly talk to this person anymore and I definitely don't trust him.
_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

Top
#421132 - 01/05/13 12:41 PM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
cosmos Offline


Registered: 11/12/12
Posts: 184
Loc: Puget Sound
"this will only affect our relationship if you let it"

from the wife
_________________________
"it has never yet been discovered how to make man unknow his knowledge, or unthink his thoughts"

T. Paine

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#421136 - 01/05/13 01:22 PM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: cosmos]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Said by the "counselor" over the section of boy scout summer camp where I was seriously abused:

You better get up off the floor and do what I say before I kick the s*** out of you.

Puffer



Edited by pufferfish (01/06/13 03:56 PM)

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#421218 - 01/06/13 03:26 AM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3450
Loc: somewhere in Africa
"It will make a man out of you." (joining scouts - where i was bullied and abused.)

"some day you'll thank me for this." (that day has NOT come yet!)
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#421271 - 01/06/13 03:52 PM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
I have read that relationship issues like infidelity, cheating and sex outside the relationship are exactly the same as male sexual abuse in children and adults. I read this over and over on different rants.

My mother told me that I did not have to report their physical abuse to the leaders of our church. When I told her, she said that they may have been telling me to "let it go".

My brother told me that he did not remember any abuse, but that he has a short memory. Later that week he disclosed to someone else, who told me.

From a friend, "My brother fought with me, and I grew up just fine, what is the difference?"(from sexual abuse)

From a therapist, "we need to do a workbook about anger management" after I cried on her couch that I hurt and I did not know why.

I actually had another therapist, a male yawn loudly during a disclosure of sexual abuse. First and last visit. I asked him if he needed a coffee.

Wow, they seem bottomless. I like what KMCINVA brought out, the supporters are more than the negatives, I think maturing in recovery create more positive thoughts and actions so we are more internally populated with affirming messages. In looking around, most folks say nothing about what we consider in here, so the negative may be overwhelming when it is commented.
_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#421272 - 01/06/13 04:12 PM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: SamV]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
My father, after I disclosed in a little-boy fashion (I was 10) the abuse which took place in the garage across the street:

He exploded in anger, went around the kitchen table and pulled the folding chair out from under me. I fell on the floor. He picked me up by my ankles and started to bang my head on the kitchen floor. He said:

"You G** D***** little queer. I might as well just kill you right now." He reached in the knife drawer near my feet. My mother said: "Oh..no..don't do that." He dropped me on my head and stomped out of the room. I went and sat, stunned, at the top of the basement stairs.

Later that night, I was in bed. He entered the room, switched on the light, pulled the covers back, ripped my pajama top back, and started beating me with a belt. Slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap. I was crying and hoping the neighbors would hear and intervene (didn't happen). Then he got the broom and said: "I'm going to show you what it feels like......." He ripped my pajama bottoms down. Mother had been watching from the doorway. She intervened: "Oh..no.." He threw down broom and huffed out of the room.

Puffer



Edited by pufferfish (01/06/13 04:20 PM)

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#421284 - 01/06/13 06:22 PM * [Re: Randy65]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 01:53 PM)

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#421303 - 01/06/13 09:32 PM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
jay75 Offline


Registered: 07/23/12
Posts: 145
Here is one for you all. I wouldnt call it dumb but WOW...

Wife: So do you think the CSA caused you to have sexual dreams about men?
Me: I dont know.
Wife: So you do think about other men in a sexual way, right?
Me: Uh um well, Yes.
Wife: Oh thank G-d, ive been wanting to tell you something for years. I think about women when we are intimate, actually thats all I ever think about in a sexual manner. Im glad its not just me!!
Me: HUH??

I love this woman so much!!!!!

Figured I would share, all the other responses I could give are just to upsetting. This is the only one that makes me grin ;-)

-Jay-
_________________________
"Those are not your sins" A wise man

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#421306 - 01/06/13 10:05 PM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
Randy65 Offline


Registered: 04/14/12
Posts: 109
Loc: Jonesboro, Arkansas
You all have been very courageous sharing these. With each one that I read, I am moved and also encouraged to strive on. It is true that only we that have been through this are uniquely bonded for life. I am moved to tears and laughter as I read the quotes. I know that these words have hurt us and at times confused us, but I can honestly say that by hearing this from others is healing to me.
I realize that the many kind words of many can be stained by the harsh words of few. The people that we respected, loved, and sacrificed for, can hurt the most with the smallest amount of words that can never be erased once heard. These my friends are the words that motivate me. I did not cause this to happen to me in anyway and I refuse to give the past words the strength to break me down. I will educate the current word and quote offenders to realize that words do have power, but it's the emotion behind the words that I seek.
Keep posting my brothers and stay strong.
Randy
_________________________
My Story of CSA
http://youtu.be/EJIlKCRL_6M

My Story of CSA: The Day God Entered My Heart
http://youtu.be/vpCWEp6u9zM

My Story of CSA: "Flashbacks" (Trigger Caution)
http://youtu.be/xLd5Fe-MxVM



Top
#421307 - 01/06/13 10:16 PM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
jay75 Offline


Registered: 07/23/12
Posts: 145
@Pufferfish,
I am so sorry your father had that reaction. That was my motivation for never saying a word to my father. I knew for sure I would be to blame. My heart aches for you..

(((((((PUFFERFISH))))))))

-Jay-
_________________________
"Those are not your sins" A wise man

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#421320 - 01/06/13 11:16 PM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: jay75]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Thank you Gary, Jay and Randy and others.

Yeah I'm still emotional about it. It did hurt.

Puffer



Edited by pufferfish (01/06/13 11:19 PM)

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#421340 - 01/07/13 01:19 AM * [Re: Randy65]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 01:55 PM)

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#421407 - 01/07/13 05:13 PM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
LazyPirate Offline


Registered: 01/03/13
Posts: 106
Loc: Ontario
Puffer... Holy crap! That was intense. I feel so bad that something so awful happened after disclosing.
_________________________
The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression. - Gary Larson

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#421631 - 01/09/13 07:00 AM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
A270465 Offline


Registered: 01/04/13
Posts: 49
Loc: SE Mich
dumbest thing i ever heard OF is the "pain scale" of one to 10.
Pull your own molar out with no anesthesia and ask me where i am on the pain scale. F-ing dentist misdrilled it then refused to pull it bc it was a "dangerous extraction".
Pretty dumb thing for a guy licensed as a dentist to say.
Is there an emotional pain scale? how bout a 40 (or minus 40)?
_________________________
BrokenLeg@2 EarCutoff@5 RanOver@7 UnanethesizedSurgeries@8 rapedfrom10to11 Dysfunction&Druguse@12 Crime@13 Dotdotdot Violence Jail@18Escaped Prison@19GladiatorSchool Max@20 Supermax@21 HellEnsues THROWNbacktothestreets@26 MarriedWKids@28 HeardofCptsd@33
Seeking help
And the days tick by all the same

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#421632 - 01/09/13 07:01 AM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
A270465 Offline


Registered: 01/04/13
Posts: 49
Loc: SE Mich
Another:
"We should just start swinging with strangers"
from a woman that wanted to witness M on M sex at my expense.
_________________________
BrokenLeg@2 EarCutoff@5 RanOver@7 UnanethesizedSurgeries@8 rapedfrom10to11 Dysfunction&Druguse@12 Crime@13 Dotdotdot Violence Jail@18Escaped Prison@19GladiatorSchool Max@20 Supermax@21 HellEnsues THROWNbacktothestreets@26 MarriedWKids@28 HeardofCptsd@33
Seeking help
And the days tick by all the same

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#421670 - 01/09/13 06:39 PM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
Publius Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 396
Loc: OH
From my doctor after I broke down in his office crying and explained my situation to him.

"I really think you should bury this because this is the kind of thing that can hold you back if you let it."

He wasn't trying to be a jerk at all but genuinely seemed to think that was the best course of action. Although I had not begun therapy yet I had read a few books already and knew intellectually that was the worst thing to tell a survivor. Didn't matter though because emotionally it still upset me to hear someone say it. Also made me wonder what he had buried.


Edited by Publius (01/09/13 06:42 PM)
_________________________
"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

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#421784 - 01/10/13 02:30 PM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
Robert1000 Offline


Registered: 06/27/12
Posts: 336
From abuser:

This will be fun.

Also,

This is what people do.

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#421808 - 01/10/13 08:40 PM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3450
Loc: somewhere in Africa
"time heals all wounds..."
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As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#436323 - 05/30/13 02:55 PM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 605
Loc: one foot out the door
Hey guys, did you know have outdated information in school textbooks is "the worst form of child abuse known!" ???

LOL, that's what someone on facebook posted.

I set her straight. Nicely and clearly, and in the end she agreed that she had misspoken.

I didn't tell her that despite her apology, I still think she's an idiot for saying something that dumb in the first place.

People seem to forget that no matter how worthy their own causes, exaggerating the issue like that is demeaning for people to whom child abuse is not just an abstract term.
_________________________
"These days I just try to keep to myself,
well aware I've lost touch with everyone else.
I understand that I'm fading away."

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#436325 - 05/30/13 03:27 PM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 428
Loc: USA
From the perps: You were made for this and nothing more.
From the Enemy: God will never accept you because of what you did.

Both were absolute and total lies, and I know now they are not true.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#436326 - 05/30/13 03:55 PM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
"... now you know how a woman feels..."
...said to male survivor of both child and adult rape .... by the counselor.
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#436332 - 05/30/13 04:23 PM Re: What is the dumbest thing you've been told? [Re: Randy65]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 03:42 PM)

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