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#420386 - 12/29/12 12:29 PM I want to die
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1363
Loc: California
That is all.
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

-- I must remind myself that sugar is my enemy. I can't control my sugar consumption and sugar makes me mentally unstable. I'm reminding myself (because I forgot again).

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#420391 - 12/29/12 01:40 PM Re: I want to die [Re: Magellan]
frankie72 Offline


Registered: 11/23/12
Posts: 22
Loc: Australia
What's happened to bring these feeling on again Magellan?

Last I knew, you were making vast improvements after seeing your latest therapist and getting treatment.

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#420392 - 12/29/12 01:49 PM Re: I want to die [Re: Magellan]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1363
Loc: California
Yup. But nothing changes.
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

-- I must remind myself that sugar is my enemy. I can't control my sugar consumption and sugar makes me mentally unstable. I'm reminding myself (because I forgot again).

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#420395 - 12/29/12 02:05 PM Re: I want to die [Re: Magellan]
frankie72 Offline


Registered: 11/23/12
Posts: 22
Loc: Australia
I can relate to that. I was on anti-depressants years ago whilst going through therapy. Other than making things a little calmer, I feel like it made me a worse person due to the lack of inhabitions.

As for wanting to die though, it's also a common thought I have. I've just managed to create my own set of values and principles for reasons why I won't go though with the act of causing it.

I can't say what those values should be for you, as we all have different situations in life we face. Just try and find those things you enjoy in life, no matter how small and think of those. It just needs to be something important to you, no matter what it is, to try and get you past that feeling.

It doesn't necessarily fix the feeling, but it helps to move past it.

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#420402 - 12/29/12 03:07 PM Re: I want to die [Re: Magellan]
SmartShadow Offline


Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 134
Loc: Washington State
Hay Megellan,

I went through years of fealing I would be better off if I could just stop all of the effort it took to keep going. Life was such a burden and it just keeped comming.
Day after day I felt so heavy and down, my sexual addiction was so out of control and I felt so worthless. I was exhausted and depressed. My focus turned to wanting it all to end, the pain and struggle and suffering. It seamed like death was the only way it would stop. It seamed like an ansor to my problems at the time. I though about the pain it would cause others, I though about God and eternity. Heaven and Hell or the Void. The unknown was a problem for me. I actually was afraid that the unknown might be worse.

I came to believe that it could not get any worse for me on earth and that giving myself time to see if it would get better couldn't hurt me any more then I already hurt. I think I had reached my limit of emotional hurt and more hurt was just running off.

After that for some reason things did start to get better for me. I don't know if I could have seen this at the time, but today I am light years away from those dark days and years. I am glad I held off.

I changed my focus from how am I going to make it stop to how am I going to get help. I had to come to terms with a lot of crap. Addiction, Gender idenity issues, self hatred, self betrayal , self abuse. I had realy turned agensed myself instead of my problems.

I wished I had this forum back then. Wow now iam crying. The work i am doing on this forum is breaking apart the walls of isolation inside of me.

Hay Megellan, thanks for your post it matters.
Post what you can when you can and take care,

Mike

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#420411 - 12/29/12 05:26 PM * [Re: Magellan]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 01:41 PM)

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#420414 - 12/29/12 07:03 PM Re: I want to die [Re: Magellan]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1363
Loc: California
I've spent MOST of my life wanting to die, with a few interludes of spontaneous hope, only to be dashed and crushed by disappointments.

_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

-- I must remind myself that sugar is my enemy. I can't control my sugar consumption and sugar makes me mentally unstable. I'm reminding myself (because I forgot again).

Top
#420422 - 12/29/12 08:27 PM Re: I want to die [Re: Magellan]
SmartShadow Offline


Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 134
Loc: Washington State
Hay Magellan, thanks for the post and the added information. So sorry to here how you have wanted to die most of your life. That must be an ongoing discouragement to feal that way. I wonder if you would be willing to share what the "few times of hope were about?

I will check back later.

Take Care,

Mike

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#420424 - 12/29/12 08:32 PM Re: I want to die [Re: Magellan]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 915
Loc: New York
Said it before, wasn't being glib, and still am not now:

Have you considered a puppy?

Unconditional love; focusing responsibility; and a good way to meet people.


Edited by SoccerStar (12/29/12 08:44 PM)
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#420425 - 12/29/12 08:56 PM * [Re: Magellan]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 01:42 PM)

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