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#395649 - 04/30/12 10:08 PM Re: Homophobia Is Close to Home [Re: prisonerID]
EdfromNYC Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/10
Posts: 233
Loc: New York City
Its actually not sarcasm.

I will say this directly - you write about being avoiding discussing things like this and then you add your perspective anyway. Since I disagree with you, you sense sarcasm but it isn't there. You can accept that or not.

I chose the word "arbiter" precisely. I disagree that you get to say what gay is or isn't. If you sense sarcasm, that's not me. I'm very serious when I write that.

I keep saying I'm not the expert but since I disagree and write my perspective, somehow my writing of my perspective/opinion is me being an expert?

No, I have my experience and that of other men that I know. That doesn't make me an expert - just experienced in my experience.

And SSA is not due to CSA. I'm part of a group of men, hundreds, for a couple of years, dealing with SSA and a very small minority have been sexually abused. Men dealing with SSA is not CSA related (this is based on actual polling of the men involved). Its good men who are doing this, just like on here.

I'm not disrespectful. I'm honest and I disagree with you. I don't disrespect your opinion but I don't agree with it.

Its difficult to discuss things with someone like me because I don't see things the way you do and my guess is that's hard for you. That's all. Chances are good I probably won't see things your way so I would recommend not discussing this with me because you're going to tell me I'm disrespectful and sarcastic even if I'm not.

This topic makes people read into posts like no other.
_________________________
And more, much more, the heart may feel,
Than the pen may write or the lip reveal.
Winthrop Mackworth Praed

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#395651 - 04/30/12 10:11 PM Re: Homophobia Is Close to Home [Re: EdfromNYC]
nevragan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/22/08
Posts: 907
Loc: NC
Let's all get together for a BIG group hug!

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#395653 - 04/30/12 10:26 PM Re: Homophobia Is Close to Home [Re: 1lifenow]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
Ed,

Come to me and not at me and I can discuss anything with you. You came at me and therefore I am not receptive to you. It is not based on your opinions but on your approach. Now you talk to me calmly but did not before. That is what I based my response to you on. I do regret my own taking of the low road though. I should not have done that in responding back to you the last time. But that is all I regret in my dealings with you.

Andy,

Thanks but no thanks. But nice try. smile

I am done. As I shared with Andy tonight did show me something that I am quite grateful for though.

Take care all.


Daryl
_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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#395695 - 05/01/12 08:52 AM Re: Homophobia Is Close to Home [Re: prisonerID]
EdfromNYC Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/10
Posts: 233
Loc: New York City
Prisoner

I've had this same situation play out with you before.

When someone writes something declarative like
Quote:
Gay is gay folks. Period and all that there is.
well, that's not someone who is really open to conversation especially if you've read all the posts up to this point in the thread, IMO.

I will say that I reacted. I didn't attack, I reacted. There's a difference. Some reactions are stronger than others and that's where people think its personal attacks on them rather than disagreement with a concept that has been written and posted. I can attack your concept with counterpoints without attacking you. I think its hard to feel that difference or to write about a topic like this dispassionately. I think that is where a lot of "hurt" seems to occur.

I've worked a lot of stuff out on this board on this topic and I've seen other members do the same and then go back to old positions and then grow again and so on and so forth. Sexuality and orientation, in the arena of CSA or in general, is a hot button issue.

I will add my voice when I want regardless of whether anyone agrees with me or not or makes baseless accusations. I'm sensitive but not overly so and not to the point that I will stay quiet to ensure others' "safety" while negating my experience. I did enough of that in my life (but this is in no way equivalent to being quiet about having suffered sexual abuse).

No regrets here and no group hug needed. This board can handle all of us regardless of whether we agree on this or not.




Edited by EdfromNYC (05/01/12 10:00 AM)
_________________________
And more, much more, the heart may feel,
Than the pen may write or the lip reveal.
Winthrop Mackworth Praed

Top
#395716 - 05/01/12 12:23 PM Re: Homophobia Is Close to Home [Re: 1lifenow]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
Sigh...
_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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#395722 - 05/01/12 01:12 PM Re: Homophobia Is Close to Home [Re: prisonerID]
EdfromNYC Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/10
Posts: 233
Loc: New York City
Whatever that means...

You chose to get involved and feel put out.

I've seen it before and will hopefully not see it again or at least I'll see it coming next time.


Edited by EdfromNYC (05/01/12 01:14 PM)
_________________________
And more, much more, the heart may feel,
Than the pen may write or the lip reveal.
Winthrop Mackworth Praed

Top
#395724 - 05/01/12 01:13 PM Re: Homophobia Is Close to Home [Re: 1lifenow]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3610
Loc: South-East Europe
To make some constructive addition, I've never heard about SSA till 6 months ago. And when I've found it that was eureka moment for me. I recognized myself completely.
My own identical twin bro with almost same experience, completely same DNA and same environment find himself as part of gay community. Evidently we humans are very heterogeneous species and simple approach is not possible in these matters.

Regarding communication here, when I'm dragged in some situations bursting with some heavy emotions I have to look back trying to understand myself. Obviously some things have provoked me and there should be reason for that. Sometimes I'm successful to see clear picture connecting all in it and sometimes I'm not. I'm many times limited with my own experience, mixed feelings and short temper. Accepting my own limitation is very hard fight without end.
I just want to say that only by some self reflection I can go further from some point. It is not external but rather some inner conflict that brings my emotions out. Same is with homophobia, SSA, orientation and all other "hot" issues...
Pero
_________________________
My story

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#395738 - 05/01/12 04:02 PM Re: Homophobia Is Close to Home [Re: 1lifenow]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
Pero,

You make some good points here. I used to find myself very much emotionally drawn into these discussions. After some looking inside myself I saw why that was so. Now I am more at peace with myself and can simply let it be. That is the meaning behind my "sigh" instead of what someone might project upon it.


Daryl
_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

Top
#395739 - 05/01/12 04:55 PM Re: Homophobia Is Close to Home [Re: peroperic2009]
EdfromNYC Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/10
Posts: 233
Loc: New York City
Quote:
My own identical twin bro with almost same experience, completely same DNA and same environment find himself as part of gay community. Evidently we humans are very heterogeneous species and simple approach is not possible in these matters.


I agree its not simple and not black and white.

I'm glad that SSA clicked for you. It did for me too a few years back. I know that feeling of identification with naming feelings SSA.
_________________________
And more, much more, the heart may feel,
Than the pen may write or the lip reveal.
Winthrop Mackworth Praed

Top
#395740 - 05/01/12 05:04 PM Re: Homophobia Is Close to Home [Re: prisonerID]
EdfromNYC Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/10
Posts: 233
Loc: New York City
I just wanted to know why you wrote "sigh". Now I know.
_________________________
And more, much more, the heart may feel,
Than the pen may write or the lip reveal.
Winthrop Mackworth Praed

Top
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