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#420232 - 12/27/12 01:13 PM Unlovable
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1363
Loc: California
Is it unreasonable to believe that I am unlovable because nobody has ever loved me?

Because this is the sad truth of my life. People might find me initially sexy and appealing, but 100% of them, after they get to know WHO I am, bail. They leave, and I'm no longer sexy anymore. Do I have bad breath? is it my crossed eyes? Is it because my hearing is fucked up? Is it because I'm a social misfit? Is it all of these things (It's a *lot* of baggage).

Happened again this year, and this was EXTREMELY painful. I love him madly, and he initially really got into me, but once he found out who I am (with all my issues), he backed off, and is now being polite and acting like a platonic friend. Yesterday he started giving off signals that he was desiring to back off even from our friendship.

I guess I'm not a good friend to have. I'm undesirable. Maybe I'm a self centered asshole. I'm too focused on my own issues to provide any meaningful or humorous company that inspires and creates desire for more. It never happens.

I'm so fucking lonely, and so fucking tired of sleeping alone in my bed and coming home to an empty house. The closest I came to having a companion was a good 'fuck buddy' that I couldn't trust (he had a tendency to lie).

So, how is it inaccurate to believe that I am unlovable when I look at all the lost opportunities for love due to the fact that the other person always bails once they start getting to know me? I'm the common denominator in all of this, and it has to be me (I'm not blaming anyone else, I'm taking responsibility).

D
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

-- I must remind myself that sugar is my enemy. I can't control my sugar consumption and sugar makes me mentally unstable. I'm reminding myself (because I forgot again).

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#420240 - 12/27/12 02:08 PM Re: Unlovable [Re: Magellan]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1363
Loc: California
And if someone tells me I have to learn how to love myself before someone else can love me, I'm going to scream.

1. I know dozens of people who don't love themselves that are in relationships (some of them long term).

2. I've been "loving" myself for years. I buy myself hearing aids so I can hear, pay my bills, eat healthy, exercise, see a therapist, seek recovery, buy glasses so I can address my vision issues, and so much more. These are all acts of love.

After all these years of being alive, I know the most important thing in life is love. Nothing else matters.
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

-- I must remind myself that sugar is my enemy. I can't control my sugar consumption and sugar makes me mentally unstable. I'm reminding myself (because I forgot again).

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#420242 - 12/27/12 03:24 PM * [Re: Magellan]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 01:38 PM)

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#420245 - 12/27/12 03:49 PM Re: Unlovable [Re: Magellan]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1363
Loc: California
Nobody on my end.

You (and everyone else) appears to be blessed.

I'm starting to become convinced that I'm just an asshole and don't know it or something.

I seriously don't get it.
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

-- I must remind myself that sugar is my enemy. I can't control my sugar consumption and sugar makes me mentally unstable. I'm reminding myself (because I forgot again).

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#420248 - 12/27/12 05:51 PM Re: Unlovable [Re: Magellan]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6317
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
Originally Posted By: Magellan
1. I know dozens of people who don't love themselves ...


Sorry to point the light over here, but I honestly have no idea what not hating myself is about. I can remember liking life enough to skip, sing, smile and enjoy everything, but that ended fully after I used the knife.

From then-on, all I know is self hate.

I admire anyone who can get to "self love," but I truly don't know what that is.
_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

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#420251 - 12/27/12 06:25 PM Re: Unlovable [Re: Magellan]
Candu Offline


Registered: 06/30/12
Posts: 312
Loc: Canada
Quote:
I admire anyone who can get to "self love," but I truly don't know what that is.

I don't understand either. But I have been in a dark place for so long I can't remember what being out of it was like.

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#420252 - 12/27/12 06:53 PM Re: Unlovable [Re: Magellan]
little big man Offline


Registered: 06/19/10
Posts: 106
Loc: nevada
I understand. I was treated like shit by my parents and relitives so I became brainwashed to firmly believe i am shit. I do alot to get better, work on myself. I know I have to be with another who also works on herself. I stay away from shallow people. Being cared about is not a familiar feeling for me. Have not had it, trusted it. Have a friend now who does care and cries when i tell about my childhood. Strange to me to be cared about.

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#420253 - 12/27/12 06:59 PM Re: Unlovable [Re: Magellan]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1248
Loc: kansas
Originally Posted By: Magellan
Nobody on my end.

You (and everyone else) appears to be blessed.

I'm starting to become convinced that I'm just an asshole and don't know it or something.

I seriously don't get it.



I don't understand it either.... when you figure it out, please let me know..... i'm not worthy of anything.
_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#420255 - 12/27/12 07:16 PM Re: Unlovable [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6317
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
Originally Posted By: Smalltown80sBoy
This one guy I was with, after we broke up, told me that he found somebody that didn't have issues, which was a dig at me.
WTF!!!

After him, I don't know how you (anyone) ever try again.
After that I don't know why.

I've been told to try meetup.com just to not be a hermit, but the Hermitage is a safe place and has safe people.

Again, I'm sorry if I'm too tangential or off-topic.
_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

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#420257 - 12/27/12 08:51 PM Re: Unlovable [Re: Magellan]
genedebs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/12
Posts: 262
Loc: MO
Dear Magellan

First it is totally nuts (derogatory, self defeating)to think you are unloveable. It is one of the lies that we fall back on. Just like we are damaged goods, or not good enough, or worthless.

We have been taught to own our failure to be protected, our failure to "get over it", our failure to overcome the obstacles, mostly so that people who are our caregivers camn avoid their blame and guilt.

What you have described as proof of mself love are actually proof of self care. That is very important, many of us struggle with performing to tasks of self care. The more of your own self care nthat you take care of the lower your maintence requirements.

So, they don't love you. Kinsey said that unstable relationships are the only relationships that homosexuals are capable. Don't know if that is true, or even worthwhile considering. The idea of romantic love is thought by many to be an expression of loving the image of love, not a trrue expression of a connection with another person.
Love is also thought to be a solution to our own instability and saddness. (Sadness shared is half relieved). I know that while I was experience love with my now friend but no longer a member of a couple with me, I was assessed with the Beck inventory. This is a measure of the level of depression. My score was the lowest I ever achieved (Low is good). My score is usually indicative of the level of depression experienced by someone who just lost their job.

So I suggest that you may expect too much from love. I was married in 1969, we had 4 kids. After 15 years shew primarily saw me as the father of her children. She rarely expressed affection much less love. However, after another 10 years and my getting sober she threw me out of the house. Now, I should be greatfu;l that I had 15 good years. Except when she through me out of the house she basically indicated she couldn't remember the first 10 years of our lifwe together.

I am suggesting the are all kinds of people and opportunities for relationships. Some are more stable than others. Some will be wonderful, others will be difficult. I know I can put too much on the other person in the relastioinship. This will always drive them away. But if I am too needy, need to be reassured ands reassuring them of the wonder of our relationship, this will alsao chase them away.

Unfortunately, a stable intimate, mutually satisfying relationship is a rare experience. I hope you find it, but it is a rare experience not an indication of unlovability

All I can do is share my experience. I hope it helps


Edited by genedebs (12/27/12 08:52 PM)

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#420259 - 12/27/12 09:47 PM * [Re: genedebs]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 01:38 PM)

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#420260 - 12/27/12 09:51 PM * [Re: Still]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
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Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 01:38 PM)

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#420276 - 12/28/12 12:34 AM Re: Unlovable [Re: genedebs]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1363
Loc: California
hi genedebs,

Thank you for sharing your experience. I know I sound like a kid when I opine for 'romantic love'. Part of it is a crazy desire to have an experience that most people who walk this planet actually get to have. I've never had it.

I also know that "falling in love" always results in "falling OUT of love" with the same person, and then the real work of the relationship begins (and when most relationships end).

I also know that genuine love for another person is pretty much selfless and unconditional, and takes a great deal of patience, compassion, forgiveness, empathy, support, understanding, and is extraordinarily difficult. And I know that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. It doesn't exist.

What I would give to just have 1 experience of a relationship, whether it be a romantic love (temporary), or true love (temporary). I'm well aware of the failure of relationships and divorce rates. Most of the people I know have broken up with the person they thought they would spend their lives with. I know the pain (vicariously). I'm sorry you had to go through it.

And I envy you for the experience nonetheless. At least you met someone and had the experience of being absolutely thrilled that someone was willing to commit themselves to you. How affirming that must have been, and what a wonderful period of time you experienced together while you were still under the influence of romantic love. People take this for granted, and then lament it when its over. But the fact is, these experiences are what makes us human.

What I would give to just have 1 experience of mutual love. I came *this* close but blew it because as I said earlier, he discovered how much baggage I have, and bailed out just like every other person I've met.

And yes, there are stable gay relationships. I live in San Francisco, and I know a couple of couples who have been together for 30+ years. Their secret? They're best friends.

D

Originally Posted By: genedebs
Dear Magellan

First it is totally nuts (derogatory, self defeating)to think you are unloveable. It is one of the lies that we fall back on. Just like we are damaged goods, or not good enough, or worthless.

We have been taught to own our failure to be protected, our failure to "get over it", our failure to overcome the obstacles, mostly so that people who are our caregivers camn avoid their blame and guilt.

What you have described as proof of mself love are actually proof of self care. That is very important, many of us struggle with performing to tasks of self care. The more of your own self care nthat you take care of the lower your maintence requirements.

So, they don't love you. Kinsey said that unstable relationships are the only relationships that homosexuals are capable. Don't know if that is true, or even worthwhile considering. The idea of romantic love is thought by many to be an expression of loving the image of love, not a trrue expression of a connection with another person.
Love is also thought to be a solution to our own instability and saddness. (Sadness shared is half relieved). I know that while I was experience love with my now friend but no longer a member of a couple with me, I was assessed with the Beck inventory. This is a measure of the level of depression. My score was the lowest I ever achieved (Low is good). My score is usually indicative of the level of depression experienced by someone who just lost their job.

So I suggest that you may expect too much from love. I was married in 1969, we had 4 kids. After 15 years shew primarily saw me as the father of her children. She rarely expressed affection much less love. However, after another 10 years and my getting sober she threw me out of the house. Now, I should be grateful that I had 15 good years. Except when she through me out of the house she basically indicated she couldn't remember the first 10 years of our lifwe together.

I am suggesting the are all kinds of people and opportunities for relationships. Some are more stable than others. Some will be wonderful, others will be difficult. I know I can put too much on the other person in the relastioinship. This will always drive them away. But if I am too needy, need to be reassured ands reassuring them of the wonder of our relationship, this will alsao chase them away.

Unfortunately, a stable intimate, mutually satisfying relationship is a rare experience. I hope you find it, but it is a rare experience not an indication of unlovability

All I can do is share my experience. I hope it helps
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

-- I must remind myself that sugar is my enemy. I can't control my sugar consumption and sugar makes me mentally unstable. I'm reminding myself (because I forgot again).

Top
#420297 - 12/28/12 08:43 AM Re: Unlovable [Re: Magellan]
genedebs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/12
Posts: 262
Loc: MO
My brother's first wife has been in a committed relationship with her partner for about 33 years. I know that same sex relationships can be stable. However, the data is clear they are less likely to be stable than other arrangements. That wasn't the point.

I was trying to suggest that even romantic love can be less than we hope it to be. And, yes you will find a relationship that is everything you are blooking for even though as you say falling in love will result in falling out of love. That is an important perspective that I didn't know you had. You sound much better in your response than in your original post.

May God be with you in your search.

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#420298 - 12/28/12 08:45 AM Re: Unlovable [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
genedebs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/12
Posts: 262
Loc: MO
Well, you get to live your life with a lot of downs along the way. THat is one of the aspects of our being CSA survivors.

Thanks for your kind words

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#420308 - 12/28/12 01:13 PM Re: Unlovable [Re: Magellan]
jbodean Offline


Registered: 01/20/11
Posts: 9
Magellan,

I wholehartedly agree with what genedebs said: to consider ourselves unlovable is to fall back on the lies that we've been told and sometimes continue to tell ourselves. From my own experience, in between beatings my father would say to me: you are worthless, ugly, and stupid. When you're a kid and this comes from a parent, you start to believe it. It's a lie. So is the thought that you are 'damaged goods' and that makes you unloveable. I once thought that way about myself and now I think: screw that.

When I first came out, I didn't know what I wanted, but I knew that I longed to be in a relationship. I wanted intimacy and to experience romantic love. I was so focused on my desire to find 'true love' that when I did enter into a relationship, I ignored some very important things so I could make it work. What I ended up finding was someone like my father: detached, emotional and verbally abusive, unfaithful, and dishonest. All the time I thought: 'If I can't make this relationship work then, I'm unlovable. A failure.' It took me 5 years to get up the courage to leave this man.

The relationship was toxic. It wasn't what I needed or deserved. I was willing to commit all of my energey into a relationship where I was getting very little of what I needed in return. It wasn't healthy and what I was doing was continuing the cycle of abuse as an adult. The thing that changed for me was that I was no longer willing to sacrifice what I truly desired in order to be in a relationship: mutual respect, honesty, and love.

It is possible to find those things in a relationship. I have those things now. I've been with my partner for over 12 years. The thing is, I'm not going to settle for someone where my needs are not being met. I deserve someone better. He knows all about my abuse and faults and he still sticks around. You can be loved. I'm not going to be a cliche and tell you to love yourself. But, imagine what your life could be like if you spent as much energy building yourself up as you do tearing yourself down? Next time you find yourself saying you're unloveable, try to come up with a reason why you can be loved. You've already stated one: you're attractive. Don't let the negative shit convince you of the lies we've been told.

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#420385 - 12/29/12 12:20 PM Re: Unlovable [Re: Magellan]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1363
Loc: California
Thank you for your thoughtful reply, jbodean,

Mind if I ask you something - when you first entered into that relationship that you described as toxic, how was it? While you 'ignored' some warning signs, I imagine you had a wonderful time? Did you fall in love? How long did the amazing time feeling completely connected to another human being last?

What is that like? Really, seriously. What is that like?

I have never connected completely with another human being, ever. Even dysfunctionally, or even in a toxic relationship, or even ever.

This is what this whole pain in the ass is for me. Everyone has advice to give me, but seems to ignore that I can't even MEET that person to begin with!

I have no fucking clue what the experience is like. None.

And as a result, a huge huge part of me lies dormant, comatose, unrealized, unactualized, and dying. I'm a 41 year old man who has no clue what it is like to 'fall in love', or to be in a relationship.

I've never had a spontaneous 'first kiss' with someone I really liked.

I've never been on a vacation with a boyfriend/lover.

I've never traveled with a boyfriend/lover.

I've never spent a holiday with a lover.

I've never even fucking held hands with someone! I've never experienced the excitement and vulnerability that must come with that first touch.

Can you understand my point?

So while I acknowledge you say your relationship was toxic, and you ignored warning signs, I need you and others to acknowledge that I have never had some very basic experiences that the rest of you appear to be taking for granted.

This brings me so much pain and so much grief and so much loss. I am coming to recognize how much of MYSELF I lose because I've never had this experience. It hurts so god damn much. I'm terrified that I will never know what it is to be fully human, and that I'll always be a loner, and the most significant relationship I'll ever have on this planet is with a fucking dog. This is pathetic.

People keep saying "I just haven't met the right person" - I live in fucking San Francisco, the gay mecca of the universe. Everyone else has "met someone", and has had relationships, but no ... not me. And I know I'm the common denominator in all this.

So I have to start making assumptions about ME. Because *I* am the common denominator in all this failure. There is something unlovable about me, because I swear I've met thousands of guys here, and nothing has worked out. NOTHING. And I am literally the only person *I* know that has never had a boyfriend. I am literally the ONLY ONE I KNOW (and I know thousands).

Oh, right. Just continue working my program of recovery and keep on taking care of myself (like I've been doing all my fucking life). There is no pleasure in taking care of myself all the time. It just makes for a lonely and miserable existence.
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

-- I must remind myself that sugar is my enemy. I can't control my sugar consumption and sugar makes me mentally unstable. I'm reminding myself (because I forgot again).

Top
#420389 - 12/29/12 12:42 PM Re: Unlovable [Re: Magellan]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1248
Loc: kansas
Magellan.

I get it.

just change boyfriend to girlfriend, change 41 to 42 here in a month and you have completely written out my life.

i'm so friggin' pathetic that I don't even have the dog....
_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#420390 - 12/29/12 01:36 PM Re: Unlovable [Re: Magellan]
frankie72 Offline


Registered: 11/23/12
Posts: 22
Loc: Australia
Magellan,

I totally understand where you are coming from. It just seems to be a Catch 22 situation, where when you trust and love someone enough to open up, they desert you. If you stay quiet, they never understand why you act the way you do, or feel the way you feel.

Long story short, I'm in a crappy marriage with one child. I've never told my wife about my CSA, and likely never will. Honestly, I don't know if I can trust her with it after past experiences. Looking back, I think the only reason I did get married was in order to do what was expected of me and try and fit in.

Recently, I ended up having an affair which was supposed to be meaningless. Turns out I ended up getting emotionally attached, and actually trusted her. It's extremely rare for me to actually feel like that around anyone. Things seemed to be great until I opened up to her. Communication went to crap after that, going from friends, and after talking tonight, it looks like she is even wanting to nullify the friendship as well.

It seems any time I find someone who I can be comfortable with and share my past so they understand me ends up leaving. I'm not sure if it is because they are disgusted, shocked, unable to comprehend what happened, or the inability to want to have to deal with it.

Like you, I would really love to find someone who can accept me for who and what I am. I'm sick of all the lies and excuses I have to make up to cover my moods. I'm sick of having to pretend I am happy and normal. I just want to be accepted and understood by someone I can be honest with.

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#420397 - 12/29/12 02:13 PM Re: Unlovable [Re: Magellan]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1363
Loc: California
Thank you for your honesty.
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

-- I must remind myself that sugar is my enemy. I can't control my sugar consumption and sugar makes me mentally unstable. I'm reminding myself (because I forgot again).

Top
#420457 - 12/30/12 10:10 AM Re: Unlovable [Re: Magellan]
jbodean Offline


Registered: 01/20/11
Posts: 9
Magellan,

I ignored warning signs early on. From the start, this person disrespected me and was emotionally abusive. I found out later that he even slept with my best friend when we first got together. I was fooling myself thinking that I had found what I had always wanted. It was reinforcing all the crap from my childhood -- feelings of insecurity, shame, etc. I spent many lonely nights, crying, wondering what was wrong with me. Why was I so unloveable?

There are people out there who will accept you. As I stated earlier, I have a partner who knows all about my abuse and is very patient. Not everyone is going to pack their bags when they hear about your past. If they do, they were never the right person to begin with.

My partner and I have a mix of friends, both gay and straight. One night, all of the men got together and we had a discussion about sexual abuse. Out of six men, 3 of us had been abused. One was in a very happy, long marriage and his wife knew all about his abuse.

I'm not trying to paint this rosy picture that everything will be rainbows and sunshine. Who's life is, really? What I'm saying is when you're looking for that relationship experience, don't ignore healthy things such as mutual respect, acceptance and love. They do exist. Not everyone is going to run when you open up about sexual abuse. If they do, they were never the right person. True love and understanding is about acceptance. For yourself as well as the other person.

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#420463 - 12/30/12 12:26 PM Re: Unlovable [Re: jbodean]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1363
Loc: California
Thank you jbodean,

I'm not talking about people running away because I tell them about the abuse. I've never had a dating experience last long enough to get there.

I'm talking about people finding out that I'm not the image they initially see when they meet me. I project a sense of confidence, masculinity and strength that some people find very attractive. But when they start getting to know me, they start to find that underneath their perception of a masculine confident man, is a timid boy with no experience in relationships. They're not attracted to that. THAT is why they run.

It's a fucked up catch 22. I'm a 41 year old man without experience, and I can't get experience because I'm unable to find someone who is willing to be with a man who has no experience.

D

Originally Posted By: jbodean
Magellan,

I ignored warning signs early on. From the start, this person disrespected me and was emotionally abusive. I found out later that he even slept with my best friend when we first got together. I was fooling myself thinking that I had found what I had always wanted. It was reinforcing all the crap from my childhood -- feelings of insecurity, shame, etc. I spent many lonely nights, crying, wondering what was wrong with me. Why was I so unloveable?

There are people out there who will accept you. As I stated earlier, I have a partner who knows all about my abuse and is very patient. Not everyone is going to pack their bags when they hear about your past. If they do, they were never the right person to begin with.

My partner and I have a mix of friends, both gay and straight. One night, all of the men got together and we had a discussion about sexual abuse. Out of six men, 3 of us had been abused. One was in a very happy, long marriage and his wife knew all about his abuse.

I'm not trying to paint this rosy picture that everything will be rainbows and sunshine. Who's life is, really? What I'm saying is when you're looking for that relationship experience, don't ignore healthy things such as mutual respect, acceptance and love. They do exist. Not everyone is going to run when you open up about sexual abuse. If they do, they were never the right person. True love and understanding is about acceptance. For yourself as well as the other person.
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

-- I must remind myself that sugar is my enemy. I can't control my sugar consumption and sugar makes me mentally unstable. I'm reminding myself (because I forgot again).

Top
#420467 - 12/30/12 01:42 PM Re: Unlovable [Re: Magellan]
jbodean Offline


Registered: 01/20/11
Posts: 9
Magellan,

I understand what you are saying, that you don't feel like you can get to a lasting point in a relationship. I didn't start dating men until I was in my mid-20s. I felt so behind everyone else. I didn't have all of the experiences of the whole dating rituals that most people have by that age. I felt very awkward and insecure and did not pick up on social queues like when I guy looked at me a certain way or showed body language to let me know he was interested. I felt clueless.

There were many times when I felt like I was looking at the world through glass that I couldn't break through. Like I could watch everyone else have these enriching experiences that I could never feel for myself. Part of was fear: I was so afraid to put myself out there because of the fear of being hurt. Part of it is also that the places I was going were not the best to find someone interested in a long-term relationship. I'm not saying that you can't find someone decent at a bar, but there's a lot of people just looking for a hook-up and not interested in anything past a one-nighter.

Have you tried any sort of groups, such as volunteer work to meet people? San Fran is such a busy city with a lot of activities, I'm sure there are groups where you can meet people that share your interest. Don't give up and don't be so down on yourself. Don't give up and don't let the fact that you haven't found the right person convince you that you are unloveable. You are anything but.

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#420468 - 12/30/12 01:51 PM Re: Unlovable [Re: jbodean]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1363
Loc: California
Yes to all of the above.

And I'm 41, and still clueless as you felt when you were in your mid 20's. I've been 'dating' for 20 years.

20 years down the drain. I have nothing to show for it. Nothing.

Therefore, there's something magnificently wrong with me, and i'm just unlovable. No one wants me.

No one.


Originally Posted By: jbodean
Magellan,

I understand what you are saying, that you don't feel like you can get to a lasting point in a relationship. I didn't start dating men until I was in my mid-20s. I felt so behind everyone else. I didn't have all of the experiences of the whole dating rituals that most people have by that age. I felt very awkward and insecure and did not pick up on social queues like when I guy looked at me a certain way or showed body language to let me know he was interested. I felt clueless.

There were many times when I felt like I was looking at the world through glass that I couldn't break through. Like I could watch everyone else have these enriching experiences that I could never feel for myself. Part of was fear: I was so afraid to put myself out there because of the fear of being hurt. Part of it is also that the places I was going were not the best to find someone interested in a long-term relationship. I'm not saying that you can't find someone decent at a bar, but there's a lot of people just looking for a hook-up and not interested in anything past a one-nighter.

Have you tried any sort of groups, such as volunteer work to meet people? San Fran is such a busy city with a lot of activities, I'm sure there are groups where you can meet people that share your interest. Don't give up and don't be so down on yourself. Don't give up and don't let the fact that you haven't found the right person convince you that you are unloveable. You are anything but.
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

-- I must remind myself that sugar is my enemy. I can't control my sugar consumption and sugar makes me mentally unstable. I'm reminding myself (because I forgot again).

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