Hi all, it has been a while since my last post and I just wanted to say HI and let you know how things have progressed.
I was seeind a sex abuse therapist for a few months which did help me get through some rough seas and helped to open my eyes to something that I had not even considered getting help for.
Sex addiction therapy! I thought that this was stupid since I now know why I was acting the way I was(sex abuse)and saw no reason to go through all the BS again with someone new.
I finally went to a SLAA meeting to see what this was all about.
Wow did this open my eyes to a whole new world in which I didnt think of. Many of the men in the meeting were also sexually abused as a child and were in fact acting out as I had in the past. Masterbation, porn, ect ect ect
I finally realized that I needed more help than the sex abuse therapist was capable of and she agreed.
I began seeing a sex addiction therapist and this has opened a whole new world of how I got to the point of where I was and most of all how to help control it. The sex addiction had morphined from my abuse as a teen into a full blown sexual animal and I thought that nothing was wrong with me. I just loved sex. maybe a little more than others, but after all I was a man and men love sex, Right?
Well come to find out, acting out two or three times a day was not normal for a man. I was using my addiction for a coping, feel good, or what ever I wanted it to be. And the list goes on and on.
So to make a very long story short! Once my abuse therapist had gone as far as she could go(which helped me greatly)I needed to learn how to substain from acting out again and have a way to cope with every day life situations that occour.
I have now been seeing a sexual addiction therapist for a while now and the simularity between the abuse and the addictions are almost one in the same. The differance is that the sex addiction thrapist took me much farther into my past problems and is basicly rewiring my brain.
Instead of looking for the next sex high, I am now looking for the next "Life High" and getting the same results so to speak. "Satisfaction" without remorse or harm to my self and family. This is a new way of living for me and I love it.
No more secrects, no more hiding my head in the sand. I am begining to feel alive again.
I still have a long way to go but if this trend continues, and I feel it will, maybe my past will be just that! "The past" not the future with my past holding me back.
God Bless

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Life's A Dream; I hope you do give a second chance!
It has helped me understand so much more about my self. That I wasn't alone in my little world of crazyness.
There are no survivor meetings around where I live but this sure does feel like one, the story's, the support, helpful advice. Much like being here on Male Survivor.
No one judges me when I am there and I can say what is on my mind, just like we do here. I just know it has lifted my sprits and I hope it will yours and others too.
God Bless

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Hi Dar

I am so Happy for you man, what progress and what an awesome story. I hope that you and your wife can both recover from this, its tough, I am still going through huge crap in my marriage.

Hope to hear more inspiring news from you. Keep healing.

Martin

Dar,

So familiar....the same kind of rationalizations for sex, drugs, and alcohol. Its like all the pedophiles got together and wrote a book called : "How To Really Fuck Up Men's Lives" and chapter one was "Addictions".

Glad to hear of your progress, keep it up.

Jude

Dar

Thanks for sharing...my T wants me to go to a 'non specific' group for addiction (mine is sexual obviously) - it is based on the 12 steps. I live in the country and this is the closest thing I am likely to find to SLAA.

I could have written this:

I am so scared to open up to a group that isn't 'full' of guys who know what it took to get me where I am....that they will think the worst of me. But I will give it a go.



This is what I want for myself and this is why I will go to that meeting.....I hope for my sake that there will be other survivors there. (even though I don't wish that on anyone - but you know what I mean)

Lee

Hi all, thank you for this.
I just keep getting more and more blessed by your honesty and courage.

Jude your post was brilliant. So true, and yet I am still laughing. I do a lot of self intertaining with such thoughts. Laughing at the pain in life may be a coping mechanism. I prefer it over crying.

I just remembered a time long ago when I could not cry or laugh. I had to shut off all emotion. After a year or so went by I realized that I could not cry. I would try to, but all that came out was a yawn and my emotions were gone. Odd. But eventually I could let out a bit. I had to learn to laught and cry all over again. It took quite a wile. Strang thing was that my crys would quickly turn to laughs and laughs to crys. Strange, yes, but I realized that crying and laughing were somehow conected. The ability to release emotion is a true gift.

Hay Lee,

Been in a lot of group. Going to a non sexual specific group may prove a challenge but can still have some benofits. You may want to ask the person in charge of the group if sexual addiction is an area that they cover in the process. And ask about other addiction and how much they focus on addiction. I you are there with other addicts and the primary focus is support and recovery from addictions you will benofit. If its just a feal good 12 steps because everybody has there stuff, but if addiction is not the main focus then you may want to look if there are other option avalable. Some times you half to drive to a city to find a workable addiction group.

Keep up the work, it pays off,

Sincerely,
Mike

Former sex addict.

Thanks Mike

I am already driving an hour to the "city" (big town) to go to this group. This is really my only option. I will talk to the people running the group first. That sounds like a good idea.

Lee

PS. Chances are there could be other guys using drugs and alcohol to cover up the pain of CSA. 1 in 6 right?

Whome, Glad to hear(or read) from you! I think of you offten buddy because of the trials and tribulations that you are going through with your wife were simular to ours.
My wife and I began attending a group called Recovering Couples (RCA),
This was done over the phone on Sunday nights with many other couples that were (of course) having problems with their marriage/partnership.
I cannot begin to tell you how much this meeting helped us to regain our love and appriciation for each other.
One thing that sticks in my mind is how we treated each other.

We found that we treated a complete stranger off the street better than we treated each other. How screwed up is that!
The laughter in our home is now becoming the norm and the tears of pain and confustion have now began to dry up. Tears of joy now replace then painful side effects of my abuse and addictions.

Check it out, we have people from all over the world and all walks of life attending this phone meeting. It is a gift to us.

God Bless

Thanks for sharing!

I found incredibly valuable tools in SAA (another 12 step fellowship, same steps) to deal with my unhealthy sexuality and compulsions.

Only later did i make the connection that most of my Sexuality then was rooted in my abuse and other trauma and insecurities growing up - and compounded by years of psychically destructive behavior).

The best thing is that recovery has helped me discover and reclaim a beautiful and powerful sexuality that was inconceivable before. Working the steps with a sponsor Going to meetings, and reading about sexual addictions has broken my isolation, shame and feelings of hopelessness around sex.

Of course, I avoided facing this issue and myself for over a decade, so the price of my dishonesty and resitance was pretty high- but the rewards from finally looking at this stuff are amazing.

LAD, Farmer Boy,
I dont go to any other SLAA meetings where I live, but out of the 20 to 30 men that attend our regular weekly meeting I would say that at least 75 to 80% of them were in one way or the other sexually abused in their adolesent years.
Just like us survivors, some worse than others, but with the same pain and end results, "A fucked up way of thinking".
After my very fisrt meeting that I was litterally draged to, I left thinking about how all these people knew my story! They had to have known because their story was just like mine!
So please don't be wary of speaking up and telling your story of how your addiction started. You may just open the door for others to open up also.

God Bless

MB, you have always been a true glimmer of hope for me and I appriciate you and your hard work to get to where you are in life.
Light at the end of the tunnel is a wonderful vision to hold on to.
God Bless

Hay Lee,

Every one here is right, this is the way out. The last thing I was saying was to hold back any not brake the silence, isolation and shame. This is the way out of addiction. Take the option you have in frount of you. This is a timing thing as much as anything. You are ready! Take the option. We are all proud of you and proud of your strong determination. I will be praying for you as well.

This is going to work out for you Lee.

Stay brave,

Mike